17 April 2007

The Name Game

Have I mentioned my name theory? Well, I'm gonna tell you about it anyway...

It started in high school actually. Which means the theory is twenty years old now. yikes.

It started out as "All Steves are assholes". Now if you're married to a Steve or heaven forbid, *are* a Steve, then I kind of apologize: There are exceptions to every rule.

So, a while ago, my friend K asked me to elaborate and I've been formulating my theory since.

Every name has a connotation. Many people are hesitant to announce their new baby's name until the birth in fear of hearing "Oh Don't use THAT name, I knew a bladda bladda once and she was a bitch!"

First, you'll always know someone who has the baby's name so shut up, for the sake of the new mother.

Second, it's true: certain names do have certain characteristics. All Steves are assholes. Think about it...do you know a nice Steve? (I actually do...this is an odd story: The MG's aunt married Evil Steve, finally divorced him, and is now married to Good Steve...go figure. Exceptions to every rule. *whatever*)

So here is a partial list:

Deanna's are always bitches...the MG can attest to this himself. (cough *ex-wife *ahem)

Scott's are terribly complicated creatures. I have yet to meet a Scott that didn't have issues.

Kelly's are usually really nice, fun people to be around.

Any person with a "baby" name, like Jimmy or Tommy or Billy (Or Missy, Sissy or anything ending in "-Jo") are Trouble. There's a reason they still have a baby name.

Wayne's are always nice guys. Dependable, loyal.

Ian's are always Nerds.

Tiffany...*shudder*...my own personal nightmare...are usually, shall we say: "free with their affections"

Any girl that ends her name with "ie" are usually party girls. Kind of goes along with the Baby Name thing.

Jim's are usually dependable, strong, loyal. You can usually always count on a Jim.

Sean's are usually very nice guys, shy but generally good guys.

Karens are anyone's guess. I've met a million Karens and have difficulty finding a common denominator among them.

Anyone with an unusual name usually has an unusual personality to go with it. I think it's a self-protection thing.

Anyone with an old-fashioned name are nice enough people really, but usually socially stunted, if you will. Floyd comes to mind. (yes, I know a Floyd. Well, two actually: one human, one dog)

Becky's are always gregarious and loud and fun.

Kim's are usually strong-willed, stuborn and opinonated.

Charles falls almost into the Scott territory...

Davids are usually really smart, giving and dependable.

If you really want to mess up your son: name him Zachary. I've not yet met a Zachary that wasn't a Satan-in-training.

Brittany's are almost always, without fail, high maintenance.

Laura's are kind of like Karens. They're complicated usually.

So, add or subtract to the list. Everyones experiences are different. I would love to hear others theories.

Weather Forecasting

I have an e-friend named Scott who works for KOMO TV in Seattle. He does the daily email forecasts. Somehow, Scott has figured out how to make a weather forecast funny. I don't know how he comes up with the ideas but he does. One forecast was based around ducks and bunnies. (It was beautiful out with lots of cumulus clouds). He writes about the holidays, he makes Mother Nature into a person frequently - a used car salesman once, he relates the weather to the stock report. Every day, there's a different theme.

I have to give a shout-out to my friend, Scott, who makes a boring forecast funny.
Anyone who can figure out how to write about rain, in some form 365 days a year, in an entertaining way deserves a shout-out.
I'll post some of his forecasts from now on. If you want to check it out for yourself: www.komotv.com and click on the weather.

Today, in honor of Tax Deadline Day, he posted the following forecast:

In honor of tax day, we were hoping Mother Nature would let us fill out the EZ version of the forecast form today, but with showers and thunderstorms roaming around, looks like we'll have to soldier through the longer version. No problem, we've got our calculators at the ready.
This evening and early tonight will continue to see scattered showers and thunderstorms as a cool, unstable air mass drifts overhead. Some showers could see hail and gusty winds, so keep an eye to the sky as you race to that mailbox to drop off your tax form. Once the sun goes down, showers and thunderstorms will decrease, with lows will drop into the upper 30s and low 40s.
Wednesday will be about the same as today, only half as wet. (Or, in tax speak: Take volume of water accumulated from Day 16 and multiply by 0.5. Enter that value on Line 23A.) The air won’t be quite as unstable, so while the sunbreaks should be there, the showers should be more sporadic and not as intense. There is still the risk of an isolated thunderstorm, so we're not completely out of the woods. Highs will top out in the low 50s.
The showers end Wednesday night as that trough of low pressure moves away, leaving us with a dry and partly sunny Thursday and Friday. (Although to claim the sunshine, you might have to fill out form 30-SY). Highs each day will warm into the mid-upper 50s.
The weather pattern changes for Saturday as another front approaches the area. As of right now, it looks like rain will develop by afternoon, but there are some signs that the rain might hold off until Saturday evening or even Saturday night. So there is hope for at least a dry start to the weekend. Temperatures will hit the mid 50s. That rain will linger through Saturday night and then leave us with showers and sunbreaks for Sunday (although one caveat -- if that Saturday rain holds off until Saturday night, that could make for a wetter Sunday morning. Sort of robbing Peter to pay Paul, but there you go. Just be sure to claim any sunshine losses on form 17-W.)
We should eke ourselves a dry day for Monday, before rain returns for next Tuesday. Or, for the IRS agents out there, "Monday will see an increase in our adjusted gross sunshine, but standard deductions will be applied on Tuesday." :)

06 April 2007

The Polite Game

The Polite Game

When the MG and I went to California for my grandmother's 100th birthday, we discovered a fun game to play, completely by accident.

We were waiting at SEATAC for our flight and decided we were hungry. So we stopped at one of the EXPENSIVE cafes...actually, I think it was Starbucks...well, if it wasn't it is now just to make it a fun Seattle theme...


I had to go back to the counter to retrieve something and there was a woman standing there that was dressed to the nines. And she was standing in the way.
I SUPER politely asked her "Excuse me, please."
She looked at me with a mixture of "Little people don't talk to me. Ever" and surprised apparently that I used my manners. So, being me, I used them again upon my return because she was still standing in the way. Again, the surprised look.

I mentioned this to MG and we decided that until we got to CA. we were going to be hyper-courteous and freak people out. And we did and it did.

The one clear reaction I remember was from a security guard at LAX. A plus-sized black woman with a very stern expression. I had to ask her directions because we were lost-ish. (a whole other story but suffice it to say that we were supposed to fly into Anaheim and not LAX but there we were.)

At first, I got the one-eyebrow-raise and then she curtly answered my question...to my relief because I was having flashes of strip searches in my head upon waiting for her response...When I thanked her, I even got a glimmer of a smile. Just a glimmer but I'll take it. The smile could have been from pleasure of terrifying a little white girl, but who knows?

So, we played the game during the entire trip and people were 95% surprised and probably a little freaked out. Psychological warfare, that's what it turned out to be. FUN!

And I still play. Especially if I think quickly and someone has just been rude to me. My favorite: not holding the door for the next person will usually garner a cheery "No, thanks! I got it!" as I catch the door before it closes.

And if you actually hold the door for people, WOW. People are usually surprised, which in turns surprises me.

Next time you're out & about: Play the Polite Game. It's nice, it's easy and it freaks people out.

Gotta Dance!

Yesterday I had to go to the Post Office. I had already been earlier, for "work" but I didn't want to lug a 30 pound package two blocks so I came again later. Ugh, of course there were people there now.
I was silently cursing the MG's name, just because it was his stupid package, not because I was necessarily annoyed with him.
And of course my cell rings
And of course it's him.
Juggle package to the ground to dig cell out of my pocket.
I'm just about to answer it when out of the corner of my eye, I catch movement.
There stands the CUTEST little Hispanic boy EVER
and he's shaking it to my ring tone.

*Poof* There goes my pissy mood instantly.

Little Man is getting his groove on to the Tango ring tone I have programmed in for when MG calls.

I let it ring until it nearly went to voicemail just to watch little man dance. I almost had MG call me back so it would ring again.

Too freaking CUTE!

Bust a groove little man!

Lesson Learned: Gotta dance when the mood strikes you, even if it is in the middle of the post office.

01 April 2007

Addictive Arachnid

My coworker at "work"...I have a difficult time calling it "work" with a straight face...mentioned playing Spider Solitaire. As I have the world's oldest computer, I don't have it at home. I tried it out at "work" and OH MY GOD, it's addictive.

I came home, cleaned out my computer files so I would have room and downloaded it. Yeah!

And can I just say how much I love that it applauds when you win? Hey, I'll take validation any where I can get it.

Try it! Try it now! www.download.com
Join my in my addiction. C'mon, all the cool kids are doing it.

Godspeed Eric Medlen


NHRA lost a great racer last week and I had to put a shout out. Even though we hadn't met him, it feels like we did as the drag racing world is small.
He lived every drag racers dream: working up from a local racer to a pro. He died doing what he loved.

Today I heard a great quote from him "Eat ice cream, you can't be sad when you're eating ice cream."

So, in his honor, we're having ice cream.