SOCKS

 So....guess who had to spend time with shmamazon customer service today?  Yep, it's Me.

One week, almost to the hour, I am tracking down where three large boxes of socks have gone.  The tracking numbers state that two of the boxes have arrived. One of the boxes is "damaged" and was last seen in Lathrop, CA.  Because, of course.

(for context, if you're confused: read this first)

The mother-in-law's shmamazon account did not reflect any progress in this return so I went to check their banking account.  Since I last logged in, they have instituted multi-factor authentication, which is great. Until you're trying to hack into your parents account.

Sigh.

Kevin came in right as I was debating my next step.  "Well, it seems like you have to go over there." he says.  "Not it" he says.  Funny, helpful.

We walked over there - he took mercy - and he asked them if they had checked their account recently.  Yes, they said emphatically.  When? Kevin asked.  .....they think it was Monday?... but the money wasn't IN THERE.  I tried to ask how they checked and did not get a clear answer.  I believe they checked because their monthly bank statement arrived.  (I know, right)

THEN...because there's always a then...the mother kind of pouts and says "You would think that they would Call Me to check about this weird order before they sent it."

How did you do with not reacting to that?  It's tough, isn't it?

We explained that there are millions...probably billions...of customers and that was an unreasonable expectation.  She accepted but did not enjoy that answer.

So we came back to the house.  I resigned myself to sitting on the phone with customer service.  Well, to my surprise, it went quickly.  

Here's how to do that:

Search shmamazon customer service telephone number.  (don't try to find it via their site)

It will give you the link to the page to phone them. Go there then Enter your number and click Call Me Now

Your phone will immediately ring but don't panic, it's a robot at first.

Here's the key to THAT:  press either # or * or the ZERO key multiple times.  The system will tell you "Now transferring you to an agent"  This works on all phone trees, usually.  You're welcome.

I got a lovely person named Pam, which made me think of The Office.  I was skeptical that they would allow me access to her account but I had all the right answers to the questions and had access to her email to verify.  WHEW.

Now, how do you succinctly explain that you returned three boxes of one-hundred-ish socks?  And that one of the boxes was "damaged" and not delivered?  

Somehow I managed.  She began to process the refund but then needed to know "How much do you expect the refund to be?"  That's a fair question but MATH.  I explained that how ever much three boxes of socks cost but "I don't math, I'm sorry."

She kind of giggled quietly and said she could help with that.  Then she asked if she could place me on a brief hold so she could complete the transaction.  "Absolutely," I told her.  "I'm just working while you're working"

A few minutes later, she returned and the refund was completed. Unfortunately the transfer of money will take up to seven days.  Key words: up to.  It's usually not that long.  I half-heartedly tried the "They are on a fixed income, is there another way?" tactic but there wasn't.  I sighed and said "Well, this is just a very expensive lesson learned about ordering things."  and again with the quiet giggle from the rep.

Hopefully this will be resolved by Monday and I can stop thinking about it.  I did manage to math and this cost them $143.34, over $50 of which was taxes, shipping, processing, etc.  Those are some expensive socks. It's a bummer but sometimes it takes something like this to get people to understand that they need help.

Finally, Kevin made a joke to the parents about how they "owe" me for fixing this.  Then he followed up with "How about some socks?"  Then he continued with "Fix their phone? Pair of socks.  Make them dinner? Pair of socks.  Let the dog out to go potty? SOCKS."