Five Minutes Peace - The Latest Edition of Raising Parents

I remember a thousand years ago when my best friend had all-the-kids under grade school age and was a stay-at-home mom.  The book Five Minutes Peace was new...maybe? popular, probably at the time.  I sent it to her as gift of support.

I think about that book often, not as in I-gave-it-as-a-gift but like I do with If You Give A Mouse A Cookie.  My life is often If You Give a Mouse a Cookie.  I realized today that it has also become Five Minutes Peace.

A new stove is to be delivered sometime this afternoon. That is another whole story but try to focus.  

I had four errands to run, not including walkies for Lucy.  I started early, after working all morning so that I was home well in time for said delivery. They weren't difficult errands: recycling, buying dog food, dropping off goodwill donations and recycling grocery bags.  All in and out, quick.  

My phone rang when I'm less than one minute away from recycling, my first stop.  I had been gone fifteen minutes.  It's my father-in-law.  Like always, it's a scenic tour to the point.  Two things happened: he managed to get two flu shots in one week and he fell.  Which happened first? unclear for a minute.  

I'm getting that frustrated kind of tired where you're teary.  I'm thinking "I can drop recycling and go right back home. That will be twenty minutes at the most. I can call the ambulance..."

Then I get to the "I fell last night after dinner" part.  Okay, heart rate: return to normal. Brain, you can also just relax. Everyone stand down.

There were two separate incidents, unrelated perhaps, and the reason he phoned was he needed to know Which Shot He Still Needed.  He was certain he had three flu shots.  (spoiler alert: he didn't)

For effs sake.

I clarified which shots he's had in the past two months and said I would work on this when I got home.  He was satisfied with this answer then said he was really sore and how sister-in-law had to help him put on his socks.  Sigh.

I suggested that he could a) call the doctor b) go back to the chiropractor and/or c)  take some tylenol and rest.  He clarified again: he was sore from falling but maybe because he had all the flu shots.  I repeated his options and he chose to rest.  Okay, then.

Lucy and I went for walkies - in the rain because Fall in the PNW - and I texted my sister-in-law the update.  She just phoned me, it was too much to text.  He fell because he dropped a fork and ignored the siblings telling him to leave it.  Like a toddler - not sarcastic, literally like a toddler - he got his head over his feet and fell, unprotected.

This is where she shares that he hit his head.  WUT.

a) he didn't tell me this. He said his back hurt

2) he's 85, diabetic and on blood thinners.

c) they left him home alone and didn't tell anyone TO CHECK ON HIM FFS

ACK.  Now I'm back to considering returning home.  She said that she was confident he was fine and also said she would come home if she needed to and if I could check on him when I get home.

This is my life now.

Okay, so whatever, there's that.  I then phoned the pharmacy to clarify which shot he received on Friday.  They transferred me to the pharmacist who loves my f-i-l.  She explained that he got the flu and the Covid imm and how did he get two flu shots.  "Because I didn't phone you to clarify. I  thought he had it and indeed, he did not."

She says "Well, you're guaranteed a long life. You've fulfilled the fifth commandment and have honored your parents.   You will have a good long life."  

It's very sweet of her to say and I appreciate the support but the alphabet brain is scrambling for which commandment...it's not the right for not self-incrimination...and also: it feels like this whole thing is shortening my life. But it was nice of her to say.

I finished my errands, after two separate conversations with Kevin and return home.  I went downstairs to check on him and the door is locked. I can see that he's snoozing in his chair and their dumb dogs did not bark.  I backed away slowly and quietly and went back home.  

Then I thought "Well, maybe I should check because he hit his head" then the equally dark thought of "If it happened, it's already happened.  Possibly waking him up would be worse."  Yeah, that's effed up, I know.

I let my s-i-l know and checked with Kevin to make sure he agreed.  He did and so I started to work. 

About two hours later, my f-i-l phones.  He asked if the stove has been delivered yet then announces that he is getting a Shingles shot on Sunday.  I wanted to say "Can we just calm down with the shots for a little while?" but instead I said "Great!"  

Then..because there's always something else...he says that he's going to the doctor tomorrow to see why he's falling "all the time".  I measured my words and said "My guess is she's going to tell you you're 85 years old"  He took that on the chin but was adamant that he was asking.  FINE.

But I absolutely emailed the doctor all of the above so she had the information ahead of time. Then debated whether or not I should just go.  Kevin said no and sister said no.  I'm not going. Yet.

So, let's back up two months ago when he fell just prior to leaving for California.  YES, a WHOLE OTHER STORY.  The doctor told him that he needed to start using a walker and he declined that.  He was polite about it but no.  I've since reminded him that Mom's walker is in our shed and we can bring it down. He says no.

It turns out that s-i-l still has the walker from hospice - they knew we'd need it - and she is putting it in his room tonight and having another "bone of contention" discussion.  1...2...3...NOT IT.  Although Kevin has intentions of having a conversation with him about this also.  I reminded him that we had this same conversation with his mom dozens of times and her life ended exactly has predicted: started with a fall and never recovered.  He said he wants to say it so he knows he's said it.  FINE.

But wait, I'm not done.  I haven't mentioned that I went to the doctor with him A WEEK AGO.  It was his annual exam and really wasn't that comprehensive or enlightening because he's 85 and he is in there all the time.

He did, however, fail his cognitive tests.  I wasn't surprised but I was also disheartened.  The doctor specifically asked who is handling his finances and decisions.  I explained that the family was and she was visibly relieved.  

Yet, she gave him a handicapped placard for this van.  I mean....wut.  (they had one, it was invalidated when mom passed)  He renews his license next month and we're equally hoping and dreading that he fails. 

On that day though, I spent forty minutes on the phone with Kevin in the grocery store parking lot rehashing everything that was said and recommended.  INCLUDING the fact that he is also having AUDITORY HALLUCINATIONS at night, most likely due to stress.  He's hearing church music/noises when he's alone and it's loud enough to drown the television noise.  The cure? up his anti-depressants and time.  Super.

It feels like I'm forgetting a big part of that doctor visit and I probably am. But nothing else will describe this situation better than "I just can't remember all of it; there's so much." Oh wait, I took notes on my phone...oh, of course: he arrived to that appointment with wet pants because he couldn't find a parking space and he refuses to wear much-needed diapers.  Yeah.

And keep in mind: he doesn't live with us. He lives next door and it's still this intense.  And, and, and, Kevin is going to have to tell all of them: "If you have complaints, talk to that person. Don't talk to us and then get frustrated that it isn't fixed."

So...yeah.  It's been a roller coaster this week.  It's Tuesday,

And my damn stove still isn't here.  It's officially six minutes past the delivery window.  Of course.

Oh, and I'm getting a new stove from my father-in-law as a thank you for helping so much over the last year(s).  It better also be able to tie my shoes and wash my truck.