30 March 2011

The Number

I was listening to The Talk today and one of their topics was "the number", meaning the number of people one has had sex with.  It was a very interesting topic not because of the sexiness of it but because of everyone's perception/opinion on the topic.

They differed on whether or not to disclose this number to your partner.  Some said yes, others said absolutely not. Some didn't want to know about their partners past and some didn't care. Some felt like it was opening a can of worms.

Kevin knows who I've been with, not necessarily because he asked but because it just came up in conversations along the way.  I do not know how many women he has been with.  I haven't asked and I don't really want to know.  Not out of jealousy because that's not really how I am wired but just in The Past is The Past kind of way.

I wonder if my opinion would be different if we had mutual friends or if our ages were closer together (we're seven years apart and went to different school districts) I don't think so though. I just can't think of any good reason that the information would be helpful.

So I toss it to you, poppets:  full disclosure or kept in confidence?

29 March 2011

Phoning It In

It's been a good week for internet links.

This work of genius, link courtesy of The Bloggess:

"honey badger don't give a shit" is becoming part of my vernacular.

Then this...

I am curious what they were talking about.  Someone suggested the socks.  I think I've actually held conversations like this.

28 March 2011

Deadliest Jobs

We're watching reruns of The Deadliest Catch tonight.  Kevin's uncle was a crab fisherman so he grew up hearing stories of the high seas.   I had friends who fished as well but summer season fishing.  A classmate died the summer we graduated on a fishing boat.  So we have a good frame of reference when it comes to this industry.  Still we are mesmerized and horrified watching this guys do their jobs.

They recognize  that their jobs are dangerous yet they think it is no more less normal than any of the jobs we do.   That's how they think about it: it's just the job they do.

That's how I thought when we did fireworks.  It was just a job. The risks were measured and considered but not dwelled upon.  If you worried about it, then the job isn't for you.  The same with Kevin's racing, he simply can't worry about the chance of crashing.  He can be prepared for it in every way possible but he can't think about it.

Kevin is a pit boss for a multi-million dollar excavation company.  He runs all the heavy equipment and is responsible for all the safety stuff which includes quarterly state safety checks.  I am pleased to say that the inspectors are picky and specific.  I know it makes Kevin insane but I feel better about it every time they have an inspection.

With that, there are certain jobs that he does that what we call "not-wife-friendly".  They are the jobs that I just don't want to hear about, see pictures of, or even know that he is working on. Sometimes he'll tell me after the fact if it was an interesting job but mostly he doesn't. Mostly I just picture him pushing dirt around and running equipment.  I don't think about where or how or that the tires on the equipment he runs are taller than he and weigh 10,000 lbs. (just the tires).   

The other side of the coin is the reason I keep my phone with me during the workday.  Odds are that I might get a call one day that is not going to be happy.  If I hater-button him or miss a call, trust me I hear about it.  Once he called after missed calls and said "I'm sorry Mrs. Firegirl but your husband was in a fiery accident involving a rabbit and an excavator."  He's a funny guy but it was gentle reminder to keep the phone with me.

Also, he is to never call from the company office phone.  Every single time he has or one of the girls from the office has called (we're friends) and I see Kevin's Work on the display my stomach travels to my toes to my throat.

My point is that Kevin's job is normal to him, just like the fishermen.  They can only prepare for trouble, they can't anticipate it..  It can't be dwelled on.  We both agree that worrying about it, focusing upon it can only increase the odds of something happening.  Plan for the worst, hope for the best.  Assume that it's going to be fine.

26 March 2011

Alabama Isn't Welcome Here

the band, that is. Not the state.  It's not like they'd all fit anyway, in this tiny house. The state, not the band. Surely the band would fit.

But there's the thing: Alabama (the band) is not allowed in this house.  Or any of the houses I've ever lived in since meeting Kevin.   This is Kevin's decree not mine. 

I don't mind Alabama, other than it was apparently the only band other than Hank Williams Jr that my classmates ever listened to in high school.  Me? I was a Bon Jovi girl. 

You see, Alabama was "their band" with "their songs", Kevin & his former wife's music.  Kind of like my complete and utter hatred of the song Open Arms by Journey or any Chicago songs from the late 80's.  Those songs put any and all broadcasting devices at their own peril if played within these four walls.

So it was disconcerting when one song randomly came on the channel we were listening to the other night.  I felt Kevin hesitate for just a minute.  He held his breath for a second then said "I haven't heard this song in...forever..."  Later he mentioned that it was the first time he'd heard it in twenty years. 

Thankfully, it was a happy song.  One that he described as his anthem, the song that got him through. The F*#k You song of his time.  Hearing it makes me love him more, it takes me back to that time when we were both broken yet found each other.

Yes, you can't keep a good man down.  Yes, he's a good man, no make that a great one. 

24 March 2011


I'm borrowing the lovely Swistle's idea of doing a linkity post today and will share a few of things that have caught my attention lately:

Cute little story/parable:
A little girl was taught by her mother that if she ever needed help, she could always ask a police officer.  One day she approached an officer and asked "Are you a police officer?"

Looking down, he smiled and answered "Yes."

She thrust out her little foot and announced "I need help, would you tie my shoe?"

Then the quote of the day from Monday was:

My new favorite song, for today at least, is:

I think this should be my new motto:
I feel very adventurous. There are so many doors to be opened, and I'm not afraid 
to look behind them.   Elizabeth Taylor
 And with that thought, how appropriate that this happened this week:

And OMG, one of the best moments on television: (Victoria Jackson can STFU)

23 March 2011

Old Mother Hubbards Cupboard

When we chose this house, many jokes were made about the kitchen having a walk-in pantry.  Storage for car parts or books, a spare bedroom, or the dog's room were all suggestions.

I was skeptical that I would use it much.  I have found myself, and the others, to be wrong. I use it a lot.

I enjoy knowing at a glance what we have or need.  Looking at this picture, taken a few months ago, it looks like I had just been shopping.  If we took a picture today, it would emptier.  It's midweek after all.

The OCD likes the pantry as well, as evidenced by the baskets.  I use those to corral chip bags, picnic supplies, bread, etc. Prior to the baskets, the shelving made me a little crazy at first because things kept falling over or worse yet, falling through.  Luckily, I had many baskets left over from our seven-weeks-to-the-day of living in Kevin's garage to make this organization possible.

Something else that originated from living in the garage is storing Missy's food in a laundry hamper.  It works so well and prevents the 20 lb bag from falling to the floor & spilling.  Missy enjoyed the spilling, me not so much.

It just occurred to me that I don't have any pictures hung in the pantry. Hey, I have them in our closet! I might as well.  I will work on that over the weekend.

I do have to work to make sure the pantry doesn't become a store-all.  Every few months or so, I will open the door and begin flinging things out.  Plastic grocery bags are kept in a container, an improvement as they were kept in a broken dishwasher in the old house.  Newspapers and magazines are in a tote.  Kevin's barbecue tools lay on the bottom shelf which makes me nuts.  I had two dormant lily plants in there until last weekend. And a broken - or so I thought - water/candle thing that Kevin's mom gave us.  To my dismay, Kevin resurrected it and now I have to find a place for it.  And find the rocks that are supposed to go around it. Meanwhile, it still resides in the pantry.

I think mostly the pantry is a visible comfort.  We have food, supplies, most anything we need in one place.   I do find myself a little anxious when I see it begin to empty.

Do you have a pantry? How do you stock it?  Are there cans from 1993 or do you keep it current?

22 March 2011

The Hills Are Alive

with the sound of children!

So the Nephew & his fiancee lost their lease.  It was a good buddy deal that they could stay until it sold and guess what happened?  Not their best idea but oh well, damage is done.

Where are they living, you ask?  Well, as it turns out there just wasn't enough of Firegirls family in this neighborhood so they're living next door.  Yep.  Next door, with my brother & sister-in-law.  Five kids, four adults in a three bedroom house.  Fun!!!

We offered to take C1 and C2 for awhile but that would be splitting up the kids and no one wants to do that.  They will most likely stay the night from time to time to lessen the burden on the bursting seams of next door.  To me, that sounds equally fun and terrifying.

It's fun to come home to the sounds of kids playing in the yard.  They are loving having so much space to run around.  It's only been a few days but we are loving having them around.  Of course, Kevin is their hero and they love love love that he plays with them. 

Yesterday one of the kids was yelling.  I couldn't tell if they were mad, hurt, or hanging upside down from a tree so I looked out the window to see where  they were.  Missy was sitting in her chair like nothing was wrong so I figured just that.  There was nothing wrong, they were just being kids.  I can be confident in the dog because she will come tell me if there is a baby crying on television.  She seems to know about little kids. We're guessing there were kids in her first home before she went to the shelter.

Saturday night the adult all had plans so the kids, plus my other nephew, came up here to have movie night with their mom.  I was a little nervous about having six kids under the age of nine in our house but they were great.  Blankets & pillows everywhere and Alice in Wonderland on television when I got home was a pleasant sight.

Missy had a good time too:

While this is a huge change for everyone in the family, it has so far been nothing but a blessing.  A loud, stressful, and thankfully temporary, blessing.

21 March 2011

One Grand, Yo

I am acknowledging this very special day, which I never imagined would arrive.

This is officially my 1,000th post. 

Holy sh*t, y'all.

November 5, 2005 this little project began with a post about The Mom, of all things.  I've never done a best of post and perhaps I will someday. 

I've mentioned before that I started this on a whim years ago.  My life had been turned on it's side and I felt like we were starting over.  My head was full and needed emptying.  I thought "Well, you want to be a writer so let's take this new fangled blogging out for a spin."

And here we are.

I would like to thank the academy....wait, what?  Oh yeah.

Seriously.  I just want to send a heartfelt thanks for everyone who stops by this joint and hangs out for a bit.  I have made friends that would never have been possible without this.

I am better for this little bunch of silliness.    I am grateful.


20 March 2011

Spring Time is Here

Today is the first day of Spring.  Lucky for us in the PNW we were given a beautiful sunny day after having seven storms in ten days.  We received our full March amount of rain in the first two weeks of March.  Yikes.

With the sunlight brings...dust, dirt, and oh-my-god-how-long-has-that-been-there.  I spent today dusting, washing doors, and vacuuming corners.  Dust and cobwebs are two things that I have a difficult time seeing.  They're just too ethereal and I can't see it until the lighting is just right.  Like today.  In the old house when my sister-in-law visited, the first thing she would do is grab the broom and sweep  the ceilings of cobwebs.  I loved her for it, I wasn't insulted at all.  I appreciated her help!!

It felt good to have the curtains open, the kitchen window open, and more impressively both doors open. 

Our attitudes were remarkably brighter and happier.  It's funny how simple sunlight can change your outlook.

19 March 2011

The Age Old Question

Mr Pickles asks: "What came first?"

I guess we'll never know...

17 March 2011

My Dad Would Call Them...

...cheaters.  Perhaps "pansies".

My dad worked for Washington State Department of Transportation when I was young child.  He was on the construction crews of the Duane Berentsen Bridge in Anacortes and has inspected/painted/maintained many of Skagit Counties bridges.

In fact, he wants this ashes thrown off all the bridges he's worked on.

Including this one:

So I laughed when MSNBC's photoblog posted this picture with the caption "Would you like to do this job?"

WADOT Bridge Inspectors

Back in the day, they didn't use bucket lifts to inspect but used climbing gear. He said, and this could be total bullsh*t, that they didn't wear helmets because too many people lost them in the wind & nearly fell trying to grab them.  (I know, right?)  He also said there were spotters for when big trucks rolled over so the guys could stop what they were doing and hug the girders SO THEY DIDN'T FALL from the vibrations.

I think that I will just stay here in my cozy office and not follow my father's footsteps, mmkay.

How about you?  Would you ever do this job?

15 March 2011

News & Notes

With all that has happened in Japan, it seems frivolous to write but as I heard someone on the radio say "At times like this entertainment is a diversion and diversion is necessary."

So here we go.

If you are on the twitter, follow @corybooker.  He's the mayor of Newark and is a rock star.  Look for him on the national stage in the future.  Sundance Channel has a documentary series called Brick City that is remarkable. It shows the behind-the-scenes of Newark government.  I have to admit that it has really clarified how much work and difficult decisions that local government officials have to deal with. I think that we think we know but we really don't.

We got a call from an old friend who spotted a poster with another old friends picture on it.  I could only hear some of the conversation so I was a little worried that someone was missing or wanted.  But no, it's better:
She's psychic.

We didn't know that she was psychic when we knew her so we're not sure if it's a new development or she's been hit by lightning or what.  I looked her up online and found this quote:
I see from my forehead, the third eye. What I see is a spirit that isn’t solid yet, a see through. I do not see spirits when I look straight at them. I do see them when I look from the corner of my eye. Perhaps this will help explain it. If you be looking right at someone, across the room from you, and dressed in a red shirt, and you see someone else standing a few feet away in a blue shirt without actually looking away from the person you first looked at.

I have reached the 1200's in my family's family tree timeline.  I got a little overwhelmed and had to stop for awhile.  I am from British aristocracy on one branch and Ireland on the other.  
This is a picture that one of my cousins posted, I believe that the little boy with the glasses is my grandfather.

 Okay, I'm tired and am going to cut this shortI came home from  work early today with a stomach ache.  Kevin wasn't feeling well either so I was worried I'd poisoned us.  Then his mother wasn't feeling well either so apparently just the well has been poisoned. 

Have a great rest of the week poppets!

14 March 2011

Onions & Warm Beer

My dad has become an anecdote lately.  Actually he always has been, I am just noticing it now.

When Kevin went to meet my dad, I told him a few things

#1 Don't accept a drink from him.  It will be either a warm beer or a drink that will melt your eyeballs.

#2.  Shake his hand and he will make a joke.  He doesn't like being called "sir."  Of course, Kevin called him "sir".

#3. Give it about ten minutes and something inappropriate will be said.

Yeah, all that came true.

The reason he came up today is that he used to eat Walla Walla Sweets onions like they were apples.  Worse yet: he ate tomato, onion and mayonaise sandwiches with white bread & pepper.  I know, I'm sorry.

What's the weirdest habit that your dad has?

13 March 2011

Bottom Line

I was organizing bills earlier today and I realized that I am getting ever so near to just having a mortgage, utilities, and medical bills in our budget.  If nothing goes awry, September will hopefully be the magic month.

From 2004 to 2010 we suffered money-wise, we took giant steps backwards.  When experts say it takes years to financially recover from tragedy, poor choices, etc. I am here to tell you: they're not lying. They're not exaggerating.  It has taken years to fix a mess that started a long time ago.

I have argued with customer service reps and bill collectors.  I have negotiated to get better terms, payments, or settlements. I have written letters of explanations, letters of complaint and thank you notes.  I have also written more than one check knowing that it would empty our account but we had no choice.

We didn't file for bankruptcy.  We haven't even necessarily spent wisely.  We made a plan, revised it many times, and worked at it.  It's not as cut & dried  as all that, it takes patience and work.

I need to work on a savings plan, we still lack there.  I try to save along the way but it does it's savings job and gets spent when things break or are more expensive than planned.  Oh, keep in mind that we don't have any credit cards. None.  Anything that breaks or is extra is out of pocket.  This is not as cool as it sounds.

We own our cars outright.  We haven't had a car payment since I don't know when...it was for our blue mustang which was about four cars ago.  The only time I have been tempted to have a car payment is the Chrysler 300 I had in Vegas but cooler minds have prevailed.  It's just not been important to me.

Kevin is good about the green-eyed-monster.  When we see a car or house we like, he almost always says "But they're in debt to have those things."  We can have those things, we just choose not to.

We both have retirement plans now and life insurance.  We are not as far as we should be but we're getting there.  And, as we've learned: all of this can be gone in one bad diagnosis, accident, or circumstance.

Now, not to sound all holier than thou because it took disaster for us to get here.  It totally wasn't our choice.  It was freaking miserable and scary while it was happening.  Even on this side of it, you'll hear me comment (whine) that money is tight. I just have to remind myself that a) this is our own doing and b) it's temporary.
More importantly, we worked hard to make it happen. It's one of the reason I am still working when both of us would prefer that I be at home.

I guess what I am saying is it's important to make a plan.  No matter what circumstance you are in: renting, buying, owning, married, divorced, unemployed or retiring.  There has to be a plan.  Now here's hoping that our plan continues to pan out.

Do you have plan?

11 March 2011

Happy Places

I clean when I am stressed and/or overwhelmed.  So it's with no surprise that the house is spotless from top to bottom tonight.

Usually we go to family dinner on Friday nights but I just couldn't even think of being out tonight.  I bought dinner for me, kissed Kevin goodbye, and scrubbed.  Now I am cleaned up as well and watching Army Wives on television.

With my chores out of the way for the weekend, I am planning on some serious book and couch time. I am going to forget that this week ever happened.  The week ended on a happier note than it began.  Until then I am concentrating on my happy place:

Las Vegas Boulevard...near Pawn Stars store

My own version of a spa in Vegas...

Still my favorite car

10 March 2011

In Your Pants

"What she said" is one of my favorite things to randomly say when hanging with the guys.  I try to say it quietly and see who notices.  One of our friends gets it most often and I hear "Firegirl, for the win."

Geoffrey Peterson, skeleton robot on Crag Ferguson has been known to blurt out "In your pants".  I've tried to incorporate that sometimes as well but it usually only works on Kevin, because he watches it with me.

The most fun game is "Don't Say..."

It began as "Don't say 'hard'" (instead of difficult) and branched out to nearly everything.  Like a bad sitcom, any word can be made to sound naughty be prefacing it with "Don't say..."

One night Kevin said "Don't say trim" in front of his mother.  It was so random and unexpected, I actually snorted soda up my nose.  I was laughing & coughing so hard (don't say hard) that I was crying.  It was so funny because I couldn't say "Kevin just said something dirty" to His MOM and Kevin knew it.

The other night Kevin was on the phone with one of our friends who is kind of a gentle soul.  He's just the nicest guy in the world.  They were talking about cars, like always, and Kevin said "Yadda, yadda, yadda...camshaft....yadda, yadda.   I was making dinner and just off-handedly said "Don't say shaft" without thinking.

For a beat, there was silence then Kevin started laughing.  He told our friend what I said and he laughed.  Our friend replied something funny but I know he was probably blushing from head to toe.

So there you go, poppets.  A game to play: Don't Say.  Or if that's too off-color, try In Your Pants.

09 March 2011

Rough Week

It's been a rough week at work, friends.  A coworker relapsed and was fired. A client who had been kicked out (whom hadn't stayed long & had severe issues while there) committed suicide in a low-rent hotel and the executive director is retiring in a few months from now but it sadly needs to be a few months ago.

So it has been a white knuckle environment at work lately.  Did I mention that the social worker has been ill?  Or that we're working on the first in a series of fundraisers? 


Non-profit work is a stressful profession any way you look at it.  There is always a worry about budgets, the clientele, and any number of worries that come up.  I've been working in the non-profit sector for most of my adult life and it never seems to get easier. 

With that, I am rarely surprised.  I've been threatened, I've been called everything but a white woman, and been scared. 

What balances it, for me, is the good stuff.  The highs.  The clients that do achieve their goals.  The thank you's. The idea that you're helping, even if it's a small as lending an ear.  For all the horrible moments, there are happy ones that make you forget that five minutes ago you were miserable.

07 March 2011

Is It Possible?

The first sign of Spring! 

06 March 2011

Where Are You Nancy Drew?

 I browsed the young adult book section in both Fred Meyer and Target today trying to find a suitable book for my sixteen year old niece.  To sound like a 70 year old woman, I was shocked and appalled. 

There were two choices: dark fantasy or teenage porn.  Now I was reading VC Andrews & Danielle Steel at her age but there were other choices available: romance, adventure, social issues, true life, and the television/movie made into books (or vice versa) sections.  The edgiest book available was Endless Love, which they made into a movie that was all the talk as it featured teenage sex. Gasp!

Now it's all "Her soul was stolen and she had to get it back by the third Thursday or all puppies will die." and "She didn't mean to fall in love with the devil's grandson" and/or "It's Spring break and Emily was planning an epic party at the Shore until the hawt Sheriff showed up."

Just no.

I know vampires are all the rage now.  I think if I'd had Twilight when I was a teen I would watch or read it constantly.  But the other series that are offered are just awful.  Not awful as in poorly written...although yes...but as in dark.  No wonder "Emo" exists today.  In the Young Adult's section they had Vampire Diaries, which I have tried to watch but couldn't take the bad acting and vampire porn.

Jersey Shore is what everyone is watching but it just shows the lowest common denominator among humans.  I just don't think it should be celebrated or portrayed as "normal".  I just hate the jaded point of view of those books.  "Pretty Little Liars" and "The first book in the Sin Series".  C'mon now, really?

I felt like I needed to go to the Christian book store just to find something of worth.  That is usually So Not Me but the choices were dismal.   I am sure if I had gone to Barnes & Noble, they would have a better selection but it's the one store the county doesn't have. (bitter, me? of course I am)

I finally bought Jennifer Weiner's "Best Friends".  It's chick lit but at least it was about something other than vampires and wealthy kids.

So, should I get our my cane and Depends or have you noticed this too?

That's One Hardworking Chicken

(Thanks Kevin for the assist)

05 March 2011

The CEC Experience

We went to our first Chuck E Cheese birthday party last night.  It wasn't as awful as I'd anticipated.  It tends to be described as one of the circles of hell so to say that we were dreading it is an understatement.  I will say that it didn't seem that busy for a Friday night but with six kids, I think anything would be perceived as busy. 

I didn't hate CEC.  I assumed the pizza would be total crap and it was.  It was expensive, which is a shame. I am impressed with the way they patrol the entryway so that kids are safe.  There was only one boy being a douche but a look or comment would send him scurrying away.  Oh, and there was a Down Syndrome boy about four years old charming tokens out of everyone.  I enjoyed him a lot.  And yes, he got some tokens out of Kevin.

I liked the variety of things to do.  The games were varied and they could run around it they needed to.  The only thing I would change is the freaking "entertainment".  The CEC television channel made me want to gouge out my ears.  I left with the CEC version of Justin Bieber in my head.

Oh, remember when Robin Williams told the story about taking his son to Disneyland and the son losing his sh&t at the sight of the life-sized Mickey.  "A six foot effing rat"?  Totally experienced that last night.  One of the littles were unimpressed with CEC but with lots of coaxing he high-fived him then buried his face into Kevin's pantleg.  And the girl little kept referring to the animatronic CEC as "the monster" but it sounded like "lobster" which made me laugh all night.  And she wasn't wrong.

The first thing I did with the kids was the portrait drawing thing...where it takes your picture then sketches & prints it.  I did it with C2 and it turned out really well. Then one of the littles grabbed me to do it with him.  He's so small it took some lifting & giggling to make his happen. 

One of the littles is all about the games.  He's a freaking rock star on anything that requires hand eye coordination.  You'd think he was a school-ager instead of being four.
 C'mon now.  Seriously, how cute is he? and there's three of them!

The girl little is all about the tickets.  She doesn't care about the tokens or games, she wants the tickets.  Of course, she has no idea what the tickets are for but she's happy and that's all that matters. She had piggy tails and her mom said "It's because then I have two opportunities to grab her when she's running around."

C1, the birthday boy, likes games of skill or physical talent.  He turned 9 and is becoming that awkward age where you're not big and you're not little.  He was the perfect child while opening gifts.  He took his time, acknowledged the givers, and didn't one time act like an ingrate about a present. 

I'm telling you: the kids are angels from above.  The only meltdown was one of the littles wanted it to be his birthday, rightfully so.  We helped, a little, by talking about their birthday being near Kevin's and how we were going to have a party.  But he still wanted it to be his birthday. (:-D

Even the big boys had a good time

02 March 2011

Someday Soon

I thought this was astounding and had to share. 

01 March 2011

They're Just Looking for Attention

Okay, let's talk about bullying.  Let's cozy up on our collective couches and discuss over a cup of whatever-you-choose.

I don't remember being bullied in school. Sure, there were mean girl incidents but nothing that I would categorize as bullying.  It could be that I just didn't notice it at the time.

The definition of bullying is fluid.  A mean comment, teasing, physical abuse.  It is also harassment, indirectly or otherwise: anonymous negative commenters on blogs, for example.  People who rabidly comment on facebook is another.  It's passive aggressive comments made through a third party. 

As an adult I have run into my fair share of bullies.  They always surprise and horrify me.  What happened in their lives that made them stop at the middle school mentality? What has allowed them to think that their behavior  is okay, or worse, defined as just being "real". 

The worse to me is the justifications for their behavior; defining themselves as powerful or possessing strength thus implying in a Charlie Sheen like way that if you are not like them, you are clearly a loser.   "I am standing in my truth".  Sit down & STFU, seriously. Who says that?

With kids a person can work with them to show them the error of their ways.  They can teach them how to not be a total douche.  But with adults, the learning curve is steep.  Their way of being is normal, in their eyes.  Some people figure it out, when they've lost friends or jobs, and some people just don't figure it out ever.

What can we do, as bystanders or victims?  Not much. Ignore the behavior.  Refuse to be part of it.  Refuse to tolerate it.

 What's the advice you would give a child?  "Ignore them."  Well, that advice applies to adults as well. You can't argue with crazy. Crazy always wins.  You can't argue with bullies either. Any attention given to a bully will be perceived as validation.

It's tempting to react, to lash out.  It's frustrating not to, for sure.  Reaction serves no purpose.  What was that I heard on Oprah the other day?  "It's like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die."  Also, the bully always ends up looking like an asshat while you come out looking like a class act.

But ignoring isn't always possible in this digital world.  There is texting and emails.  There is the facebook and the twitter.  While you can unfriend, block, or hide people, they still show up.  Uninvited. Unwanted. Unwelcome.  This is a a new world problem that I believe everyone is still trying to work out.

What's my point? you might be wondering because I am bouncing all around.  Bullies don't go away because we're grown ups.  Bullies are to be ignored because anything else validates them. We can't control others behavior but we can control how we react to it.