Just Put It in the Cart

 A few years ago now, I had a little shopping spree.  Today, because it's raining and I don't feel like going anywhere, I brought out a few of the things that I bought to either do something with or donate.  At the time, about half of the things I bought went immediately into use, the other half was set aside for "maybe someday when it slows down".  Fast forward two years...

This was in in-between time of my mother-in-law passing, relocating my father-in-law, and the slow steady decline that followed.

At the time, after a difficult phone call, Kevin mentioned that I should just take some money and "go shopping".  This isn't as sexist as it sounds.  In our world, "go shopping" could mean books, the farm or hardware store, or the dollar store.  There was a non-specific amount available and now I can't remember why there was money available for this kind of - in my world - extravagance.  Extravagance being defined as spending money on myself beyond the basics.

I think he had just gotten a bonus or I did, something unexpected like that.  It doesn't matter, I don't know why I'm hyper-fixated on that.  Other than to say: in this situation, I am showing my privilege.

After a trip to the facility for reasons that are blurry now, I decided to take his advice and take a moment to just breathe.  I went into the big box store where many of us no longer shop.  (I think this was right at the beginning of all that)  I grabbed a cart, which I never do, then bought a coffee; which is also something I would never do In A Store.  The height of extravagance!

I employed the Jeff Miller's Grandma's Method of Shopping.  No, you're not supposed to know what that is and it won't show up on a google search.   Nearly 40 years ago (sweet baby jesus) when I was married to satan, I also had a roommate.  He taught me how to grocery shop because I was nineteen and knew nothing.  One of the methods was to be like his grandma and go down each aisle.  The reasoning is that you'll find something that you have forgotten or that you'll get an idea to make something. Otherwise you just buy the same ten things over and over.  At the time we were on a capital B budget so overspending wasn't a risk.

Anyway

I browsed every aisle, twice, and every end cap.  If something grabbed my attention, I put it in the cart.  I had decided that at the end, I would review my cart and put stuff back if I wasn't interested anymore. Or if I found something more expensive and I could cull an item(s) or just abandon the car altogether to a cashier and claim an emergency thus leaving with nothing but anxiety.  

First thing I put in the cart: a 64 count box of Crayola Crayons, with the sharpener.  I have zero use for it, none whatsoever.  But I have always wanted one since ever.  (I always got the small box or usually Rose brand crayons, IYKYK, or somehow worse: a discarded box of crayons) 

I noticed there was an art kit, complete with acrylic paint, canvas, brushes, and a small easel for surprisingly little cost.  Am I a painter?  No, only of walls.  Have I ever tried it?  No.  Are there videos on social media that make it look surprisingly easy?  Yes.  Into the cart it went.  It could be a gift if I changed my mind.  (It is one of the things that I'm opening today.)

Then I put into the cart the full set of Sharpies.  Again, just wanted them.  They're still hanging on the side of the fridge.  Kevin has tried to dibs them but even he has held off on taking them.  I think it's poor kid thing, they're too special to use; even though they sell them at the store every day.

Next was more practical: washcloths and hand towels.  Ours were overdue to be replaced.  They came in Fall colors: orange, yellow, and green. I was momentarily puzzled when the cashier commented "What lovely Fall colors..." Because in my mind, green would match the current bathroom, yellow was the color in Kevin's bathroom when we met, and orange is my favorite color.  

Next I chose a drying mat because I had just been using towels and I hate the clutter of a plastic drying rack.  I'd seen them in use at work and thought "that's just too easy"  I bought the only color they had: grey.  Once I knew I liked using them, I ordered pretty ones from etsy.  (click here)

Then I grabbed a simple metal tea kettle.  There are times when I need one and it was like $10.  I could have gotten one much nicer/cooler at second hand but that wasn't the point of this adventure.  I pondered dishes, pots, containers in the housewares but nothing really caught my eye.

I browsed the book aisle.  I rarely pay full price for books so this was a conundrum.  Again though, that was not the point of this trip.  I put three books in my cart, all of them recommended by the internet.  I don't think I've read any of them yet.  I can't remember which horrible person had a book out then, I just remember turning all those books over so you couldn't see them.

Next was the seasonal and clearance section and it was transitioning from summer to fall/holidays.  I didn't get anything, surprisingly. Oh wait, I just glanced at the photo I sent my bff, I got one of the birds.

I browsed the toy aisles, even though our kids are all grown except one. I pondered getting a lego set because those seem soothing to do. But there wasn't one that caught my attention.  Also, it would have been my entire imaginary budget.  Also x2, I hate that everything is commercialized with superheroes and television.  (be a dear and hand me my cane. Tell the kids to get off my lawn!)  I do like the botanical sets they have now and that's on a wish list for the future.

Now I am in the food section so I skipped those aisles but did pick up M&Ms, which was for Kevin. 

I'm not interested in anything in the sportsball section but did get a hand weight and a therapy band.  I use the hand weight while sitting at my desk for long periods of time.  The therapy band is with my other therapy bands, unused in a closet.  The intention was there.

I skipped toiletries and cosmetics entirely.  Those aisles are wasted on me unless there's something specific I need.  This was not the focus of this mission.

I lightly browsed the clothing section - women and mens - but I didn't need anything.  I noticed that the trend was very 1980's and that was kind of fun to think about.  I almost bought a backpack/purse but put it back. I already have two that I don't use.  

Finally, if you're familiar with the store you know I had gone through every section.  I stood in the clothing section and looked through the cart.  There wasn't anything that I felt like I needed to put back, to my surprise.

Again, this is something that I have never done and probably wouldn't do again.  Not because of any reason other than I don't need to.  Let's just call this a self-care exercise for that period of time.

I went through checkout and I wasn't nervous about the total but was anxiously curious.  I just don't spend money like this. It would be fine if I went over the imaginary budget.  I didn't pay conscious attention as I put things in the cart but my guess was under $200.  It was $145, which I remember kind of wincing then self-correcting that it was totally fine.

But there were so many years where doing something like this would be unthinkable, laughable even.  So that's a difficult mindset to break.  Also, there are people who do this regularly without judgement so that's like whatever.

Overall, I had fun and it's probably not something I would do again.  I would recommend doing it if you're going through a challenging time.  The big win of this exercise was for an hour, I didn't think about anything other than what was in front me and whether or not I wanted it.  

Also, it doesn't have to be a big box store. I chose the big box store because it would have a little of everything.  It can be a second hand store or the dollar store, or a TJ Max or book, antique, hardware or garden store. Somewhere you feel comfortable in, it's not necessarily about the store or the shopping. It was creating a moment to just be.

Work With Me

 My mornings are usually pretty consistent; mostly because of Kevin. If left to my own devices then it's a Spin the Wheel of Chaos.

The day starts when his alarm goes off at 5:00 am.  I send him off to work because I am the good 1950's housewife.  

At 5:20 I am making myself coffee and getting something to eat.  This varies from a muffin to nothing, depending on the day.  By the way, my keurig is stuck in descaling mode for months now.  Kevin fixed it by putting tape over the flashing "decsaling" button.

By 5:30 I am at my desk working. Let me say right here: this would NEVER happen if I had to work in an actual office. NEVER.   This is only possible because I'm alone, in my pajamas, with chicken head, and no verbal ability requirement.

My work is usually pretty consistent.  There's usually emails with requests, documents that need reviewed and entered, and some mindless data entry.  Sometimes it's A LOT and sometimes it just a normal amount.  Right now, it's super slow because it's later in the school year.  In about a month, everything will ramp up again as we get into Kindergarten readiness and closing out the school year.

You know those - what I call parallel play - people on social media that go live and you work along with them?  It's usually a desk scene with someone working and a timer and music playing.  It's kind of soothing and does work when I'm in that mindset of Not Being Able to Concentrate.  Unless they have a clickity clackity keyboard, then I'm out. It's too much sensory input and I realized as I'm writing this: trauma from learning how to type in high school.  (I nearly flunked two classes in high school, typing and Trig.)   

Timers don't always work for my alphabet brain; if I'm concentrating I need to keep working while my brain is cooperating.   My smart watch has a timer that tells me I've been sitting too long.  Most of the time I ignore it or do a few stretches so it thinks I've moved.

There are a few tools that I use to focus.  Right now I have a mix of 80's and 90's music playing just on the regular speakers.  If it's something that requires absolute concentration then I use my headphones.  If it's mindless data entry, I'll play Grey's Anatomy in the background.  Every once in a while it will just be silent but that's usually when I'm so tired/overwhelmed that I can't take any more sensory input. See: this entire school year.

I've also gone onto a specific social media page and scrolled while working.  I'm super into Museums on social media right now, for instance.  I can mostly listen and occasionally glance at the screen for context.

For Christmas, Kevin gave me a cup warmer.  I put it on my list thinking it was frivolous and would I even use it.  I SO USE IT.  It's so nice to just have a warm cup at any point. (especially for tea)  I highly recommend it.  I have an orange colored Yeti but it keeps it too hot and I'm suddenly Goldilocks.

I've mentioned before that I have three monitors and I'm continually surprised at how helpful this is.  Database on one screen, spreadsheet on another, then email/forms/Grey's Anatomy on the other. I honestly can't think of a single thing that has improved my work more than adding a monitor.  And yes, I've caught myself thinking "another monitor could be useful right now"  #Ihaveissues

Anyway, I work for about three hours in one sitting.  It's so early that I'm working before my brain is fully booted up and realizing what is happening and can stage a rebellion.  After three hours of work, the rest of my coworkers are starting their day.  It's a good configuration because I can have things addressed well before they've even gotten to the office.

Then I finally shower and officially become a human.  I won't say how many years it took for me to realize that time counts as my "lunch" break.  Then if work is still busy, I'll sit down for a while more.  If it's not, I'll do chores and tasks around the house while keeping an eye on my work.

Lucy insists on walkies about 11:30 and is horrified if I'm still working at noon.  So everyone knows I'm unavailable from 11-ish to 1-ish.  My day is usually mostly done by then but not always.  And we don't always go walkies and that is the worst day ever for Lucy.

Because I work part time and from home, I consider myself "on call" for the rest of the day. Staff are welcome to text - or call, sigh, if they must. (Don't Teams me, it's never open and I hate it) So during the afternoon, I check my email and address anything that comes up.  There are days where I win and nothing is happening (like today, for instance) and there are days where work wins and I'm sitting here all day.

Like the other day I was having a technical difficulty with one of the databases I use.  I got the dreaded "Can you jump on Teams real quick?"  SIGH.  I will just deal with the issue, please just don't.  But I did.  Now, this is where I say that I have a camera and have had said camera since the beginning of the school year.  Have I installed it?  Nope. But I did take it out of the box.  (I did zoom on my own laptop, back in the pandemic days)

So, I have audio but no camera.  This actually works for me.  I have to share my screen and I hear "Ah!!! WHY is your cursor SO BIG!"  (which sounds a little p*rny, lol)  "Because I am blind" I reply and that ended that conversation awkwardly.  

(Also, did you know that is an option?  Microsoft button/Settings/Accessibility/Mouse Pointer.  You can change size, color, blinking or static, shadow.  It's kind of fun.  Anyway, mine is huge and purple. It's incredibly help with three screens)

We fixed the issue and then I emailed IT to install my camera.  I had 90s-2000s music playing and left so IT could log into my computer.  Thought nothing about it.  When I returned, I see that IT had just finished and I can hear "Hi! My Name is, what? My Name is, who? My Name is chka-chka, Slim Shady."  Sooooo professional of me.  (IT was fine, btw)

Now I have a camera and I left it attached to my monitor for one entire day.  Then the GEN X in my went NOPE and it now resides on my cpu until I need it.  But I have it.

Social Media reminded me that the pandemic was six years ago.  It is what started this working from home thing. At first I thought I would hate it and I had genuine worry about being successful doing it.  It took some adjustments and still requires them from time to time. Now I'm feral and only attend meetings monthly and even that feels like A LOT.  

And now in the time it's taken me to finish this, I've lost the plot.  I think it was about favorite accommodations when you work from home.  Let's go with that.  Oh, wait, no, I started a different post and forgot. This is the thing:

So if I were to ever be a creator with a Work With Me page, it would feature constant music changing, Lucy either barking or laying down and sighing heavily, me popping up and down because "Oh, the laundry"  "Is that the Shamazon delivery?"  "I'm hungry/thirsty/snacky" with light touch typing and a silent mouse, because I'm not a psychopath.   Also, lots of frowning and heavy sighing at my monitors.  And probably cursey muttering.

All Moved In

 I am not going to go on my whiny rant about how I dislike Father's Day specifically this year (and Mother's Day, every year)  Instead I'm going to tell you about how we "celebrated" that particular day.

The parents gravestone was installed the week after the memorial.  The cemetery had sent me a photo so I knew what it looked like now that it was installed.  Unfortunately, it was a little dirty and that annoyed me.  But, I decided that they took it prior to cleaning it. They did not, but more about that in a minute.

Kevin wanted to go see the marker and his brother's marker that we had installed after his mom died; while we were on vacation. Unfortunately, the parents wasn't ready yet.  Instead, we planned on "celebrating" Father's Day by going to the cemetery.

I have been there, three times.  I have a map.  A thing to know about me: I really struggle with maps.  My brain cannot translate the information, unfortunately.  So, it turned into a little bit of a effed-up treasure hunt.  Kevin holding the map the correct orientation and me using the coordinates the cemetery gives you:  Block 4/Section 11/Lot 5

I missed telling Kevin to turn when we entered the cemetery so we went to Baby Thomas marker first.  I had visited it when I was there dropping off the parents and had spent a few minutes cleaning it.  It had become overgrown a little though so I had made a plan. I brought water, clippers, rags, and simple green.  

We parked in the middle, so it was an equal walk to Baby Thomas and to where I thought the parents were.  I was wrong so one of us had to walk back to the car to get the cleaning kit. Kevin was uncharacteristically fussy about this until I realized that he needed A Moment.  I walked back to the car, got the cleaning kit, then slow walked back to the marker.  

By the time I returned, he had dusted off the marker and sent a photo to his brother.  Then we both sat on the ground to share a moment before starting to clip the grass away from his marker and wash it.  While Kevin was working on that, I got distracted looking at the other markers from where I was standing.  After he was finished, Kevin handed me a rag and spray bottle and asked "Can you just clean hers real quick?"  Next to Baby Thomas was Edith.  Edith was also born in 1959 and it was clear no one had come to visit her for quite a while.  I knelt down and cleaned the marker then clipped away the grass.  I told her that I'm going to go onto ancestry and find her.  (then I've forgotten her last name so next time I go, I'm looking her up before I leave the cemetery)

Meanwhile, Kevin's now brushing off other sites and telling me that next time we'll clean some of the graves.  I explained that there are people on social media who do just that and I'll look up what to use.  I made the joke that we were going to be here all day and he refocused on finding the parents again.

Once I found them, I felt ridiculous, it was so easy to find them.  They're between two trees, one older and one younger.  There's a little "scatter garden" in front of them (scattering what, I am unsure. It was small so perhaps pets?)

The marker was still dirty but it became apparent why.  They had just...dug...in the dirt so there was dirt surrounding the marker.  But we cleaned it the best we could, took a photo and again, I gave Kevin a moment to talk to his parents.   

He said he thought he was prepared but once he saw it in person, reality hit.  I wondered that a person can't  predict how they're going to feel; only conceptualize.  I felt a little better knowing that they're together again, near their family & child, and that it was the final step.  But...that being said...I can't think too hard about it either.

My mother-in-law's parents are right next door to them so we took a few minutes to clean their marker as well.  By the time we finished, Kevin was ready to be done so we left.  We didn't visit his other grandparents graves but we'll do that next time. Also his ancestral family is buried in that cemetery, we  have to find them too.  (great grandparents, etc)

Now he was thinking that we would just do that on every Father's Day and I mentioned Mother's Day. But they're so close in time so perhaps on their birthdays (November & April) instead.  Or, that we can go whenever he wanted, there's no rule.

As we drove home, I mentioned that I have no idea where either of MY parents are.  I'm assuming that they're at their house - where my brother now lives, don't get me started - but I'm not sure.  It would be like them to scatter ashes and not let me know.  (that's a whole other story. Ooof, that will be another day)  

But my point being: it's actually nice to have a space to go "visit".  

Kevin mentioned posting on social media so the cousins could see.  He mentioned an aside to my family "see? this is how you honor your parents" 

I thought about it a minute and instead tried for a light take on the situation:  "We visited the parents at their new place and did a little cleaning this morning. They're all moved in and near their families now."

Happy Summer

 

Book Square

 I've been meaning to do an update on my 2026 bingo card but you know, things have been happening.

One of the squares are "Read one book a month" which would have been a breeze a few years ago.  Now, it takes more of an effort.

In April, maybe, I read and enjoyed Mind Games, it was a good blend of storytelling, feel good and tiny bit scary drama. It took a couple of weeks, not bad considering.  But I felt like I had made progress on filling that bingo square, even if it was a late start.

The next book, not so much.  After at least a month, I finally finished reading The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue.  It's been on the to-be-read shelf for a very long time.  I remember seeing it recommended on the social media then I read the description and found myself interested so I ordered it.

I was so disappointed in the first third of the book. At first I wondered if it was me, with everything going on that maybe my attention span just wasn't ready for the book/reading in general.  But it wasn't...it just beat the plot point into the ground, dug it back up, and kept hammering.

I mean, we get it.  The life she was living was difficult.  WE GET IT.  (trying not to do spoilers, even though it's an "older" book now)  I was hoping more for the historical detail and events instead of bad things that can happen during historical events.

Then mid-way, it got interesting with the addition of other characters then I enjoyed it.  The ending was kind of satisfying; although it was clearly written in a way that a sequel could be written.  Was it the best writing ever? No.  Did it remind me of the movie The Age of Adeline?  Absolutely.  #tinyspoiler

I keep a lot of my books because I know someday I'll want to reread them or I'll be housebound or on a fixed income and won't have access to new books.  Also, they're a comfort item for me.  However, this one went directly into the closet where I store things going to be donated.

So, then while trying to choose my next read from the TBR pile,  my alphabet brain said "Oh, look, you have another book by that author!"  I don't see a single thing that can wrong!

Now, with this one (Bury Our Bones in the Midnight Soil)   I remember ordering it but I couldn't remember what the plot was.  Instead of reading the description, I just started reading.   In this case, the first third was good.  Multiple characters and timelines (even though naming a Latina character Maria felt lazy) it held my interest.

Until...

Until mther-effing vampires.  I admit, this is not my usual genre but I was going to give it a try.  I liked the Discovery of Witches on netflix enough that I want to try the books. I'm saying that I enjoy some fantasy, but it's not my go-to.  

With this book,  the second third of the book was like the first third of Addie LaRue.  Just repetitive, predictable, ugh.  Plus violence. Finally, I skipped ahead to the last few pages and finished reading. It was easy enough to pick up the gist of what I had skipped and was left feeling meh.

While writing this post, I searched about the Addie LaRue book and reddit had the perfect review (click here) Then I did the same for Bury Our Bones and SAME.  So, it's an author thing, clearly.  Also: where are the editors for this writer?

It now joins the other book, waiting to get gifted to someone else.  There is a little library not far from here that I was going to drop it off but it seems like the people who made the library have moved away.  There hasn't been good books and it's looking worn down and that makes me sad.

I accidentally found another little library nearer my house, on a road I don't usually take during a detour.  I stopped there today to see what it was like and it had good books in there.  So...do I drop these disliked books in the old little library or the new?  The old one occasionally has religious texts and books so I'm tempted to leave them there just to be, well, me.  

Or maybe I will donate to the new-to-me library with a little note of...apology?  warning?  regret?  Something like "I bought this because social media said it was good. *sad clown music*"

Now I'm reading Lessons in Chemistry which has caught my attention from page one.  This was also a social media recommendation and it had been long enough since purchase that, again, I had zero idea what it was about.  So far, it's enjoyable. It reminds me a little of Sheldon Cooper and Amy Farrah Fowler on The Big Bang Theory.  (one of my all-time favorite shows)  In a good way though.

So, that's progress I guess.  Here's hoping for success the rest of the year.

Setting It All on Fire

 The nursing director at the facility is NO LONGER WORKING THERE.  The absolute relief I feel is immense!!!  Now, let me tell you how I learned that.

But first, also, I have to mention that the social worker from the facility sent Kevin a friend request on the social media and NOT ME.  AND that I had messaged her with details of the memorial and NO ANSWER. BUT that she did answer Kevin's text that she was attending the memorial.  AND THEN she no-showed, no-called.   Kevin was the main point of contact but she did have a pseudo-relationship with me as well. I was the one who suggested to find us on social media!  So, that's....odd. Perhaps, did she catch feelings?

Okay, resume:

What had happened was:

Two weeks ago I made a report to DSHS against the facility.  First I called and just asked questions.  I was pretty sure it was going to get screened out so I wanted to know if I was wasting my time even trying.  I wasn't, I learned, but they were going to phone me back to do an intake then didn't. 

So I just went online and made a report that was a more succinct version of the letter we provided to the Ombudswomen.  They called about an hour later to verify my information and let me fill in the blanks.  They said that they'll review it then let me know via mail.  I told the first person that I imagined it will get screened out but I felt compelled to make a report all the same and they were encouraging.  Like it says in the Mandating Reporting training: you don't know how many prior reports there have been and that your report could suddenly tip the scale into action.  I also said to the second person that "we just don't want anyone else to have that experience with their mom or dad AND that I feel badly for the people who don't have people advocate for them"

Also, I believe the facility will be notified that a report was lodged and that's delicious.

Next was I was going to send a formal letter to the corporate office of the facility, of which I was going to cc the executive director of the facility.  But I needed a mailing address.  I did a search and discovered there is a Regional Office in the big city down south.

I phoned them to ask for guidance about sending a letter and spoke for almost an hour to a lovely lady named Bobbi.  She notified me that Director of Nursing no longer works there!!!  I told her that I was so relieved to hear that and just that change will hopefully prevent some of the problems we experienced from happening again.  She asked if I still wanted to file a grievance and I said YES.  So I tried to summarize it but there's So Much and we've met me when I get on a roll.  

Again, I was able to mention that I felt like just the removal of the Nursing Director will be an improvement.  HOWEVER, we felt strongly that the executive director needs additional training and gave a few examples (allowing d.o.n. to be unprofessional, saying she relies on d.o.n. because she doesn't know this population that she serves, wishes SHE had power of attorney for her parents, etc.)  I praised the nurses who cared for him and acknowledged that they were hindered by a broken system.

I also got a little dig in about the attempted moving in of a third person into his original room. I stated that I understand budgets and bottoms lines, however "He's a HOSPICE patient, let's add another person to a difficult situation!  And have we learned NOTHING from the pandemic?"

At the end, she was appalled and to her credit, genuinely upset that we had that experience. Her reaction felt sincere and I hope it wasn't just fake courtesy.  She stated that at first, she was just going to put it through the grievance system but by the end she said she's taking it directly to the Regional Manager who will start an investigation.  Whew!  AND that my "testimony"  will be shared with the Executive Director of the facility.    She asked that I email her the grievance letter (three PAGES) so it could be added to the documentation.  HELL YES.    She said that there will be a follow-up for me, so here's hoping.

I sent that right away then texted the Hospice Nurse that I had filed a report with DSHS and a complaint with the Regional Office.  I got heart emoji's from the Hospice Nurse in response.  I'm certain she's prevented from specifically commenting but I wanted her to know that I kept my promise.

Oh, AND...I mentioned to Bobbi that I had called to make a report to DSHS-APS and she was HAPPY that I did that.  I thought she would be upset or whatever but she was actually encouraging.  I mentioned that I was a Mandated Reporter and explained that this should have happened sooner but you know, all the dying and stuff slowed the process.

Kevin said after his dad passed that he wasn't sure about doing all of this and I was a little stunned. I mean..what?  I said that we don't want any of the other families to have this experience and he agreed. He doesn't want the nurses and social worker (yes, I singsonged that name as I typed) to have unintended consequences. So, *whispering*  I'm just going to tell him about the report to the Regional Office because he'll enjoy hearing that Director of Nursing is no longer there. I mean, I get that he just wants to move on but seriously, we don't want this situation to continue.

Then at the party, we visited with one of the cousins who is a Director of Nursing for a major metropolitan hospital.  Kevin had called her for guidance in the past so we were thanking her for helping us through the whole thing.  I told her that it all came down to the facility had not put the Hospice Care Plan into place at all.  She said that she had suspected as much but professionally could not say that at the time.  

By this time, Kevin had wandered away and I leaned into the cousin, conspiratorially, and said "I made a report to the DSHS-APS AND to the regional office of the facility."  Her eyes got big and she said "Good job" but I also think she might be a little scared of me now.  I shared that I'm a Mandated Reporter so when all was said and done, I was required to.

I have USPS informed delivery and I saw that the response from the state was supposed to be delivered on Monday.  It was not.  Not on Tuesday or Wednesday, Thursday or Friday.  I reported it lost via the USPS website but we all know that is going nowhere.  

Instead, I phoned them to report that the letter had never arrived.  I mentioned that because of the circumstances (his passing), I imagine that it will be screened out but at least it's on record.  They were emphatic that with this branch of DSHS, they Do NOT screen reports out; all reports are followed through. (That's a relief and also frustrating because for the other end of the age spectrum, they do screen out.) Also, that the missing letter just notifies me of a case number and caseworker assigned.  It gave me the opportunity to provide the update that the d.o.n. was no longer at the facility and that a grievance had been filed with the facility regional office and that we still wanted to follow through with a report.

Now, we wait for the follow-up on all of that.

  And the facility executive director  will absolutely know that I'm working in the background airing all her deficiencies.  I said I was going to set things on fire when this was done and here we go.  

$700,000 - A Raising Parents Saga

 You guys. Seriously.  You guys.  My gawd.  You thought we were done.

So, I just got off the phone with a lawyer from the father-in-law's car insurance company.  Yes, lawyer and yes, insurance company.

Cast your mind back to two years ago, just short of one month of two years ago but let's say: TWO YEARS AGO.

When my father-in-law had a rear-ender car accident that resulted in his van being totaled.  Shortly after that, he landed in the facility for the remainder of his life.  Remember that?

*exasperated sigh*

The driver he hit is suing his insurance for nearly a quarter of a million dollars.

I mean...

I listened to the lawyer explain that he was just assigned the case and that the file is thick and he hasn't had time to glean much information other than the basic facts.  He was calling me, as the Power of Attorney and point-of-contact to let me know that proceedings have begun to sue and to verify information.

I had to count to ten in my head before I replied, seriously.  "Well, I have to let you know that he's dead. He died a month ago."  My tone was calm but sniper calm.

He paused, gave the obligatory condolences, and says basically "This changes things but the PROCESS will continue regardless."  He explains that they will go after the estate once the insurance pays out what the coverage states the limit is. ($100,000 btw)

I scoffed and said "Well, not only is he dead, he is broke.  We had to spend every penny and sell everything he had to get him onto Medicaid and into a facility.  Good.Luck.With.That.  He is literally 'dead broke'."

He mentioned something about allegations so I asked him to elaborate.  The driver is claiming that they have had $30,000+ worth of medical bills and is looking at $50,000 in additional medical bills for concussion, shoulder, and anguish plus loss of income.  He was subtly eye-rolling the list as he was telling me.

I explained that was reported to me as: it was a simple accident. They were driving a luxury full-size SUV and that it seems like my dad's 15 year old minivan took more damage than they did.  Also, that the insurance agent was on the scene afterward and reported that the other driver was hysterical to the point the first responders put them in an ambulance because they couldn't communicate with them.  Then I encouraged the lawyer to please reach out to the insurance agent for details because again: my dad is dead.

So, if you did the math above, that is not $700,000 worth of medical bills.  The insurance actually covers her medical bills and stated future medical bill estimate,  AS SHOULD THIER OWN GDAMN INSURANCE.  They are asking for $600,000 damages and all that.

Sigh.

The lawyer mentioned, a little derisively, that they had hired one of those As Seen On TV law firms and this is what they do; ask for much more than what is morally and ethically owed.  He mentioned it, and of course I searched for them.  It is definitely the bus-stop law firm.

Anyway, the lawyer mentions again that the insurance will cover up to $100,000 and anything over than that, the estate will have to pay.  I laughed and asked "With what?"  He said that was the thing, it should end there because the estate has no assets.  But they can still try to bill the estate.  TO WHICH, I said "Then I will pay them with monopoly money."

The lawyer paused, then laughed, and said "I will send you a stamp."

So, that just happened.  There's nothing I/we can do but wait for the lawyers to fight it out and reach an agreement. 

This is never going to end.