1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
Doesn't that make you shiver just a tiny bit?
2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
What is this wrong that you speak of?
3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
I don't think naps ever were a problem for me. Why do you think I was a preschool teacher?
4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.
*seriously*
5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
randomly
6. Was learning cursive really necessary?
Yes, otherwise I would never be able to sign my name.
7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
Amen brother.
8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
I always make up stories anyway.
9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
said the Insomniac
10. Bad decisions make good stories.
Dude, and I have some good stories too.
11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
It's called 10:00 AM
12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.
I still own VHS tapes. True story.
13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.
Because I am the writer that lost three chapters, just to find them months later then forget where they were again.
14. "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this -- EVER!!!
t-shirts & jeans. enough said.
15. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Damn it!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?
Actually I just don't care. Leave a doggone message.
16. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
Why I shower every day. The one time I don't: BOOM, there's the ex-husband.
17. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
Again: true story. Kevin has his ex-wife's number as "Bitch"
18. My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day, "Mom, what would happen if you ran over a ninja?" How the hell do I respond to that?
"How would we know? They're f*&king ninjas!"
19. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
Um, mine has one?
20. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay.
I got nothing
21. And finally...Have you ever wondered if that dollar bill your holding has ever been in a strippers butt crack?
Or cocaine?
1 comment:
this is too funny. i just attempted to fold a fitted sheet this morning. what a waste. and, i would totally vote for a sarcasm font. i would use it all the damn time. and i don't think you can run over a ninja, they'd just slither in and around the tires.
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