11 December 2014

My Brain May Have Been Rewired

I have an over-active imagination that I think I keep a pretty tight rein on, in real life.  Sure, there are closet monsters but we're all in agreement about that, right?  Closet monsters are real.

A few years ago I was chatting with one of the physical therapists and describing a situation where I *might* have been doing something I shouldn't have and I *might* have had an issue, but thankfully did not.

When what *might* have happened, happened, I immediately started swirling the drain.  "I've re-injured it. I knew I shouldn't be doing this but I did and now I'm going to have to re-do this whole thing" etc.  I do, after all, believe in Karma.

I justified myself over-reaction with a shrug and "I just have an overactive imagination."

She countered with "Or it's anxiety."

Wait, what?

I thought about it a second and asked her why she thought so.

She explained that often it's anxiety that makes you swirl the drain instead of reacting with "Oh, that was dumb. Don't do that."

Well then.  I must to think on that for awhile, I thought at the time.

So I did and have and I think some of that statement is true.  Some of it.  I think with me, it depends on the moment.  If I'm feeling guilty, like the above example, then I tend to swirl the drain. If it's something unfamiliar and I feel like I don't have enough information, then I swirl the drain.  Or if it's three in the morning.

But, if it's an emergency or trauma, I flip into Problem Solving Girl.  Or if it's someone else swirling the drain, I can deal rationally with them.   I think it might be situational and not a constant state of being.

Finally, I think this might be a recent trait developed after having thrown myself down the stairs, Kevin being sick, and other life's dramas that have rewired parts of my brain.  Maybe I need to call an electrician.

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