A Very Necessary Screening Part One

 My mother-in-law has been gone for 96 days and it doesn't feel like it's been that long.  But I know it's been a few months because I'm almost caught up on all my health exams.  (like how I made that about me?  You though "Oh gawd, she's talking about death again"  FOOLED YOU)

I had put off all my health exams for the past almost two years. Between the pandemic, the in-laws, and everything else, there just didn't feel like there was time to get them completed.  Now I only have three out of six appointments left: dentist, two-year eye surgery follow-up and perhaps the most awful routine appointment that there is: colonoscopy.

So, this is where I say that the ever-so-lovely Swistle documented her adventure on the social media last month.  We did not coordinate this, it was just a strange coincidence.

And thank the universe that she shared her information because it saved me from burning everything down on Tuesday.  I was a FULL MOOD.

Today is when the "fun" starts. This is my itinerary:

It's SUPER FUN.

 I was feeling lucky that the doctor prescribed the meds instead of the gallon of yuck prep method.  UNTIL I see that I have to eat clean/low fiber for THREE days prior. Cue me going to the grocery store because I had stuff for one day.  BUT I'm not drinking the yukky stuff.  AND I will liberally  remind myself that "Swistle had to drink the yukky stuff"  lolsigh.  

THEN I picked up the meds and SIGH.  I almost want the yucky stuff.  TWELVE PILLS the size of a nickel, if it were rolled in half.  TWELVE.  With 32 oz. of water within an hour of taking the pills which take FIFTEEN minutes to take....AND THEN do it again six hours later, which is conveniently timed for 2:45 in the morning.  So much sighing.  And no, they cannot be crushed or cut. 

The prescribed diet is basically all stuff I don't eat because it gives me a stomach ache.  I'm guessing that I'm gluten and/or lactose intolerant or something. *eyerolling myself* Or it's high in salt.  ACK.  Then it feels like it's adding to the disordered eating that the alphabet brain does and DOUBLE ACK.

THEN Kevin came home yesterday and asked what was for dinner and I legitimately wanted to punch him in the face.  MYGAWDMAN.  I told him that he will need to buy dinner tomorrow because No.

Today I ate at 8:45 am, just prior to the 9:00 deadline.  I followed the instructions and had eggs and toast and a few bites of cottage cheese.  Then I doused myself with 16 oz. of water just for good measure.

I took Lucy for walkies because my mental health needed an adjustment and I admit it helped.  Also, I had to do it early because I knew I wouldn't be feeling well this afternoon, prior to the pill taking and most certainly afterward.

The plan is to sleep on the couch tonight but now I'm considering setting up the air mattress.  I don't want to keep/wake up Kevin eleventy times during the night. The couch has television, the air mattress would have Lucy.  (it would be in my office)  Or maybe a combination of both could work.

The saving grace today is that the clear diet allows carbonated drinks.  I made myself a Lotus drink, using blue Lotus because purple, orange, and red are banned.  I chose Blue Raspberry flavor because I don't like Apple and the Kiwi is so TART.  All the other flavors are red/purple/orange or Pineapple.

Also, now it makes sense that my m-i-l's last advice to me was about making jello.  I have two bowls made, one yellow and one green.  One I made correctly, the other one I added too much water.  It's vaguely lemon.  

Starch is not my friend, salt is not my friend. If nothing else, this has shown me that I must eat pretty well regularly.  I eat raw and frozen vegetables, I eat a lot of colors of food.  On the high-fiber/clean diet, I've had a stomach ache all week and it's not just anxiety.  Although my anxiety is at 7, probably.

This is where I say this is a very necessary screening and everyone should do it. It's IMPORTANT.

This is also where I say that Ugh, I'm so PUT OUT about this colonoscopy prep process. I mean, it's the not eating, then the meds, and no sleep because the second set of meds are at 2:45 in the morning, then the whole thing. Also, you have to have a driver which is terrible timing for Kevin to take off and the siblings will be gone (that's a whole other story)  My point is that: It really is no wonder why people don't do this test. 

I guess I'll be happy when I'm in the clear or relieved if there is something wrong and they caught it.  BUT STILL: FML  I hate everyone right now. 

And now this turned into a multiple post bloggity because Ooofff.  Everything fine, just click through to the next post.