Perspective from the Silver Side

In May Kevin and I celebrated our Silver Anniversary  We lived in sin for three years so come October, we'll have been together for a total of 28 years.  This feels like a foregone conclusion to us but we both realize that this is a thing, an accomplishment that many don't achieve.

My mom asked if it felt like the time went really quick or if it felt like 25 years have truly passed.  I had to think about it a little.  It seems like a mixture of both.  In some ways, it feels like a minute.

When I look at the obvious timelines: Kevin's parents retirement, passing of family members and friends, the fact that "the kids" have kids, it really seems overwhelming.

Here's advice and/or perspectives that I would give, the first being is advice doesn't work for everyone because everyone's situation is different.

One crazy person at a time.  If someone is spinning out or having trauma or whatever, the other has to remain sane.  Someone has to be the grown-up.

Nothing is forever. I'm not talking about jobs, houses, and things but yes, those also.  I'm saying  parents, siblings, children.  They will eventually be gone and it's just going to be just the two of you. Everyone else will sort themselves out. In the end: It's going to be just the two of you. 

You are going to become different people throughout your relationship.  The trick is to remember the core of who you are and who you married.  Just because someone has changed doesn't mean everything is over and you can never find your way together again.  This one has a disclaimer however: As Long As The Changes Are Healthy Ones.

Choose your battles.  Decide how important it is that they don't do it the way you would. While annoying, the dishwasher and laundry basket issues aren't important in the big scheme of things, just annoying. Lives are not going to be lost as a result.

You Chose Them.  Remember that they probably had that quality/quirk/whatever that makes you squint when you chose them so now here you are.  Remember that you do things that probably make them annoyed as well.  If you thought it would change as time progressed, well, the joke is on you.

Use your manners.  You still have to say please, thank you, excuse me, bless you, love you.

And finally, this is spoken as a wizened middle-aged lady:  Your life probably isn't going to look like anything you ever pictured and that's okay.