12 June 2024

Broken Kids Club

 One of the things that I noticed when I was doing the Nostalgia Project was that I didn't keep friends long-term.  I've learned over the past few years that neuro-divergent kids or kids who have ACES scores have trouble making or keeping friends.  It was one of those things that I'm all "Oh, yeah.  That makes sense, because I am both of those."

I had friends all through school, however I was one of those kids who didn't belong to a specific group. Not an outcast, smoking across the street kid or hiding in the library kind of kid. Definitely not the popular or sports crowd, a little bit the drama and music crowd.

I had a main friend group, four girls and four boys and we waxed and waned throughout high school.  It depended who had lunch together or who had to work or was on a different academic path. I've since learned it also depended on any individuals headspace at any given time.

Now with the perspective of many years, I see that it was Broken Kid Meets Broken Kid. 

My childhood best friend moved away in eighth grade, we kept in contact then lost touch as young adults, then thanks to social media found each other again.  She lived in poverty and fell through the cracks because the family moved so much.  She just texted me because a photography tip I learned from the ticktock worked for her. She sent a gorgeous photo from hiking.  

One of my high school bff will randomly message me or vice versa.  We don't spend time together but when we do, it's like none time has passed.  The other I ended the friendship (see "What do We do About A Problem Like Maria) and the other we're friends on social media.  All had complicated homes lives as well.  The boy counterparts are online only and usually a casual comment or message every once in a while.

The broken kid friends cycle didn't stop but improved with adulthood.  Also though, the friendships aren't frequently talking or seeing each other, "normal" kind of friendships; while at this stage of life it feels like that isn't particularly unusual.  I've found that friendships wane as we age; jobs, marriage/relationships, kids, then raising parents for many of us, takes much of a persons time. 

My adult bff lives on the opposite coast.  Kevin thinks it's odd that we don't see each other or talk but write letters and emails, snaps and texts.  It's what works for us.  My other adult bff I see often and is the kind of relationship where you can just be quiet together.  But that relationship takes long pauses as well. Another adult friend is the occasional "Hey, still alive?" message with promises to get together then rinse and repeat until...

Social media has made friendship easier for me and I suspect for many others.  Far-away friends sometimes feel more real than ones you've actually met.  Social media posts are sometimes easier than a text or a call.  Friendship just doesn't seem to exist in the same as it once was.


Swistle said...

I have three close friends of the sort where we live far away and we're only in touch by email, cards, Snaps. And those are my top three, the ones I'd name first if I had to rank my friends---which is a little interesting to me, since I do also have long-term in-person friends. It seems like the in-person friends would be closer, but no!

Surely said...

Swistle, I will say that John Cusack Day is one of my favorite days :)
Kevin says far-away friends work better because you don't get the opportunity to get annoyed with each other. Lol

Life of a Doctor's Wife said...

My two closest friends live far away. One I talk on the phone with regularly (about an hour every week or two) and the other one I text multiple times daily.

Friendships do seem to have a different quality as I age, though! There's something about sharing childhood experiences with another person that forges such a strong bond.

NGS said...

My closest friends live far away. I feel like it's part of the adult experience!