27 Years

This year has been bizarre, not just the current bizzaro-world administration but all the things. The loss of Karl, the continual fragility of Kevin's parents, Kevin lost a coworker to illness. He has a dangerous job that we recently discovered has resulted in a loss of hearing in one ear and just the other day, some very bruised ribs. 

Yesterday we visited an old friend who lost his wife about a year ago.  We hadn't been to the house since then as he lives far away. It was like time had just stopped within those four walls.  It's heartbreaking to see and made me feel powerless.  There is nothing we can do to help.  I'm a person of action so to be a passive audience member is horrible for me.  But it's not my life and as badly as I feel, he's probably feeling exponentially worse.

Kevin is seven years older than me and sometimes that age difference really shows.  Not often, but sometimes.  When we were talking about the above situation, he said something so darkly romantic that it really rocked me.  He said he realized that the time he has spent with me is now probably more than the time he has left with me and that it made him sad.  We've been together 27 years in October so the math plays.

We are in one of those life cycles where loss is the theme.  I remember this life cycle from when I was a child, it was one of those reasons one was given when one has an alcoholic parent. So, I know it's a thing.  A developmental life cycle that everyone has to go through.  But that doesn't mean it's fun.  We have to just bunker down and live our lives.  Perhaps stop paying attention to calendars and ages.