08 April 2010

Pass-Along with Color Commentary

1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
Doesn't that make you shiver just a tiny bit?

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
What is this wrong that you speak of?

3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
I don't think naps ever were a problem for me. Why do you think I was a preschool teacher?

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

6. Was learning cursive really necessary?
Yes, otherwise I would never be able to sign my name.

7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
Amen brother.

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
I always make up stories anyway.

9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
said the Insomniac

10. Bad decisions make good stories.
Dude, and I have some good stories too.

11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
It's called 10:00 AM

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.
I still own VHS tapes. True story.

13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.
Because I am the writer that lost three chapters, just to find them months later then forget where they were again.

14. "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this -- EVER!!!
t-shirts & jeans. enough said.

15. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Damn it!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?
Actually I just don't care. Leave a doggone message.

16. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
Why I shower every day. The one time I don't: BOOM, there's the ex-husband.

17. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
Again: true story. Kevin has his ex-wife's number as "Bitch"

18. My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day, "Mom, what would happen if you ran over a ninja?" How the hell do I respond to that?
"How would we know? They're f*&king ninjas!"

19. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
Um, mine has one?

20. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay.
I got nothing

21. And finally...Have you ever wondered if that dollar bill your holding has ever been in a strippers butt crack?

Or cocaine?

1 comment:

creative kerfuffle said...

this is too funny. i just attempted to fold a fitted sheet this morning. what a waste. and, i would totally vote for a sarcasm font. i would use it all the damn time. and i don't think you can run over a ninja, they'd just slither in and around the tires.