All Moved In

 I am not going to go on my whiny rant about how I dislike Father's Day specifically this year (and Mother's Day, every year)  Instead I'm going to tell you about how we "celebrated" that particular day.

The parents gravestone was installed the week after the memorial.  The cemetery had sent me a photo so I knew what it looked like now that it was installed.  Unfortunately, it was a little dirty and that annoyed me.  But, I decided that they took it prior to cleaning it. They did not, but more about that in a minute.

Kevin wanted to go see the marker and his brother's marker that we had installed after his mom died; while we were on vacation. Unfortunately, the parents wasn't ready yet.  Instead, we planned on "celebrating" Father's Day by going to the cemetery.

I have been there, three times.  I have a map.  A thing to know about me: I really struggle with maps.  My brain cannot translate the information, unfortunately.  So, it turned into a little bit of a effed-up treasure hunt.  Kevin holding the map the correct orientation and me using the coordinates the cemetery gives you:  Block 4/Section 11/Lot 5

I missed telling Kevin to turn when we entered the cemetery so we went to Baby Thomas marker first.  I had visited it when I was there dropping off the parents and had spent a few minutes cleaning it.  It had become overgrown a little though so I had made a plan. I brought water, clippers, rags, and simple green.  

We parked in the middle, so it was an equal walk to Baby Thomas and to where I thought the parents were.  I was wrong so one of us had to walk back to the car to get the cleaning kit. Kevin was uncharacteristically fussy about this until I realized that he needed A Moment.  I walked back to the car, got the cleaning kit, then slow walked back to the marker.  

By the time I returned, he had dusted off the marker and sent a photo to his brother.  Then we both sat on the ground to share a moment before starting to clip the grass away from his marker and wash it.  While Kevin was working on that, I got distracted looking at the other markers from where I was standing.  After he was finished, Kevin handed me a rag and spray bottle and asked "Can you just clean hers real quick?"  Next to Baby Thomas was Edith.  Edith was also born in 1959 and it was clear no one had come to visit her for quite a while.  I knelt down and cleaned the marker then clipped away the grass.  I told her that I'm going to go onto ancestry and find her.  (then I've forgotten her last name so next time I go, I'm looking her up before I leave the cemetery)

Meanwhile, Kevin's now brushing off other sites and telling me that next time we'll clean some of the graves.  I explained that there are people on social media who do just that and I'll look up what to use.  I made the joke that we were going to be here all day and he refocused on finding the parents again.

Once I found them, I felt ridiculous, it was so easy to find them.  They're between two trees, one older and one younger.  There's a little "scatter garden" in front of them (scattering what, I am unsure. It was small so perhaps pets?)

The marker was still dirty but it became apparent why.  They had just...dug...in the dirt so there was dirt surrounding the marker.  But we cleaned it the best we could, took a photo and again, I gave Kevin a moment to talk to his parents.   

He said he thought he was prepared but once he saw it in person, reality hit.  I wondered that a person can't  predict how they're going to feel; only conceptualize.  I felt a little better knowing that they're together again, near their family & child, and that it was the final step.  But...that being said...I can't think too hard about it either.

My mother-in-law's parents are right next door to them so we took a few minutes to clean their marker as well.  By the time we finished, Kevin was ready to be done so we left.  We didn't visit his other grandparents graves but we'll do that next time. Also his ancestral family is buried in that cemetery, we  have to find them too.  (great grandparents, etc)

Now he was thinking that we would just do that on every Father's Day and I mentioned Mother's Day. But they're so close in time so perhaps on their birthdays (November & April) instead.  Or, that we can go whenever he wanted, there's no rule.

As we drove home, I mentioned that I have no idea where either of MY parents are.  I'm assuming that they're at their house - where my brother now lives, don't get me started - but I'm not sure.  It would be like them to scatter ashes and not let me know.  (that's a whole other story. Ooof, that will be another day)  

But my point being: it's actually nice to have a space to go "visit".  

Kevin mentioned posting on social media so the cousins could see.  He mentioned an aside to my family "see? this is how you honor your parents" 

I thought about it a minute and instead tried for a light take on the situation:  "We visited the parents at their new place and did a little cleaning this morning. They're all moved in and near their families now."