Many people watched in delight as He Who Shan’t Be Named was
caught on video trying to get his wife to hold his hand at a state dinner. Initially, I too found delight in the
rejection and embarrassment.
Then someone on the twitter mentioned to rewatch the clip,
but only watch her expression. I wish I
didn’t. It was no longer entertaining to
me. It became heart-breaking and to
sound like a Millennial, I found myself a little triggered. I now view her a
survivor of domestic violence who is still unsafe.
Now, this is where I say that yes, she has made choices that
has put her into the situation she is now.
But there is no way that she could have guessed how she would end up in
the global spotlight. We also don’t know
what prompted her to make those choices. And really, none of us are faultless
in making choices that have landed us in unhappy situations.
The desperation and insistence that she hold his hand for
appearances and not affection is something I’ve experienced. It creates an emotion unto itself: frustration,
humiliation, dread, and sadness all intermix. It’s not about affection, it’s about
ownership, control, and appearances.
But what sent me over the edge was his nod when she finally acquiesced. That nod gave me chills. I’ve seen that nod. That nod meant “Good girl
for obeying.” It meant “There will be
consequences.” It meant “See? I still
have control.” It makes me nauseous,
still, thinking about it.
So I have to give grace to
someone whom I’d really rather not.
Sadly, I found that we are part of a kinship of being in an unbearable
situation with little control or even hope of a different outcome.
To make it so much more worse, he is the face of America
right now. That makes it difficult to
get up in the morning, for sure. Here's what I suggest:
Hold the hands of those you love. Make a donation to a shelter. Volunteer. Smile at strangers. We're all in this together. Find some grace. That's how I get up in the morning.
Oh, and eff.that.guy. I almost forgot that part.
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