It's Not A Flying Car

 This is going to be chockful of privilege and I apologize in advance.  Might it help to keep in mind that Kevin and I both grew up poor and started in low-wage earning fields as young adults.

On a whim, sorta, we bought a car.  A new-to-us Honda, just a few years old.  You might have just thought, if you're a long-time dear  reader, "Didn't you just buy a new truck not long ago?"  The answer would be yes.

What had happened was:

Originally when Kevin finally convinced me to buy a new car, I was looking at the mid-size SUV's.  I really liked Subaru and I really liked the Nissan.  Our mechanic friend said an emphatic No to the Nissan because they have issues.  He liked the Subaru though so I was mildly looking for one of those.  I still had not accepted the idea of a car payment after literal decades of not having one.

Then, Kevin found a truck.  I've almost always drove a truck so this was okay with me.  It had four doors so it was kind of like an SUV and it was a really nice truck. Also, it was perfect for where we live as winters have become more winter-like. I drove it for almost two years but to be honest, it wasn't my favorite.  It had the cool factor but not the convenience factor.  

One of the many times that we were traveling back and forth from places this month, Kevin asked if I still liked the truck. And...I hesitated.  He pounced on that pause like a cat on a mouse.  He really should have been a lawyer.  

After having a week of work and extra errands and walkies, I admitted that I was pretty tired of getting up into the truck repeatedly.  It is also too high for a certain twelve-year-old dog who also hates being picked up so, so much. He agreed that it truly is too big for me and even as he ages, it's probably not our best choice.  We had already agreed on this when we bought it: eventually we would need a grown-up car.   

However, I also said that there was too much going on right now and too many changes and let's just not worry about it.  The fact that it was inconvenient was not an emergency.

Well, Kevin heard "Emergency" and kicked into Problem Solving Mode.  We drove through a dealership where we have the truck serviced to see if there was anything that I liked.  I was meh about two vehicles that we found there and we didn't really look beyond that.  He found a Honda CR-V that he liked and I was meh about.  I liked a Toyota Rav-4 better.  We went home and I didn't think about it again.

He woke me up on Saturday with a plan.  "Let's go get breakfast, look at a few cars, then go visit Dad.  We'll just look."  Which again, if you're a long time reader we don't "just look" at vehicles or dogs. It always results in us bringing one home.

I admit, I was a little peevy about it.  I had things to do and this was the last thing on my list EVER.  He said we would just go look and get questions answered; which we both know is unlikely.  I countered any lingering resentment by telling myself "Boohoo, your husband wants to buy you a new car that you can afford."  Because: I am a grown-up with childlike coping skills.

We went to the Toyota dealership because they have good ratings across the board and we were trading in a Toyota so we thought that would be the best choice.  Unfortunately they did  the salesman run-around thing.  

We were clear what we wanted and how we wanted it: no down payments, Absolutely NOT a bigger payment and not a longer loan term if possible.  We had researched and it looked like we could almost do an even trade, depending on how "new" the new vehicle was.  We were thinking 5-10 years old. 

There was a blue RAV-4 that I really liked but it was a little out of our price range. We believe the dealership could have made it happen if they really wanted to.  There was a red Honda CRV that really caught Kevin's attention. She had us drive the Toyota because the Honda wasn't available.  BUT SHE WENT WITH US and only "allowed" us to drive around the block. 

When we returned, we told her we were on a timeline and we weren't sticking around to buy a car.  She needed to make the Honda available or we would have to move on. We explained where Kevin's dad was and that it was recent; so there was a sense of urgency implied. (and: true)

We went inside because she assured us that it would be quick as possible then walked away. I set a timer on my phone for thirty minutes.  At thirty-five minutes we declined their offers on a RAV-4 and they were getting the CRV returned so that we would come back to look at.  

Reluctantly, we went and had lunch then returned. I looked at the CRV and drove it but it didn't feel right.  It just didn't fit so I said no thanks. She was astounded and probably a little annoyed.  We both remained in our camps: I liked mine and he liked his. 

 She brought out the sales manager, which is a deal breaker for me.  It's a manipulative tactic and I don't have the patience for it.  We listened and they tried one more time to make any sort of a deal; offering everything that we DIDN'T want. We walked out, frustrated.

On a whim, we stopped at the Honda dealership just down the road. At this point, I was frustrated and just wanted to go home.  Recognizing that, we didn't even get out of the truck and Kevin talked to the salesman through the window when he approached us.  Kevin explained what happened at the Toyota dealership, what our expectation was, and that we weren't even Getting Out of the Truck if he couldn't make it happen.  He had a really good vibe and was all Challenged Accepted.  He said he could AND that he would very much like to outsell the Toyota dealership. And that we would eventually have to get out of the truck.

We parked and looked at three vehicles.  An HRV, which is the small low-buck Honda SUV.  It was too small and neither of us liked it. Clearly a cheaper car.   We looked at a newer CRV 2023? that was the color that Kevin loves. (because I said "No grey, black, or white. I want a COLOR." and the RAV-4 I didn't get was a pretty blue)  It was not going to be in our price range.  Then we looked at a newer version of the CR-V that I had turned down at the other dealership.  I sat in and actually really liked it. What a difference a few years make in design and styling.

The salesman got the deal done in less than twenty-minutes. I didn't even set the timer on my phone, he hustled to make it happen.  The first invoice the payment was $15 more and he caught it then changed it without us asking.  It took about an half hour + for the financing part, which was a bummer, but then we left with a new-to-us CR-V, burgundy with all the options. It does not have leather seats which I love (they're cold/hot and they wear and crack) and they're HEATED.  It has faux wood trim, which I though would be a little cheesy but looks nice. Oh, the RAV-4 had a sunroof and I really miss having one.  THIS ONE HAD ONE, oh happy day.

They added about one year onto the contract but it's warrantied and has GAP insurance and free services; all at a lower interest rate. No money out of pocket at all and for a newer car than we had hoped for.  The savings we'll get on gas will make up the one year addition in no time at all.  The Tacoma got terrible mileage, one more compelling reason to not have it anymore.

We were both emotional leaving that truck behind because we did really like it, it just wasn't practical for us.  This was one of those rare grown-up decisions that we have to make being a childless couple. This will most likely be our forever car unless we bought something else if we were to sell the big truck.

But the facebook keeps showing me the ad for my old truck at the dealership and It's Hurting My Feelings.  It was such a cool and fun truck, it was just too big for me.  We really thought it would sell quickly but it's been there almost three weeks now. 

Then a funny thing: We realized that we bought the exact same car as Kevin's BFF.  His is a year newer.  Same color, same wheels, same features.  They went to dinner the other night and Kevin learned all about the features that we didn't know about. We didn't know about it because we didn't give the salesman the opportunity to "sell" us the car. That, in retrospect, might not have been our best idea.  But we're discovering just fun things so all's well.

I think Kevin just needed to have something fun happen and to feel like he had control over something when everything feels out of control.  It was a little bit of an impulse buy, which is a specific kind of ridiculous. It's rare for him to do something for himself and for us like this.  We always make do and make the reasonable choice. This was very much impulsive yet still reasonable.

I'm not having buyers remorse for my car but it is so much different than anything we have ever had.  All in all, we're feeling pretty good about the decision and I think we will enjoy this much more.  I have had to go to two meetings which required a little travel and it really is more easy and enjoyable to drive.

A picky detail was that the front door windows weren't tinted but the rear ones were.  The last two vehicles I have driven had tinted windows. It felt a little like a fishbowl without the tint, especially with the sunroof open.  One mention to Kevin and he made an appointment at a friend's shop to have them tinted.  It was surprisingly inexpensive to have it done and it was such an improvement.

At one point, I mentioned to Kevin that the poor children we were would be MIND BLOWN that we have a Jetson car now.   It has driver-assist and remote start and it does the ticktock thing of holding the remote then the windows all go down.  It does things that we don't even know, lol.  It has the eco-feature of stopping the engine if you're waiting at the stoplight for more than a certain time.  It is disconcerting,  for real.  

Two days later, the first dealership called us and had a car for us.  I pleasantly told her "No thanks. We went down the street and bought a car an hour later that day which was very satisfying.  AND it appears that both cars we drove at that dealership are Still There.  So: nanner to them.

Maybe our next car will be a flying car...

Just Buy Yourself a Drink

 You know what? I want to talk about something other than Medicaid and SNF and aging.

Unfortunately, there is very little else happening right now.

So this is just a toss it up and walk away post.

When Kevin got Covid, twice, he lost his sense of smell and taste. It's been three years as of this weekend and they haven't fully returned.  

Because of that, things he loved before were now rendered yukky or tasteless.  Soda is spit-it-out-immediately yukky.  Coffee just tastes bleh.

So our friend, who owns the coffee stand nearby, had us try a Lotus drink.  It's a natural energy drink without all the chemicals and high rates of sugar.  It's kind of like Kool-Aid for grownups.  

We were skeptical because it has carbonated water and soda tastes gross.   But he tried it and LOVED it. Finally something that tasted good and made him happy.

Then we bought a new-to-us truck which required loan payments.  Kevin did the math and our Coffee/Lotus budget was now our Truck Budget.  Kevin wasn't my friend for a while there.  

It was mentioned that we could make it at home; just order the Lotus online then buy the flavors and the seltzer water.  There was hope in Whoville again.

Now two years later, we have a Lotus bar instead of a coffee bar like "normal" people.   We have three flavors of Lotus, a small Soda Stream, and all the syrup flavors.   We probably lost money initially setting this up but now we're back in the black.  

Anyway, this so bougie and I do have a point.  If you're tired of coffee but still need a little zing and you don't want a can of chemical energy drink, these are a great option.  Starbies has the pink and purple drinks but these are different.  

Most coffee stands have Lotus drinks now but some are limited to just basic flavors.  Just ask them. They'll ask what type of Lotus and the most common is blue or pink. There are so many options, the limit is your imagination and taste buds.  

Kevin likes sweet and I like tart so we learned that about each other.  Here are our go-to drinks:

Kevin

• Cantaloupe and Guava
• Cantaloupe and Pear
• Peach and Pear

Me

• Strawberry and Coconut - like the pink drink. You can add creamer.
• Dragonberry - Dragonfruit, blackberry and raspberry

Our friend has two specialty drinks: 

Get-Em - strawberry, blackberry and dragonfruit.  (watermelon, if no dragonfruit)

Tequila Sunrise - Peach and Mango with  a little bit of orange juice.  And yes, she has tested it with tequila and says it's good.

The Nephew likes Kiwi but that is TART.  OMG TART.  

You can also go basic with flavors like just grape or apple; kind of like a carbonated Jolly Rancher candy.  There's a Hawaiian Punch flavor that it like a combination of all the flavors.  The ticktock app has creators who feature different drinks too so a simple search will give you a ton of ideas.  Also, the aisle of flavors in the restaurant supply store will BLOW YOUR MIND.  (all of this is orderable online too, btw)

And everything is recyclable.  The plastic cups and straws are dishwasher safe usually so just hand wash the lids.  So that's a win too.

Now you know.  You can roll up to a coffee stand and order a 20 oz. Lotus with whichever flavor you want and if they ask what flavor Lotus, just say "What do you recommend?" and let them guide you.   It's usually less than a coffee/mocha/latte in price and it's nice in the summer when coffee feels heavy.

So bougie.  Also: this is a car payment

Picture for clout.  Kevin and our friend at the coffee stand

We Will Worry About that Tomorrow

 Well, as the internet says "It's been a long month this week". When last we talked, my father-in-law was in the hospital with a broken back and other big health concerns.

I checked him into a nursing home yesterday, forever.  It played out exactly how we needed but so much quicker than we were prepared for.

The hospital kept him for five days: Friday Night to Wednesday afternoon, which includes Three Midnights. (this is important)  They stabilized him as best they can due to the health issues he has.  We were a little confused as to why they didn't keep him until they were resolved.  But we figured, it was a financial decision because our health care system is broken.

It was coordinated with the care facility where he was before and they arranged transportation.  All I had to do was show up to complete the intake. 

Having him in an adult care facility instead of a skilled nursing facility (referred to as SNF. "Sniff") when it was determined it was no longer medically necessary was our next option. He could not return home.  To do that,  I had to register him for Medicaid because he wouldn't be covered by Medicare after he was considered "healed and healthy".  This is a tedious process and takes a long time.  (please have Power of Attorney, Release to Share Medical Information, and access to accounts for your elderly parents. I beg you)

And it turns out that he is considered "over-income" for Medicaid because his social security benefit is on the high  end of the scale AND he has some savings.   We would have to "spend down" his savings and checking in a very limited way in order for him to qualify.  Essentially we would need to make him destitute.  HOWEVER, the fact that his social security benefit was "high" it made him "attractive" to more care facilities.  It's outrageous.

Meanwhile, the hospital changed his hospitalization status and he had to stay Three Midnights in order to transfer directly to a SNF and have Medicare pay for it.  They will pay for his care if he "medically qualifies" and that was achieved yesterday.  He was fast-tracked to a SNF.

During the intake, the twelve-year-old admissions person was going through insurance and supplemental plans and mentions "Oh, he's covered for 100 days and it will be easy after that..." and "Oh good, he has Medicare Plan G".  We were understanding that the first 20 days were paid and it was contingent on evaluations for the following 30 days then we would have to switch to Medicaid.

So, I asked "For clarification, what you're saying is Medicare will pay for this whole thing, until the...end?"  She said yes.  He medically qualifies for Medicare to cover his stay.  

I was relieved that we didn't have to spend all of his money and I didn't have to keep jumping through hoops AND that it was covered.  The end result and/or reason for this had not occurred to me yet.

Then I met the social worker assigned to Dad.  He is fabulous.  I loved him ON SIGHT.  I think Mom and her siblings conspired from the Great Beyond to send this man to us.  He's amazing.

We sat down to go over health issues and concerns and what landed him here in the first place.  We discussed what our expectations were "Safe, healthy and happy" and that we can no longer provide that for him.  He responded with "Of course you can't. It's too much"

Then he asked what Dad likes.  I had to think about it and said "Flirting. He will flirt with all the ladies" which they laughed and said would be fun. Then I said "Sugar.  He loves treats but he's diabetic."  Brandon said "Then we'll give him the treats.  Why not?"

And it was like a punch in the face.  Why not?  Because we're at the end.  Why are we worried about it at this point of life.  Give him the cookie.

Then he reviewed the orders from the hosptial and asked about any appointments.  I mentioned that the hospital advised that he have a follow-up appointment with his regular doctor in  two weeks.  I asked if they felt that was necessary.  Without a beat he said "No, because we got him."

Deep breaths.

Then he asked about a scheduled cardiac stress test and an evaluation for a surgical procedure that was scheduled prior to the accidents. I explained that it was because he was falling all the time and they were  trying to determine a) why and b) do a procedure so if he fell it wasn't a panic situation.  Brandon said "But why? to what end?  He's here now.  He's 85 and at the end of his life. Why would we put him through that?"

I was flooded with relief and with just abject sadness. Mix in a little validation as well.  Moreover, I didn't fully realize until I was walking out of the facility that This is It.  We're at The End.

This is why the hospital didn't keep him.  This is why the hospital didn't have a treatment plan for his blood pressure, fluid on his lungs, and edema.  There is no fixing him now.

I don't remember who it was now, there's been too many people.  They said "You did it. You kept him safe and healthy and home for as long as you could.  Now he'll be safe and happy here.  You did it, you're done now."

It has to be acknowledged that he can "rally" and yes, it's similar to the rally that happens during Hospice.  Even if he did, it would be short-lived.  It would not be enough for him to return home. Even if he suddenly became physically stronger, his mental status would not allow it.  

Because all of that wasn't enough from the Universe.  In the last two days, my father-in-law developed Hospital Delirium.  It's like dementia, caused by an underlying condition and/or trauma.  He has a myriad of underlying conditions - including dementia - and trauma so he is the poster child for this.

It includes memory loss, agitation, and hallucinations; all of which we've experienced with him. For him, it will most likely not resolve because at his age and advanced health and now in a SNF; it's unlikely.  Even if the Delirium resolves, he is not mentally capable enough.

That was the icing on  the cake for the Medically Necessary status determination.  

It also makes this easier because he's not fully cognizant of what's happening.  As far as he's aware, he's just there until "he gets stronger" and our scripted response to questions about the future is "We will worry about that tomorrow" until we run out of tomorrows.