They're Just Looking for Attention

Okay, let's talk about bullying.  Let's cozy up on our collective couches and discuss over a cup of whatever-you-choose.

I don't remember being bullied in school. Sure, there were mean girl incidents but nothing that I would categorize as bullying.  It could be that I just didn't notice it at the time.

The definition of bullying is fluid.  A mean comment, teasing, physical abuse.  It is also harassment, indirectly or otherwise: anonymous negative commenters on blogs, for example.  People who rabidly comment on facebook is another.  It's passive aggressive comments made through a third party. 

As an adult I have run into my fair share of bullies.  They always surprise and horrify me.  What happened in their lives that made them stop at the middle school mentality? What has allowed them to think that their behavior  is okay, or worse, defined as just being "real". 

The worse to me is the justifications for their behavior; defining themselves as powerful or possessing strength thus implying in a Charlie Sheen like way that if you are not like them, you are clearly a loser.   "I am standing in my truth".  Sit down & STFU, seriously. Who says that?

With kids a person can work with them to show them the error of their ways.  They can teach them how to not be a total douche.  But with adults, the learning curve is steep.  Their way of being is normal, in their eyes.  Some people figure it out, when they've lost friends or jobs, and some people just don't figure it out ever.

What can we do, as bystanders or victims?  Not much. Ignore the behavior.  Refuse to be part of it.  Refuse to tolerate it.

 What's the advice you would give a child?  "Ignore them."  Well, that advice applies to adults as well. You can't argue with crazy. Crazy always wins.  You can't argue with bullies either. Any attention given to a bully will be perceived as validation.

It's tempting to react, to lash out.  It's frustrating not to, for sure.  Reaction serves no purpose.  What was that I heard on Oprah the other day?  "It's like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die."  Also, the bully always ends up looking like an asshat while you come out looking like a class act.

But ignoring isn't always possible in this digital world.  There is texting and emails.  There is the facebook and the twitter.  While you can unfriend, block, or hide people, they still show up.  Uninvited. Unwanted. Unwelcome.  This is a a new world problem that I believe everyone is still trying to work out.

What's my point? you might be wondering because I am bouncing all around.  Bullies don't go away because we're grown ups.  Bullies are to be ignored because anything else validates them. We can't control others behavior but we can control how we react to it.