Worry Just Enough

Work has been rough lately.  Seriously stressful (and I feel like that word is way overused so if I'M using it, some sh*t has gone down)

I often make the joke "I need to start drinking again" while at work.  It is intended as a joke but man, lately, I've felt like I'm not joking. At all.

And this, dearies, is why I don't drink. 

While I'm not an alcoholic and I don't feel like I've been in the neighborhood even, I keep a very close eye on it.  Having been raised by alcoholics and have grandparents who were also alcoholics, why would I even try to trigger whichever gene it resides in?

I've been "sober" I put that in quotes because it feels like me using that phrase diminishes someone elses struggle & I don't like that nor intend it.  Let's try again: I haven't drank in probably more than three years.  The last time I had double shot of Jack Daniels while we were in Vegas. It didn't do much for me and I felt like it was a waste of time, This Time.  However, the time before that I did get stupid drunk and I'm not even sure how it happened. (New Years Eve and I wasn't pouring but that's no reason)

The fact that the joke "I should start" has recently held some want to it is a bad sign.  If I think about it, I can picture it, I can taste it and I can want it.  So I try to avoid that.  I redirect myself, I acknowledge that it is a scary little street to travel down, and/or I go get an iced mocha which is a much "better" choice.

Kevin thinks I may over-worry about this.  He also tells me that I will know when I would be drinking too much because "You would come home to all your sh*t in the yard." But I think I worry just enough.  Just enough to keep me from buying a travel size bottle of Jack and relieving tension in not the best way. 

See? I readily came to that example above. That shows me that drinking is not a good idea for me.