If the universe would just stop punching me in the face, I would be extremely grateful.
I had a work meeting this morning and was actually interested in it and had information to present. I was even on time and everything. Then I got a call while I was eating my box breakfast and that was that.
My father-in-law had a doctor's appointment this morning and my sister-in-law took him. Because I had a meeting.
Until they sent him to the emergency room directly from the doctor's office. It had nothing to do with the appointment, that actually went better than expected. The issue was he had a blood pressure episode. It dropped to 52/49. Yeah.
So I initially stayed at my meeting but as it began I thought "I'm power of attorney" and "I hope they remember to check/do/etc." At which point I realized that I couldn't stay. My sister-in-law is good with him but she doesn't have POA or his health info and, no shade, the ability to communicate with the hospital staff.
Sigh.
What started this appointment and field trip is that thef-i-l has cysts on his kidneys. They're visible on his back so there was concern about all the bad things. He's having back pain also, which is still the broken back from nine months ago, being 86 years old and bedridden.
He got the all clear about the cysts, they're harmless, just annoying. His kidney function is good so that's not a worry.
They got him stabilized at the emergency department and there weren't any red flags. We noticed that the swings between blood pressure readings were much wider than the last time we had monitored it. That is to be expected and it's a little jarring to watch in real time. The top number ranges from 155+ to 70's. The bottom number was more steady at a whopping 40-60 range
Let me back up a few steps: he has orthostatic blood pressure. This means it changes with body position and activity. He's "fine" when sitting or laying but when he stands, it tanks. There really is no predictability with this. Also, it went from occasionally to what we learned is daily now. Eventually it will trend downward and just not rebound.
Okay, so back to the present. They pumped him full of saline and monitored him and phoned his cardiologist. One of her questions was Why is he still on all those medicines? Which is a really good question. This time last year the plan was to pare down his medicines because they were no longer necessary when you're in the aging-out stage of life. They weren't "fixing" anything anymore. She thought that could be helpful: taking him off a good bit of meds. Otherwise, he was "fine."
This information was lost in the transition from the hospital to the facility. We didn't check - or even think to check - because we assumed that it was happening. He no longer goes to his doctors and seeing the actual doctor at the facility is near impossible. As in, I don't know why they bother stating there's one on staff.
Now the urologist/nephrology has said he was fine and the cardiologist said he was fine. The hospital said he was fine. He just had an episode.
And there was pouting. Pouting because they didn't "fix" him and conversely: they wasted their time because "I just had an episode."
Sigh.
I explained that his back hurt because he broke his back and chances are it is not healed. I left out the "it might not ever heal at your age" part. That it was a good thing that his kidneys are fine and that all his tests came out fine. That nothing scary had been found.
Pouting.
Additionally to all of the above, he's been obsessing that his artery in his neck was plugged. He said that the doctor who retired twenty years ago told him that it had to be fixed. So I was very specific and clear with the emergency room doctor and she checked. She said it was fine, which we knew it was, and then I made her repeat directly to him "You are FINE. It is FINE."
At one point he also had it in his head that his pacemaker needs replacing, which is news to all of us. He got it the summer of 2019. They tested it (again) and it's fine. We even watched it work in real time when his heart went into A-Fib.
Anyone else would be relieved that nothing was remarkably wrong. But he was upset because they didn't fix him. While we understand that it is not easy accepting that you're at a point of no return, literally, it is not our fault.
Then there's the I arrived at 10 am and left at 3:00 pm and he still wasn't discharged. We left so that my sister-in-law could get her car and get something to eat then go back to the hospital. They called me fifteen minutes later and was all "Umm, where did you go?" He went from "we're discharging him, we'll be back with information in a bit" to Get Him Out of Here.
I mentioned to the emergency room doctor that we need help with transportation. When the nurse phoned, I asked her about that. She had no idea and told me that the ambulance couldn't just "take him back" *deep breath* I explained that we stated we needed help with transportation and had used it before and the doctor said it wasn't a problem.
Then she asks why we just can't take him home.
We will never know where I found the control and grace to not verbally remove her head from her shoulders. Because somehow, I didn't. I explained that he's 86 years old, in a facility, had just spent the day in the emergency room due to an episode, and jogging him out to the car AND THEN GETTING HIM BACK OUT didn't seem like a good plan.
She reluctantly said she would look into it but that it wouldn't be paid for and I was all THAT'S FINE. Then I phoned my s-i-l and she said she would just take him. I think that's a bad idea but I'm not doing the work. I called the facility and said "He's on his way, please make sure that someone is there to help" and they were all OF COURSE WE WILL, thanks for calling.
Sigh.
Oh and when I asked the nurse how to reach her to tell her what the plan was, she balked. So, wait, let me understand: you give me a problem to solve, I offer alternatives then agree to work on her solution then when I am ready to give feedback and a plan, you don't want to talk to me. I mean....
I get it, my sister-in-law was on her way and they could talk about it but that wasn't the point. I should have just stayed at the hospital until it was all resolved but I had been awake since 5, hadn't eaten or drank since 9, and I was over-stimulated.
Now the pretty bow on top of this is We will get to have the same conversation with the f-i-l for the next visits ad nauseum about how what's happening isn't fixable. It's the cruelty of aging plus dementia. As Kevin describes it: "He's with it just enough to make it miserable."
He has, by the way, let go of the anger and that we're the worst children that ever were children. He has his moments and there are visits where I can feel it simmering just under the surface. We don't know if he's still speaking badly about us, we haven't asked. His grandson spoke with him for the first time in months last week.
Kevin had the idea of printing out the discharge papers and we can just refer to them when he asks again and again. It won't help but at least we'll feel like we've done something to help facilitate the memory process. It didnot work with the bank statements but we can say that we tried. It's stupid things like this that are relatively simple yet still exhausting to deal with.
So, that was today.
The update for everything else is:
I still have a job but administration is nervous. The rest of it is still a dumpster fire in a hurricane. We live in the dumbest timeline.
I had to have an emergency eye exam because my vision had changed. I need the new lenses on my eyes cleaned with a laser and I was all "We can just wait for that..." because yikes. But the doctor said that the eye disease I have is progressing. Sigh. I had noticed changes so I shouldn't have been surprised, yet I was.
Spring break is next week and I was looking forward to it but now just feeling anxious. I started a huge work project and it needs completed before I go. So, of course I didn't work today and I have Friday off. Of course.
There has been zero progress with my mother's estate. Family is radio silent again. We're waiting for the probate process. And still no memorial. It's literally like nothing happened.
But hey, everything else is "fine". Totally fine.
Please stop punching me in the face, Universe.
