I rarely plan anything in my life. So it comes to no surprise to me that I stumbled, almost literally, into this situation.
"Closure" is not a word that I enjoy. It's just too buzzwordy and seems self-serving, in my opinion. But here I am, feeling the effects of closure. I mean, I know it's a thing and a thing that has worth. But I think the need for closure that might never happen will always exist because: humans.
It wasn't really on my to-do list. It was something I've thought about but not something I would have ever had the motivation to put into motion by myself. It's not an easy thing to do. Even with still being in contact with this person off and on, clearly there was an elephant in the room that we were ignoring.
It began with an impulsive, simple Happy Birthday text. Then a joke was made. Then sh*t got real. Before I knew it a real and long overdue conversation happened. The air was cleared, the past put to rest, and a new future is optional. Not guaranteed because stuff still happened but it's not a duck-down-an-aisle-in-the-grocery-store kind of situation anymore. (which I've totally done)
To protect this person, I am not going into specifics. This is part of honoring that closure. This is so squelching the need for OMG YOU GUYS. I WANT TO TELL YOU ALL THE THINGS.
Instead of carrying around a consistent feeling of "Sh*t, I effed that all up." when I think of this person; I know that I am forgiven and that person has no doubt of my feelings or intentions, either past or present. And the reverse is true because it takes two.
This is not the part where I recommend "You should do this too!" because No. I don't know if it was a good idea in the long run, I can only speak for my side, and I think it is a very personal and individual thing. Really, it's not something I did purposefully so I can take no credit. I tripped over the universe and here I am, mildly unscathed. I can only acknowledge that I feel better afterward and hope that the other person does also.