The Story of When I Worked with Lucifer

(and I will try very hard to not present this through the Bitter Filter)

I didn't know that I was working with Lucifer at the time. Certainly I wouldn't have continued had I fully realized that it (or she) was never going to get better. Not say that I wasn't warned...multiple times. But I was so "in it" at the time that I couldn't see it.

I began at the school as a pre-k teacher. After one year, I was surprisingly offered a position of Program Director, supervising the staff & program. I took the position reluctantly because I enjoyed teaching but like Kevin said "What? are you nuts turning down a better job?"

Sadly about six months into that position, Lucifer had to take a leave of absence as her husband was terminally ill. This will be the last time you feel badly for her. Trust me. I'm not a heartless bitch...just a bitch...sometimes.

During her leave of absence, we became friends as we hung out at her house regularly doing stuff for the school and then socially. I helped care for her youngest son, three years old at the time. I was on friendly terms with her family and friends. We exchanged gifts, emails, and did the friend thing. I helped set her up on a date with her now husband, whom I was also friends with. We were friends, beyond just co-workers.

Anyway....
Thrown into the water was I. I went from a pre-k teacher to running a non-profit organization & school in little over one year. This lasted for about two years. With virtually little skills but lots of stubbornness, I managed not to sink the whole thing.

Finally, Lucifer returned to the school. In ten years of our partnership, the school grew from a dumpy little daycare-like school to a nationally accredited model school.

I gave up my life for that school and not just while she was on leave. I regularly worked over 40 hours and volunteered many more. There was a never a true day off because in the age of cell phones, I was always reachable. I had all manners of telephone calls, at all hours, for all reasons. At the racetrack? Yes. During fireworks set-up? Yes. While closing my great-aunts house? Yes. While at my parents house for an event? Yes. While on vacation? Yes. While Kevin was sick & having treatment? Yes.

Once I got a call at 11:45 at night from a staff member telling me she had her period and couldn't come to work the next morning. I'm sure I could think of more instances but I'm getting irritated just remembering.

"Why did you allow this to happen?" you ask. Simple, if I didn't Lucifer would make horrible decisions that ruined my whole day, or have tantrums that I wasn't accessible at all hours.
It was actually easier for me to deal with the stupid phone calls. As time passed, everything became more & more my responsibility because she was less & less interested in working. However, things went more smoothly when she was gone so it didn't bother me much at the time.

On the school front, staff tends to cycle in groups. We were in a downward cycle of young inexperienced teachers mixed with older, "We've always done it this way" teachers. The accreditation and licensing was due for renewal, in addition to whatever crisis had beset that particular day. There was a lot going on. A lot of change. Then there was the new program director.

Young, inexperienced, attractive, and Not Bright. Lucifer hired her while I was on vacation, without my input. (nice huh?) She presented well but scratch the surface and OMG she was an idiot. She was a single mom who was used to getting her way and considered being a single mom as a Free Pass out of everything. But Lucifer defended her no matter how badly she screwed up. With retrospect, I see now that they are very similar people.

2005 was when everything started to fall apart for me on a personal level. My personal life was a melodrama like that of Erica Kane. In the mix of things, I became dis-satisfied with the job but was so in the trenches that I didn't really notice.

Through all of the drama of family & friends dying, friends in jail for heinous crimes, ill parents and husband, building a new house, my own little health crises, I still worked. Work was a constant. Did my attitude suck? Probably, most certainly. How could it not? But I did the best I could. This is where I needed Lucifer to step up. This is where it didn't happen.

During those years, I took very little time off. This was a huge mistake on my part.
I worked after having an ultrasound on my liver...effin' hurt like hell, in case you're curious...and a biopsy. I felt like I had no choice. Lucifer was fine with it. She didn't have to be there, that's all that mattered to her. A good boss - and friend - would have never allowed it.

Lucifer was great at presenting a pleasant public front. But the moment that she wasn't in the spotlight, the mask came off and Holy Hell, duck for cover. Toward the end, she spent less and less time at the school. This was actually a blessing. Things were much more pleasant without her.

Despite all of this, I loved my job. The families & kids were mostly great. The staff was mostly great. The board was a good group of people. I had good relationships with other administrators. There were connections that went back ten years that I couldn't bear to sever.

Also, there was always the dangling carrot of "more" offered. More wage, easier job, better schedule, etc. Lucifer was going to stop working soon and I knew I would have new opportunities when that time arrived. So, I white-knuckled it through.

Have I mentioned that I went three years without a raise? And that there were teachers that made more than I did? I even forfeited a raise one year so the staff could get a well deserved increase when state budgets were cut. Yeah. Nice..

But the more I gave, the more Lucifer wanted. It was simply never enough, never good enough.
Ignored was the fact that at whatever level the bar was set, we reached it. Or that she was spending less & less time at work yet everything was still running smoothly.

Surely I was thanked for my hard work, right? Um. No. Big Fat No. Hell to the No.

More, More, More she wanted. She was pissed when I wanted to go home ...thirty minutes LATE...on my 10th anniversary. Pissed when I didn't stay for a telephone training after spending the night in the ICU with my father figure when he had a stroke. These kind of examples I can list all day. Exhausting.

Meanwhile the friendship had waned. The time of being close had passed. She had remarried, had a stepdaughter and moved on.

So, with no warning, I was let go. The reason was convoluted, boiled down to attitude and the need for "change". No warning, no offer of compromise, Nothing. 12 years gone in one sentence. There was no acknowledgment of my leaving to anyone: staff or families. No opportunity for closure. Nothing. It was as if I never existed.

She, it seems, had it very tidily worked out. The cute yet stupid program director took my position after I left. She lasted SIX MONTHS. She left saying "It was really hard. Everyone hated me." Um, YEAH. Duh. It's the nature of the job, not necessarily the person.
Little Miss Thing just knew that if I was gone things would be great. Not so much.

Not to say that I was this awesome administrator with no flaws. My attitude was not at it's best, how could it be? This is where one depends on a boss - and a friend - to say "WTH is going on? How can I help?"

But I do look back and see that I have staff who still keep in contact, that I am friends with even. I still see staff and families from the school who greet me warmly. I couldn't have been so awful.

After I left the job, I would occasionally get chatty little emails from Lucifer. I deleted them without response. She acted as if nothing had happened and that as a friend, she had failed miserably. Finally, the emails stopped completely.

It's been three years and I hadn't seen her. This is quite a feat, working in a small city and working in the even smaller non-profit sector. We also have mutual friends . So, I wasn't surprised per se when she appeared here at work. I was surprised however that I didn't heave the monitor, stapler, phone, and anything else I could get my hands on at her head while cursing and name calling profusely. I was the grown-up.

And again, she acted as if nothing had ever gone wrong. As if she didn't totally bail as a friend AND as a boss. But then, she is so the person that would say "But look at you NOW." As if she did me this tremendous favor.

Whatever.