05 March 2012

I Don't Care What Happens To You

A while ago I read an article in Oprah magazine about "how to love more while caring less."  It caught my attention because wha?  how does that go again?

I became more puzzled when I read the basic principle was thinking "I don't care what happens to you" when it comes to dealing with difficult people in our lives, siblings, friends, whatever.

Here's an excerpt:
To care for someone can mean to adore them, feed them, tend their wounds. But care can also signify sorrow, as in "bowed down by cares." Or anxiety, as in "Careful!" Or investment in an outcome, as in "Who cares?" The word love has no such range of meaning: It's pure acceptance. Watching families like Loretta's taught me that caring—with its shades of sadness, fear, and insistence on specific outcomes—is not love. In fact, when care appears, unconditional love often vanishes.

It's been weeks and I am still mulling it over.  Essentially it is about teaching yourself to care about that person without stressing out over their choices or the possible result thereof.

Here is an example:  The Nephew is taking on managing, with the possibility to own, a coffee shop with his fiancee in Seattle.  This makes my stomach hurt.  The risk, the stress, the kids moving away.  What if, what if, what if.  Did they think about, did they consider, what if.

If I am understanding this idea correctly then I am supposed to only focus on the fact that he is feeling excited, happy, and challenged.  (challenged as a good thing, not as a derp thing)

As if. As if that were possible.

I just don't know if that's possible but it is interesting to think about.  What would happen if we just thought/said/tried to just care for someone but not care what happens to them?  Is that a good thing? Or is it a terrible idea?

I keep trying to find ways to apply it to my life but it just goes against most of what I think and know.

What do you think?  What if you didn't care what happens to someone? Would it be better or worse?

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