26 April 2023

Telephone Whiplash

 (this post wanders a bit. I know, you're not surprised. lolsigh)

My phone is historically on silent most times, much to Kevin's dismay.  I mean, he gets to be frustrated when I miss calls because I forget that it's across the house and he's called three times with something important.  (this was pre-current situation, btw)  

In my defense, if any, is that usually it's right next to me or physically on me.  It's set to vibrate so that rattle is kind of my ringtone.  I used to have it also flash but that is unsettling so I turned off that feature.  It's synced to the truck so it's technically on while I'm driving.

And, to quote the interwebs, remember how we used to painstakingly choose our ringtones?

We got new phones in the middle of ALL THIS HAPPENING and I haven't found a ringtone I like so, that's just another reason to keep it quiet.  I had chosen one but Kevin kept saying it sounded like creepy Game of Thrones so I changed it.

One of the first thing that hospice tells you is that Your Phone Is Going To Ring.  My dawg, they are not joking.  And not just, like, the initial setting up of things where you expect it to eventually pare down.  It's every day.  AND my sister-in-law gets some of the calls.

It usually starts around 8:00 am.  Kevin checks in because he used to call his mom at that time but now that's not a thing.  Then the hospice calls start: nurse, bath aide, massage therapist, faith consultant, caseworker, triage nurse, status update volunteer.  

Then there's the pharmacy. Because of the situation, hospice orders meds in small doses.  So there's a notification to refill or nah or that the refill is ready.  

Plus cousins or friends checking in, which is appreciated. Not complaining about that.  

Then there's work.  When this hospice adventure began, I put out an email that said "No Phone Calls, Please" because I'm never sure where I am going to be.  Mostly, that has been honored.

I went from having very few phone calls to having them all.the.time.  If I'm at work, then I'm kind of in that mode and it's not a big deal.  Right now, if it's not a family member, I answer "Hello, this is Surely" which feels weird on your own phone.

The cousins communicate via messenger so there's that whole thing.  And Kevin sends me tickytock videos during the day to make me laugh and not burn things to the ground.  Again, these are both good things but that's a lot of notifications to add to the chaos.

Monday I actually had time to wander downstairs to see the m-i-l.  I *just* sat down and my phone rings.  It's an advocate I've been (impatiently) waiting to hear from.  I wasn't expecting a CALL but here we are.

Now cue me, motioning to the m-i-l and s-i-l that I have to take the call like I'm in some ridiculous sitcom. (not sure that I'm not, actually)    Then wending my way through the house, past the father-in-law, their dog and the siblings dumb dog.  Once I get through that obstacle course, my reward is about twenty steep stairs.  Then an uphill walk to the road and over to my house, then the length of the house to my office. 

I may have been wheezing.  Because instead of saying "Give me a minute" and phoning them back, I chose to chat and try to guess/answer their questions as I hike back to my office.

The next day I took Lucy for long walkies.  It's in a wildlife reserve and usually absolutely stunningly quiet.  I was doing a snap for my BFF K.  Then my phone rang.  First, I ignored it.  "I'm FILMING here!", I think to myself like some ridiculous influencer.  Then I realized the snap would feature my ringtone.  Gah.  And then I saw it was the caseworker for the state and I HAD TO take it. 

(Because reasons, the site won't let me edit the video.  Sigh.  this feels right.) 

Then I returned to the truck with Lucy and my phone rings AGAIN. It's an advocate with questions about a challenging family situation on her caseload.  Now I'm sitting in the sun, in the middle of nature's glory, with a happy tired dog, and talking about neo-natal drug exposure. Sigh.

Finally, one of the last calls yesterday was from my s-i-l, who usually texts so that didn't panic me at all.  She thought that having a little birthday party for the m-i-l this weekend might be nice and she wanted to know what I thought.  "Because we know this is her last one..." she says.  I agree and we disconnect while I try to not feel like someone just punched me in my feelings.  

And the phone rings.  Thanks universe, no pity party for me.  Then I get a sweet text from an old friend out of the blue so the pendulum swings back.

Oh, wait, while I was thinking of a title and how to end this, I remembered that while I was at the pharmacy, my phone chimed. My notification sound is The Jetsons.  I heard a laugh from one of the pharmacists.  Then while I'm waiting, she walks out and sings "MEET GEORGE JETSON!" and laughs then says "That makes me so happy!"

23 April 2023

Which is Totally Fine and Normal

 Oof, I am owly this morning (owly=extremely pissy)  I ate something I knew I would have a reaction to, then I did from midnight to 2:00 am.  I slept in, only to be awakened by a text that the mother-in-laws meds are ready, WHICH IS TOTALLY FINE AND NORMAL.

I got up, showered and started to think about chores and breakfast and got a text from my sister-in-law that she needs help with the m-i-l.  WHICH IS TOTALLY FINE AND NORMAL.  

Turns out, the m-i-l was in a bad mood because she was told she can't do something, which is never her favorite and results in pouting.  Unluckily for her, she got ME who is all cheery "Whelp, this is your choice so there you go and I'm going to leave now."  So, she didn't get sympathy, help, or attention from me.  My s-i-l was all "YEAH, it's been a MORNING."

It's Sunday and that means visitors next door, again WHICH IS TOTALLY FINE AND NORMAL.

And I have chores to do and/or finish.  Lucy went on strike yesterday and slept in the people bed nearly all day.  I had to change the sheets this morning before Her Highness reclaimed her rightful spot again.  (old dog behavior. Yes, I can move her.  It wasn't important enough because Old Dog)

So, I got everything started: laundry, changed the sheets, remembered to eat, vacuum, etc. About an hour of productivity.  Then I planned on going through photos, that I have been avoiding, because one of the visitors wants to spend some time looking at them.  WHICH IS TOTALLY FINE AND NORMAL.

Except my office was cluttered with bedding from next door and rocks from walkies and papers from my job and, and, and.  I started to get that taken care of when my phone rings.

It's Kevin and he needs help with the racecar and the laptop. WHICH IS TOTALLY FINE AND NORMAL.  Except I was wrestling with a bag full of bedding, trying to get it in the closet and the photos haven't even begun.

I spent about thirty minutes out there being frustrated because he's trying to help, yet he gets distracted, and the program wasn't working, and I didn't want to smell like gas fumes the rest of the day and I just effing hate everything and everyone today.

I sat down at my computer to look something up and didn't get the answer quickly so got (more) frustrated and now I"m trying to psyche myself up to go open that box of photos which are going to make me sad and I can't want to.  WHICH IS TOTALLY FINE AND NORMAL.

17 April 2023

Running Late for National Poetry Month - Stop All the Clocks

 Well, we're midway through April and I just realized That and that it's also National Poetry Month.

Nothing has changed; it's just been busy and slow at the same time, waiting for the bad thing to happen.

With that, one of my top three favorite poems ever.  Yes, it's the one from Four Weddings and a Funeral. 

09 April 2023

Happy Easter

 Happy Easter to you who celebrate.  Happy Chocolate and Hard Boiled Egg Day to everyone else.

01 April 2023

My Kind of Cathedral

This is the fourth installment of my favorite instagram photos.  April 2022

I have learned so much from the ticktocky app about photography. this is one of my first attempts at this angle.  It's become one of my favorite ways to take photos.