09 September 2018

It Will Be Fine

So, what's been going on around here, you ask?  My email is asking where I've been so that's not a  good sign. As I look at that tab, I see 1,527 unread messages. (I'll write about that in another post)

I've half a dozen unfinished posts in the drafts folder, my eyes are killing me because I'm on the computer so much now, the dog is barking at dragons (probably), Kevin will be coming home soon and I'll have to go outside to water the garden, I need to start laundry and dinner, and all I want to do is take a nap.

Here I sit.

Two days ago I signed a contract to process medical insurance billing for a partner organization of HeadStart.  I'm not sure why.  I don't really want to but here we are.

I'm being the hero for them because they're in a bind.  They're an organization I've always wanted to work for. (like since childhood, for real)  It's extra cha-ching in my account.  It's a good wage, it's super part-time, and it's something I can easily-ish do.  So what's my deal?  I just can't want to.

The director has pursued me literally since I began at HeadStart and wondered why I didn't apply before then.  I didn't because I didn't know they were hiring and I knew the organization was going through a leadership transition and Big Fat No Thank You to doing that again.

I was given a  timeline of September 2018 for a likely hire, which is now but she hired me as a freelance in July.  Then she quit.  (need a boss to quit/be fired? just hire me because it feels like that's my thing)  So, now the board has approved for me to be an actual employee instead of freelancing. So, it's not like this development is a surprise really.

I have yet to sign my HeadStart contract for the second year so there's that.  I'm guaranteed a second year so it's no worries, just annoying. (there's a wage bump attached to the contract)   This time next year could be stressful as we hope that the federal grant continues to fund the position.  Thankfully, the position is data-driven and results oriented so it should be renewed.

The other job could be a fall-back eventually as that organization grows but I've no aspirations toward that. This time last year I would have been all hell-yeah but now I'm all meh.  I'm sure that once I get started and into a rhythm then it will be fine.  It Will Be Fine.

The school year has begun and there was no preamble like last year. Suddenly there is a document dump like nobodies business.   Last year there was a little  grace because the position and me were new but as I'm looking at last year's timelines, I see that isn't happening this year.  No mercy for the former newbie. I need to stop being good at my job, like, seriously.

This is all first world problems, I realize, and I need to drink that glass of Shut Up for sure.  Oh poor me, I have two part-time jobs which is exactly what I've wanted for years. Wah, I got what I wanted. I do feel guilty about whining about it.

It's a be careful what you wish for kind of situation, for sure.  Everything I've wanted has come to fruition, just not in the way or on the timeline that I wanted.  It's one of those situations where when you're In It and you try to reassure yourself that it will be fine but don't quite believe it.  Then eventually it's fine and you hardly even notice.

It Will Be Fine.

02 September 2018

Did Mary Get Married?

One of the coping techniques I've developed when I can't sleep or have night terrors is to re-enact (?I'm not sure that's the word) one of my favorite movies in my head.  My go-to is Pride and Prejudice.  I'll name all the characters and who they end up with and how they got there.  If it's really bad, I'll create a sequel.

I'm puzzled about Mary's fate and that's often where I fall asleep.

Now I've seen the movie a million times.  (the Keira Knightley version)  I've probably noticed too much and interjected my own thoughts into this way too much.

(And this is a deep dive so go watch the movie first if you don't know it.)

When Mr. Collin's is interested in Jane and Lizzy but not Mary, you get a glimpse of her disappointment.  Like Charlotte, she would have been an adequate match for Mr. What Excellent Boiled Potatoes.  She professes what need for men but is disappointed at the ball.  This leads me to believe she struggles with romance or even just people in general.

Once Lydia, then Lizzy, and then Jane leaves, only Mary and Kitty remain.  Now there's not a doubt that Kitty marries.  But does Mary?

This is how I picture the sequel and all the possibilities:

Jane marries and has a crowd of children.  They are insanely happy and the sister goes away because so many children and happiness.

Lizzy marries and I think one child is enough for her.  A quiet, little studious and serious child.

Lydia returns to her parents house with a baby because the horrible Mr. Wickman bails out on her.  I like to think that he's sent to the Colonies or somewhere as punishment and he just doesn't tell her.

And Kitty will fall for a cousin of Mr. Bingley, thus sealing those two families together forever and sending  Lady Katherine to her grave.

Oh, and I like to imagine Lady Katherine's daughter going ON A TEAR once her mother dies.  Traveling, shopping, men!!!

(I TOLD you, I've thought about this A LOT.)

So, where does this leave Mary?  I know the internet kind of answers this question but it leaves me unsatisfied.  And it's much more fun to think about all the options.

Does she stay home and care for her parents and Lydia?  Let's face it: Lydia is never going to grow up and probably can't be bothered with a baby.

Does she marry someone like Mr. Collins?  There is that joke: "I wonder if Mr. Collins has a cousin?"

Does she live with Lizzy and Mr Darcy and become besties with sister Georgianna?  Thus finding a marriage through her?

Or does she live with Jane and Mr. Bingley because of all the children?  does she fall in love with one of the servants while being a defacto nanny for them?

Now I leave this to you: Did Mary get married?  What are your thoughts?

And, have you ever obsessed about something from a book or a movie like this?