31 March 2010

Where Do You Eat?

My dad ruined me with table manners. He would not tolerate poor manners at the table under any circumstance. Not just chewing with your mouth open or elbows on the table but scraping of your utensils on plates or teeth, chewing loudly/gulping, or talking with food in your mouth.

I am lucky that Kevin has good table manners other than stabbing his lettuce as if it is about to crawl off the plate a la "It's got *raisins* in it". ( reference only John Cusack lovers will know)
But I've discovered that it's a family thing, they all do it.

The only disagreement we had early in the relationship was actually eating at the kitchen table. He had grown up eating on tv trays. As a child the only time we ever watched television while eating was if there was something monumental going on, like the Olympics.

Feeding into my quirk, at the school, there were specific times to eat and specific places to eat, underlining everything that my dad instilled in me regarding table manners.

Now it seems that table manners are slowly becoming a thing from the past. In a restaurant the other night a girl kept answering her texts, we knew this because she didn't have her phone on silent. We made a few sarcastic comments directly to her and finally complained to the manager. As the conversation was held within hearing distance, that was all it took for her to stop.

Now people walk around eating. They talk with mouths full. They eat during meetings, telephone conversations, completely unaware that others might be bothered. My least favorite is crunchy snacks like raw whole apples or trail mix.

I think with the fast food phenomenon we've been accustomed to eating wherever, whenever, however. I hope that changes, if not only for my own weird intolerance but for the health of everyone as well.

What etiquette fails drive you crazy?

30 March 2010

I Am Dorothy

Have I mentioned how I don't like windstorms? Well, I don't. They make me uncomfortable. I can't sleep. I think they have a similar effect on me like full moons do on other people.

The other night was pretty windy. I have windchimes on the deck & in the yard by the garage. I always think of the movie Twister when I hear those windchimes at night.

I resigned myself to being up most of the night. I autotuned the television to sitcoms and set the sleep timer. I finally was able to open the book from the tweeker adventure and begin. I'm now about four chapters in. (really good...set in Australia)

I finally fell asleep when the Nanny was over & a movie started. Kevin is blissfully unaware that the world is blustering past the windows the whole time.

The wind picked up quite a bit and I woke up just in time to hear that creepy "creeeeaaaakkkk" sound that precedes a tree falling. Most of the trees are away from the house but I still worry that one will knock out the power or fall on the family's houses, etc. etc.

And, why? why is always windy at night? It's just not fair.

Kevin woke up when the tree fell. He went to investigate with a flashlight, as if he can do anything about it at 2:33 AM. He couldn't see anything because it's pitch black here at night. (no streetlamps, neighbors houses are dark, etc) The fact that he goes out at all like that makes me beyond nervous. (Did I ever tell you about the late night visit by the very large dog? Remind me, I'll tell you later)

And, while we're mildly hating on Kevin, he falls right back to sleep as if nothing happened.

I put in "Moonstruck" and settled back into bed. I was just considering picking up my book when I conked out. I woke up again when the VCR...yes, I said VCR, it's the only one in the house...began to rewind the tape. At 4:00-something.

Luckily, I fell right back asleep only to have the alarm go off at 5:30 because Kevin is working 6/12's right now.

I sent him off to work & it was still windy a bit. But I crawled back into bed to try to sleep another two hours. This was all well & good until Kevin texts about the tree that fell. Ugh.
I did fall asleep sort of. But I think I would have been better off staying up in the first place.

And on an interesting note: I wasn't that tired during the day AND I slept through the night. I told Kevin tonight that the key to insomnia is to stay up one night, sleep one night, rinse & repeat. I don't think he bought it but here I am working on the laptop at 11:22 pm.

A long time ago, I used to have a note that said "Hate you. Hate Kansas. Took the dog. Love, Dorothy" I think I am going to put another up there soon.

Okay. I'm going to go finish watching "He's Just Not that Into You."

What keeps you up at night? Wind? Rain? Thunder & Lightning? If so, move here, we're supposed to get all three over the next day or so. Oh, and snow at 500 feet which means snow might be in the yard when we awake. Whatever, Mother Nature.

29 March 2010

Stolen!!!

It's Monday y'all. So not in the mood for anything so here you go. I am nipping this from Shelly at NottheDaddy

40 Things

1. Do you like bleu cheese?
Holy Eff No. *shudder*

2. Have you ever smoked?
No. Not even once. Someone I babysat for bet me that I would try smoking by the time I was 16. I won.

3. Do you own a gun?
No. I am not anti-gun, it's just not for me. I did have one for a little while.

4. Favorite type of food?
Italian. Hands down. I'm a big carb addict.

5. Favorite type of music?
Singer/Songwriters. OMG, I'm old. Country is running a close second.


6. What do you think of hot dogs?
We had corn dogs for "dinner" last night. I rest my case.


7. Favorite Christmas movie?
It's A Wonderful Life followed by An Affair to Remember, which isn't technically a Christmas movie.

8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning?
Iced mocha and water.

9. Can you do push ups?
Not well.

10. What’s your favorite piece of jewelry?
My cross necklace that Kevin gave me years ago.

11. Favorite hobby?
Writing, reading & watching movies.

12. Do you have A. D. D.?
Hmmm, what? Oh. Yes.

13. Do you wear glasses/contacts?
Glasses all the time. Well, not while I'm sleeping but it's been known to happen.

14. Middle name?
Annette. Unfortunately.

15. Name three thoughts at this exact moment:
Please stop fidgeting Kevin.
My feet are cold.
I hope the wind dies down.


16. Name three drinks you regularly drink:
Water, milk and mocha.


17. Current worry?
I have a couple big checks to write soon.


18. Current hate right now?
Health Care Reform Haters.


19. Favorite place to be?
At home, always.


20. How did you bring in the new year?
Party with friends & family next door. I was sober all night and regretted my choice of not buying Silly String for midnight.


21. Someplace you’d like to go?
The South...I know, weird huh? BFF C was in Memphis the past few days & it sounds incredible.


22. Name three people who will complete this.
Dunno, I don't usually ask.


23. Do you own slippers?
They live under my bedstand. I tend to use Kevin's instead because I'm too impatient to go get my own.


24. What color shirt are you wearing?
Black *finger snap* *finger snap* (The Adams Family)


25. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets?
No, way too porny. We sleep in flannel sheets all year 'round.


26. Can you whistle?
Not enough to define it as whistling.


27. Where are you now?
Recliner.


28. Would you be a pirate?
Eh, no thanks.


29. What songs do you sing in the shower?
Whatever is on the radio.

30. Favorite Girl’s Name?
Julianna

31. Favorite boy’s name?
Beckett


32. What is in your pocket right now?
track pants so lint probably.


33. Last thing that made you laugh?
Patrick Wharburton on Rules of Engagement


34. What vehicle do you drive?
1992 Toyota 4x4 with 325,000 miles on it baby.


35. Worst injury you’ve ever had?
Tore my tendons in my ankle slipping & falling in dog sh*t. True story.


36. Do you love where you live?
Yes even though we qualify as a commune with all the relatives living here.


37. How many TVs do you have in your house?
Two. One in the living room & one in our room.


38. How many computers do you have in your house
One desktop that rarely gets used anymore & a laptop.


39. If you changed your job, what would it be?
Stay at home wife & writer.


40. If you were granted three wishes, what would they be??
1. Stay at home wife & writer.
2. Someone to cook for me.
3. Debt free.

Happy Monday!!! Oh and Jamie? I totally want to do the purse thing. Stay tuned.

28 March 2010

So Here's the Thing

Kevin's oldest/dearest (not "longest" CK! hahaha) friend is married to my BFF D. They were married about seven years ago. W's first marriage and D's second.

On television this seems like it would be perfect for everyone involved.

Until there are problems. Then it just seems like a soap opera.

A long time ago I had a conversation with a roommate who thought your spouse should also be your best friend. I didn't agree: "You can't complain about your spouse to your best friend."
This plays in this situation as well. You can't complain about your spouse to your best friend when they are also your best friend.

We found a balance, which included not talking much about relationship issues. Which also resulted in a bit of a chasm when troubles arose.

And troubles have arisen. Our friends are separated.

While in divorce there is never a clear winner or a clear loser or a right and a wrong. We try to remember what I always say "There are three sides to the story: his, hers and what actually happened."

In this case however, it is pretty clear who is behaving badly. So not only are we suffering a loss of the marriage of one of our dearest friends, we are also losing a friend. Unfortunately what has happened probably cannot be undone.

So the shiny side of this could be that we might have a roommate for awhile. That could be fun.

What have you done when friends marriages have ended?

27 March 2010

Mr Pickles Goes to Target


Kevin just mentioned he hadn't seen Mr Pickles for a while. Coincidentally, he made a trip to Target this morning. He may have bought a bath towel & hand towel that he didn't need but really wanted.


26 March 2010

Ships that Pass in the Night

Today I actually learned something from Dr Phil. I know, I know, but sometimes we learn from odd places.

It is a cheezy quote but at this point, it worked for me. The discussion was about friendships that had come to an acrimonious end, to add context to the quote.
"Friendships are like actual ships. Sometimes they sink."

Recently there has been such use of the phrase "BFF" that it is has fed into the idea of having the same friends for life, which is actually rare. I think that has been one of the more difficult lessons to learn as an adult.

Friendships, like romantic relationships, change, grow, or become stagnant. Sometimes it is just about timing: two people being in different stages of life. Sometimes the friendship only serves a specific purpose for a specific time. Sometimes, if we are very lucky, our lives remain in synch or we are able to change & grow together instead of apart.

Sometimes there are outside forces affecting the relationship: mental illness, drug use, simple geography. I've experienced all three and have only found myself successful with the change in geography.

Friendships can become more difficult than romances. The joys just as high and the losses just as low.

One hopes that even if there is a break in a friendship that somehow, some way, sometime, there may be a reconciliation. Addicts & the ill can receive treatment and the internet has rendered geography nearly powerless. Bide time is all that one can do. Wait.

Wait and if the friend is a true one, they will return in whatever capacity that they can. You can return in whatever way that you are able.

If the friend does not become a true one then it does not erase the relationship, it only ends it. They were still your friend. The emotions and memories still exist and still serve a purpose. You are still better for knowing that person.


But oh! the blessing it is to have a friend to whom one can speak fearlessly on any subject; with whom one's deepest as well as one's most foolish thoughts come out simply and safely. Oh, the comfort - the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person - having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all right out, just as they are, chaff and grain together; certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and then with the breath of kindness blow the rest away.
~Dinah Craik, A Life for a Life, 1859


25 March 2010

There is Always Evidence

My nephew used my laptop while I was at work today. Not a big deal, he does it from time to time.


I came home tonight and you know how you can tell someone’s been in your house? It had

that feeling. I was a little curious as he is a little mischievous. (He’s 25 yrs old & takes after his uncle Kevin)


All was well however. No porn on my laptop, everything put away. I did notice that he saved his taxes as “James M.F. taxes.” (use your imagination: “m” stand for mother)


Until. Until the dog suddenly dove under the dining room table. She doesn’t do that because she’s been “trained” not to vacuum for food. “Trained” being defined as “Don’t do it when the humans are present.”


That’s when I noticed a bit of candy wrapper on the floor. Laughing , I texted the nephew. “Tell the truth, did you have candy while you were here? The dog said you did.”


He replies: “I had one piece, I swear.”


“I’m just saying what Missy told me.”


“I missed a piece of foil, huh?”


“Yes. (:-D”


“My bad. Mother-effing foil”


*scene*

This is the kind of stuff you would find on my cell phone.

24 March 2010

Garden Helpers

The weather seems to have decided that it is going to be Spring. We had a mild winter here in the Northwest, and yes I am aware how much you hate us for that. Because of the mildness, some of the plants in the rock garden may have weathered over.

But, as tradition firmly states, I have lost the identifiers of the plants that tell me they are annuals or perennials. Nice. Well done me. As a result, most of the contents of the pots are going to remain a mystery to me.

The Japanese Maple does not seem to have weathered over and that just sucks. I haven't lost all hope yet but it doesn't look good. I have mums to resurect, that I know for sure, but the rest are going to be a lovely surprise.

So I spent about thirty minutes breaking off dead stems from all the plants, just in case. Until whatever is going to grow decides to grow it is going to look a bit like 1313 Mockingbird Lane around here. Kevin said "I saw the evidence of death on the ground" when I was telling him the Lucky story.

Missy was, as usual, completely uninterested. Remaining aloof on the other side of the house watching us with disdain.




Lucky, on the other hand, just wants to be with you. Unless there is a bee. Then he's all "Peace Out Bitches" which is what happened & how he ended up here:


Thanks guys for all the help, really.

I am not going to buy any new flowers until I see what is going to grow again. I know that I will probably break this decision as soon as the pretty flowers beckon to me when I go to the store.

Are you going to garden at all this Spring?

23 March 2010

I Am Who I Am

A few months ago Howard Stern interviewed Dr Drew Pinsky about Celebrity Rehab and his book "The Mirror Effect". In his book, there is a narcissism test which I found interesting to think about it. I am pretty low key but I have my narcissistic tendencies, simply because I'm human.

I promptly forgot about it until Rosie O'Donnell had him on her radio show. Each of the staff took the quiz then they compared results, which in itself was hilarious. Celebrities, no surprise, tend to score high on this test. Two of the staff scored incredibly low, and I thought "They couldn't have been totally honest" when I heard their scores. But one of the guys admitted that he was being ballsy on some of his answers so his score was in actuality lower.

Rosie posted the link on her website and I took some time to take the test. There were a few questions that I was a little "meh" about but I erred on the side of caution.

Yeah, my score? a 2. Two.

Apparently, I am a jellyfish.

I'm a quiz nerd so I love this stuff. If you are curious, click here: Narcissist Test

But first, do you think you will score high, low or medium? Then, if you are so inclined, were you correct?

22 March 2010

Dinner Roulette

One of the perks of having your in-laws within throwing distance is dinner.

Often my mother-in-law makes dinner for us. We mostly take it home with us & pretend that I made it. She even bought a special pot & lid for transport to and fro.

Last week, for some reason, she made dinner four nights out of five. While this is wonderful, it rendered the groceries I bought useless. As Kevin wasn't feeling well nor eating much anyway, it wasn't a huge deal. And, bonus round, as the bank account is a little shallow for the next four days, it helps in the long run.

Tonight my phone rang as I pulled into the driveway. It was my mother-in-law, as it usually is at this time of day. "I've made biscuits & gravy for dinner." She knows that I detest biscuits & gravy. (I was a poor kid, it's a hidden scar. :-D )

So, I said "You love your son more than me is what you're saying" which always flusters her. "I will make you something you like too." she says.

I called Kevin and told him "Your mom loves you more than me & has made your favorite dinner." So he was all excited.

Five minutes later, she calls again. "Um, well, your brother brought over homemade lasagna for us and for you guys. So we're having lasagna instead." She is clearly flustered. She knows what is going to happen next.

"So" I said "you want me to call Kevin and tell him he's not getting his favorite dinner after all?"

She laughed and admitted yes.

I called Kevin & said (forgive the political incorrectness) "Your mother is an Indian Giver."
I explained that his brother brought over lasagna and she will make him biscuits tomorrow.

"ARE YOU EFFING KIDDING ME!?!?!?!" I hear as I'm holding my phone away from my head.
"I've been looking forward to, my mouth has been watering for, biscuits and gravy for five minutes and NOW she's Not MAKING it!?!?!!"

"Call your mother & tell her that she clearly doesn't love you."

We're having biscuits & gravy tomorrow. Well, he is. I am probably having leftover lasagna.

This is why I don't plan dinners ahead of time. It's just a spin of the wheel and everything changes. Everyone should have such problems.

19 March 2010

Ch...Ch...Changes...

Spring is the season of new Beginnings. For me and for a few of my friends, this Spring is indeed a new beginning. Changes are happening all around. People have left us and new directions are being taken. Life continues on around us, whether we like it or not. We're just along for the ride on this big silly world.

What changes are happening for you this Spring?

17 March 2010

Vulnerable

Things seem to come in threes. This month that seems to be proven true.

One of my friends lost her husband to complications from H1N1 earlier this month. I attended his memorial last Monday, which was a strange little trip as it featured many people from my past.

Joe is the first spouse in my universe to pass so that really hit a chord with us. We felt a little vulnerable after hearing of Joe's unexpected passing. The first example of getting older with your friends that doesn't include birthdays, weddings, or baby showers. Joe was a sweetheart of a guy and will be missed.

One of our dearest friends landed on our doorstep last week with an imploding marriage. Heartbreaking doesn't quite describe experiencing that with him. Again, it is one of the first separations/divorces we've experienced first-hand other than our own. (I know, we're lucky right?)

To add to the fun, Kevin has a cold. He only gets about one annually but it always causes me to fret. He's a healthy guy but with a compromised immune system, a cold always puts me on high alert. One of the after-effects from his radiation is like a chemo-cough. It went away after about a year but once he gets a cold, it returns for awhile. Another reminder of time passing.

Things come in threes, good & bad. I'm ready for some good.

16 March 2010

Things that Freak Me Out

We were watching television the other night & that commercial with the talking pigs came on. The one where they are sitting in a restaurant. That stupid commercial freaks me right the hell out.

I am not a huge fan of talking animals, call me Dr Don'tlittle. Pigs, specifically, weird me out though. Although I am not super happy with the talking Panda on the new frozen Chinese food commercial.

Not many things freak me out. I can handle most bodily fluids, while I don't enjoy slasher movies they don't bother me. Bugs are fine. Heights are okay. I like roller coasters. I consider myself a fairly rational, calm person. But I am not fearless.

Snakes. Oh God, Snakes. I can't do snakes. I used to go get the four-year-olds when a garter snake made it's way into the lobby of the school. *shiver*

These fears make sense kind of. They're not unusual.

But those things that you see at car dealerships, the blowy, airy, people things? Those are Not My Friends.(effing creepy creatures)


It makes no sense, really. I can literally stand next to a 1600 horsepower racecar doing a burn-off & go over 100 mph in sixty feet, in one second, and be perfectly comfortable. But those stupid blowy things are awful.

Which proves that fear often isn't rational. For some unknown reason, we all have fears: fear of heights, fear of spiders, whatever. It is a basic human response.

What freaks you out?

15 March 2010

My Name is

Clearly, I have issues.

I just finished Craig Ferguson's autobiography "American on Purpose". One of my favorite-est autobiographies ever. Then I went to Amazon & ordered "Between the Bridge & the River" and two of his movies. I may be a little obsessed fan about him now.

Then BFF C showed me that Emily Giffin has a new book coming out soon:


So I added it to my ever-growing wish list. I have one on Amazon and one on BOMC2. You know about BOMC2? You register, make a reading list & for $9.95 monthly they automatically send you one new, best-selling, hardback book. I could not love it more. Anyway, there's about ten books on that list.

While Kevin was sleeping awhile ago, I restarted a Doubleday Book Club membership and on Friday I came home to this:

This is just beautiful to me. It's not only a beautiful picture, they are pretty books.
This picture makes me happy.

Swistle mentioned "The Help" and now I've added that to my list also. It was on the "maybe" list before but was upgraded. Please for the love of God, don't recommend any books to me, I'm highly susceptible.

I haven't even begun the book from the tweaker adventure yet. It's sitting patiently beside the bed, looking pretty. I'm also ignoring the stack of books next to my chair. I might have brought home two books from work the other day.

Clearly, I have issues. My name is *Firegirl* and I'm an addict.

14 March 2010

Spring Cleaning

Now is the time for Spring cleaning, the weather is beginning to change & the sun is out more. Attitudes are beginning to improve. Even I am beginning to look at the garden & wonder how invested in it I am going to be this spring.

So, an article about spring cleaning caught my eye and it turns out it was talking about relationships. I eye-rolled it at first but this paragraph caught my eye:

A good psychic spring cleaning calls for a walk through every room in the psychic house. Mark some "Fix now," some "Try again next spring"; on some just scrawl "Oh, well" on the door and move on.

I think that's a great visualization actually. I've been thinking on it since I've read it.

So let's think. What does that mean?

"Fix Now" = improving current relationships
"Try again next spring" = temporarily giving up on something that has become stalled or stagnant.
"Oh Well" = Discarding broken relationships.

I definitely have an "Oh Well" in my life. And I think "Fix Now" has a constant presence.
It is definitely something to think about.

What ones do you have in your life right now?

13 March 2010

The Genuine Article

The other day at work I heard someone say "She leads a guilty life."

While sad, I was fascinated with the statement. One usually hears of a life summed up once it's over, not while it's in progress. I began to think about how my life would be described. My first instinct was "honest" but I discarded that idea. I've had some moments that definitely cross that word off my list.

I'm often described as blunt. I am clear about how I feel, what I'm thinking, and where I'm going. To use an Oprah word, I am "authentic". I believe that what you see it what you get. It may not always be popular, comfortable, or fun but you'll know what I'm about.

One of my favorite quotes is from Oprah...or maybe it's Maya Angelou...."When someone shows you who they are, believe them."

I know, right? how often do we ignore the little voice in our head? How often do we think "Well, she means well..." We tend to work around stuff that we really shouldn't. Believe them when they show you who they are. They're mean to waitresses. They're unfaithful to their spouse. They lie to their employers/coworkers.

When someone shows me who they are, I try to pay attention. I try to remember. And when I show you who I am, you can bet it's authentic.

Who are you?

12 March 2010

I was Cool Once

We were telling stories the other night. No, not bedtime stories but back-in-the-day stories.

I used to be cool once. I used to go out at night. I used to go to clubs and dance. I used to have an attitude. Now? Well, now I'm just pretty chill. And you know what? Being chill is good. But I kind of miss being cool.

I asked Kevin to take some of the decals off the truck window this weekend. There are two pyrotechnic decals that just bum me out when I see them now. As I'm not licensed anymore, it seems dishonest to have them. Come to think about it, I don't think Brother Dear has them anymore either.

And, let's face it, I'm 41 years old. Not a high schooler with her first car. I don't need to have a stickered-up truck.

Wait, what? I'm off topic. So surprising.

Yes, I used to go to seedy bars & listen to AC/DC all-girl cover bands, I once blasted "America" by Enimem while sitting in traffic next to protesters. I used to drink. We used to have parties where we played games all night and laughed so hard it hurt the next day. We used to go on late night road trips. We used to go to Seattle on a whim.

Those days are gone. The cool factor has faded.

Then I realize, I do other cool things. I write every day. Not everyone can do that. I take care of my family, and while not glamorous, is important. And my husband is a freaking racecar driver and I'm his crew. That's pretty cool.

I guess my point is that "Cool" changes with age. Cool when we were grade-schoolers was cussing and talking back. Cool when we were high schoolers was staying out late & driving too fast. Cool when you're in your twenties is being independent & having fun.

Cool changes. Cool is what you decide it to be.

What makes you cool? Seriously, think about it, what makes you cool?

10 March 2010

It's All in the Interpretation

I don't base my life's decisions on horoscopes but I do find them interesting. Especially when I receive a gem such as today's:

Your horoscope for March 11, 2010 You can't help but notice that your home is looking a bit drab. Today you could begin to make plans to do something about this. You needn't spend much money. All you need is time and a little creativity. Play with wild paint samples on the walls; see if you can find a warm apricot for the dining room. You can eat all your dinners by candlelight and the walls will positively glow-right along with your spirits! You can make big changes to the mood of the place simply by introducing more color. How FUN is that!?!?!

I have found horoscopes to be helpful at times and I've found them to be creepy at times. Of course, some days they are so inaccurate it's laughable. The above horoscope is actually from MSN. I've found it to be "in the ballpark" more often than not.

The other fun website to use for horoscopes is Astrology Zone. This site has been downright CREEPY at times with it's accuracy. Well, I hesitate to use the word "accuracy" simply because horoscopes are often in the interpretation.

One time (say it with me: "in band camp") I had a horoscope that recommended that I wear red and predicted that I would encounter a break-up. Both of those things happened and I didn't read the horoscope until later that evening. Yeah, that afeaked me right the hell out.

I find horoscopes as a way to try to predict or interpret the day. They are like a treasure hunt for me, using my imagination and the happenings of the day.

Do you read horoscopes?

09 March 2010

Do You Understand Me?


Kevin watches 24 every year. It's become a running joke with us because I only pay attention to it while I'm doing the dishes and stuff. So, I hear the highlights of the show mostly.

We've joked that it is the perfect show for a drinking game. Take a shot for every time you hear "Do You Understand Me?" or every time Chloe frowns.

Today, there was a tense moment involving a suicide bomber. Jack was in peril, of course.

"Jack? Jack! Are you okay!?!?!?!"

I add-libbed "Jack are you okay? or do we need a broom?"

Kevin add-libbed "I. Have. An. OWIE!"

We entertain each other, if nothing else. And if we ever get bored mocking the show, we just go Here

What show do you watch, but often mock?

08 March 2010

The Time I Drove Drunk

Actually I wasn't remotely drunk at all, but that's a catchy title.

A long time ago my high school friend returned after being gone for years. I met her in town for dinner and drinks. This was a big event as we were adults now. The last time we saw each other "and drinks" wasn't possible.

We had dinner and I had one drink, like wine with the dinner. It was nothing really. But I was aware, hours later that I had to drive home. I wasn't buzzed, at all. It was hours before I drove, just to be clear.

I got off the freeway and came to a stop because there was an oncoming car. It turns out it was a sheriff's car. I joked to myself "Whew, at least it's in front of me." Again, knowing that my blood alcohol level was non-existent.

My home is about two miles from the freeway, on a dark country road. At the time, there were only about five houses on the road and the further you got away from the freeway the more distance between houses. Our driveway is a gravel road that crosses a small creek and, at the time, was overgrown.

I pulled up to the small creek and out of the bushes step out TWO DEPUTIES. One on each side. Guns drawn.

Oh.

My.

God.

I was so scared. What the hell was going on?

"Do you live here?" the deputy asks.

"Yes"

"Where?"

"Right there. Second house."

"I'm afraid I can't let you by."

"Wait, what? why?"

Remember I mentioned the other day the crazy neighbor? Yeah, this was pre-Drug Bust.
He had gone ballistic and they were trying to flush him out of the house. The house & neighborhood was surrounded.

I told the deputy that I had nowhere to go. (where I live is 20 minutes from everywhere)

"Is there anyone home?"

"Yes, my husband. He's sleeping."

"Lock your door, roll up your window. Go quickly. Go straight into the house, lock your doors, and wake up your husband."

Holy EFF.

I totally Duke's Of Hazzard'd into our driveway. I ran into the house like a crazy person and woke up Kevin. At first, he was not happy then he was fascinated. He got up and went out onto our screened in porch, trying to see something. I know, right? He has no sense.

Nothing happened, we ended up falling asleep. I called the next day and it turned out that the neighbor had bailed out of the house (there was a giant hole in the bedroom floor, it turns out. that's a whole other story) sometime during the siege.

But that's a great story, huh? I still can't believe it actually happened.

Have you ever had a crazy encounter with the police, or is it just me?

07 March 2010

The New Phone Books are Here

The other day I came home from work and set all my stuff on the counter. Kevin was already home and asked what he always asks: "Did I get anything today?"

"The phone book" I told him.

He was quiet for a beat then said "The new phone book is here?"

If you know the Steve Martin movie "The Jerk", you know what's coming next. "The New Phone Books are Here! The New Phone Books are Here!"

It's a running joke around here, that movie.

The other day at work, Kevin was asked by the office manager if he played a musical instrument in school. "No, I was born a poor black child..."

It is silly how much we refer to this movie.

Last night we were getting ready to leave and he left before me. "I have my wallet, my phone, and my keys." Without missing a beat, I said "And this lamp, and that table...."

What movie do you quote often, or is a running joke with you?

06 March 2010

Elsewhere

We talk to the dog quite a lot. Perhaps it is because we don't have children or perhaps it is because we talk to all animals like they are people.

Often when one of us gets home, we are greeted by a happy dog. This would be sentimental if she weren't interested in two things other than us: food & getting inside.

Missy Jo will stare at the door as if she can will it open. Often I mock her, "Haha, don't you wish you had thumbs? You wouldn't need me if you had them." She ignores me.

Once I heard Kevin ask her "What did you do today? Did you kill anyone? Are there body parts in the yard? You can tell me."

Unfortunately for us, she is not a good watch dog. The UPS & FedEx drivers invite her on their trucks to get treats. I'm sure this is the case for the power guy, the mailman, and anyone else who happens by.

Back-in-the-day we had Aussie, she was an Australian Shepherd & one smart dog. Smarter than us, for sure.

We talked to her just the same. She was more verbal than Missy. If you told her to lay down and she didn't want to, she would but she would certainly grumble about it. Kevin would ask her "You got something to say?" and she would bark/growl/mutter.

At the same time, we had a CRAZY neighbor. CRAZY. (before family lived here, but the label still applies) Frequent sheriff visits crazy. Oh, that's another good story...I'll tell it later...
One day after we left for work, the Drug Task Force and SWAT teams swarmed the neighbors house to attempt to capture the neighbor. We knew nothing about it until after the fact. When I talked to a deputy, he told me that the property had been under surveillance for six months. Surveillance. Holy sh*t.

It occurred to me a few days later. OMG, they must think we are INSANE with the amount of talking to the dog and goofiness that ensues around here. That gave us a good laugh, for sure.

Missy Jo knows words she really should. "Mocha" being the most important one to her. The word that most impresses me is "ELSEWHERE" as in "Go lay down ELSEWHERE." I've tried the entire sentence and just the word and maybe it's just the tone of my voice but she gets it. She doesn't like it but she gets it.

05 March 2010

True Confession

Okay, there is something I have to admit. It's not easy. It's in fact a little embarrassing but I have to tell you.

Okay....

Whew....

My brother has rabbits.

No. Really.

Rabbits.

Bless him, he's a nice guy. He even has a girlfriend. He seems normal.

But dude, rabbits. It's to the level that the word is BANNED from the house. No one but no one can say the word "rabbit" without being regaled with stories, photos, and video.

Wait, what?

Yes, video. He calls it Bunny Cinema, I think.

Behold:
video

Okay. Now you know. No more secrets. I feel much better.

04 March 2010

No Braces

Kevin says that guys think girls with underbites are sexy. I know, right? Boys are weird.

But this is what I think...which clearly means we're made for each other...

Crooked teeth? I'm in. Bring it on.

Not gnarly, discolored, troll teeth but just slightly crooked. Kevin? Oh yes, he has crooked teeth.

There is a racer whom shall remain nameless that has two front teeth that are crooked and I am oddly fascinated.

I just can't do the Prince Charming, Hollywood, brilliant perfect smile. I can appreciate the beauty but it just doesn't hold any charm for me. Bring me flawed!

Yes, in case you're wondering, I do have a slight underbite and messed up teeth. (broken face at 16 years old...*fun*)

So Kev & I are a match made in heaven.

What is an unusual attribute you find attractive in others?

03 March 2010

Here Come the Sun


I'm going to have a semi-wordless Wednesday. This picture was taken with my handy cell phone tonight on my way home. It's looking out over Bellingham Bay. I am blessed to live in this beautiful corner of the world.

Only three weeks of Winter left! Bring on the sun.

02 March 2010

Everybody Poops

Do you know that book? It's a Japanese childrens book about going potty. It's a little embarrassing/uncomfortable to read for some but kids love it.

I have had probably more contact with bathroom behaviors/results than most (except Bea, of course!) Being a preschool teacher & administrator, I've been in more potty training sessions and diagnosed more dirty diapers than any human should endure.

I'm not grossed out easily. My brother can deal with blood and gore but can't deal with poo in any way. So we all have different comfort levels.

Porta-potties are a necessary evil in some circumstances. While they're not my favorite, I don't understand people's FREAKING OUT about them. We had to have one at work awhile ago and there was copious amounts of whining.

I know someone that CANNOT CANNOT CANNOT go to the bathroom if there is someone else In The Room. It is the oddest thing. Even if you are just standing at the sink washing your hands, she will come back later. I can see not wanting to go to the bathroom with your boss is in the next stall (mine chats with you, btw) but exiting the room completely is just strange.

Now, as far as bathroom habits are concerned, I am private. I believe that if a couple are going to the bathroom (especially poo) in front of their spouse, the relationship is gone. It just seems disrespectful, to me. Now I'm not talking about the elderly because shit literally happens when you age. And mom's can help but use the bathroom with their children, so there is leeway in my opinion. This is just my personal preference. I'm not to the level of running water or singing while I go to the bathroom but it does bother me a little when I'm sick & Kevin is in the next room. (master baths attached to the master bedrooms are not a great idea in this instance)

Kevin has said that most guys don't even want to know that their loved ones go to the bathroom. He says this kiddingly, of course.

Did you hear about Terrence Trent Howard's interview a few years ago? He was quoted as saying this was a dealbreaker: "Toilet paper - and no baby wipes - in the bathroom. If they're using dry paper, they aren't washing all of themselves. It's just unclean. So if I go in a woman's house and see the toilet paper there, I'll explain this. And if she doesn't make the adjustment to baby wipes, I'll know she's not completely clean."

Now that's just messed up.

What is your opinion on bathroom habits & couples?

(and yes, this is an odd topic but enough anecdotes kept popping up that I had to obey the muse)

01 March 2010

Broad Daylight

Now that Spring is on it's way, I can begin walking the 1/8th mile down to the mailbox again.

I was trying to capture pictures from Facebook for my mother-in-law tonight and lost track of time. Kevin came home and I asked him if it was too dark to walk down to the mailbox. "You better not lollygag" he said. (lollygag = his favorite word)

He headed over to his parents house & I headed down the driveway. As I crossed the little creek, I could see the road and someone jogged by. I felt a little better when I saw them and continued on. I listened for my stalker, the orange cat, but he was no where to be seen nor was our neighbor.

A car was coming so I paused at the road. It was about this time that I realized that I was dressed mostly in black. I took out my cell phone and hit the button that lit up the screen so it would act like a flashlight.

Of course the car slowed down. At this point, I am thinking "You are the dumbest girl alive".

And they stop.

Awesome.

It's an Astrovan. With a Canadian Maple Leaf decal. And tinted windows. I stepped back when the window rolled down. An elderly woman spoke and I relaxed a little.

Until a dog dove at the sliding door window. I think I may have peed a little.

Freaking bulldogs.

They were looking for the only other crossroad on the main road, about one mile south. I gave directions while the dogs decided that I didn't need to be killed. (It could have been the nervous "Aren't you pretty dogs?" that I muttered)

"Thank you, love." She says as she rolls up the window. She had a lovely Scottish accent.

Alls well that ends well, I suppose.

Lesson learned: Wait for Broad Daylight.