The Missing Thing Is...

 So, you're probably aware that there was a very big news story the other day that most people, it feels, were relieved about.  This is not about that, necessarily, so please keep reading.

I usually don't post political stuff on my social media unless it's something really big or gives me feels, like "Stay out of my Uterus" or "I am a Ally".  Even when I post, it's usually fairly benign.

I posted a meme that hits that criteria.  "Live you life so that the entire world doesn't celebrate your guilty verdict"  No further comment, nothing inflammatory.  I knew that there would probably be one comment that would be all "Yeah...but..." and as long as it's respectful and true, I can be open to the other opinions.

Welp.

I dislike this phrase and never use it. I've had to done to me in the past and I get it, it just gets over-used. I was man-splained.

Summary:

• I was wrong.
• He used a phrase that a) wasn't accurate to the situation and 2) is often a key word frequently used in a certain "news" organization
• He "has a legal background so he knows"  (he's not a lawyer, btw)

This began a debate between a high school friend whom I consider incredibly smart and educated. They do have a Masters Degree and a high level job in finance for the government. The first commenter I knew when I was younger that worked for the federal government. They, at most, react to some things that I post. Another is a regular commenter on any of my posts whom knows my beliefs but disagrees and we're fine.  The rest were just out of the woodwork, if you will.  The man-splainer 

Sidebar: I was working on my response when the wife of a friend piped in during the debate with a YEAH WHAT HE SAID and we should put all the politicians in jail because they're all criminals. Sigh. Then followed by someone else posting a Monica Lewinsky meme that I deleted just as soon as it posted. I mean, C'MON. But the frosting on the cake was my very liberal high school English teacher plainly and dryly posting a comment "That's a good plan." in response.

Kevin said I should have known that was going to happen and I agreed. Yet I post for my friends whom agree and maybe don't feel comfortable posting on their own pages.  It's easier to react to a post than it is to post one due to guaranteed conflict. Like this.

So, I wrote my response on a word document, edited, walked away, walked back, edited, thought about it, then posted.  In the meanwhile, the debate continued, respectful but still.  I wrote:

He was tried and convicted by a jury of his peers, in his hometown, after careful consideration. It does not meet the definition of a kangaroo court. It’s incredibly disappointing that anyone would support this indicted and now convicted felon. If you wonder my sources, I am careful to balance whom I read and reference to avoid - as best I can - any bias. While I’ve only worked for at-risk children, women, and families my entire adult life and don’t have a legal background, I’m still well informed. The only disapproval being heard seems to be from folks who only listen to only one "news" source. I did not jump into any other comments or posts to cry foul or celebrate. Now respectfully I ask to stop commenting. I'm not squashing debate, I'm not having dis-information on my feed.

I thought that I would either get no response - which is totally fine - or get an "Okay" kind of response either via comment or messenger. 

NOPE

We were supposed to be gone all weekend.  In fact, we were gone all day Friday and Saturday.  I posted on my social media about what we were doing so it was clear that we weren't home. I didn't pay close attention to anything else on my media. I only posted.

Over ONE DAY LATER, he posts a link for "proof" that he's right and I'm wrong.  He states "here is one of the most fair-minded legal minds out there, a regular on CNN. He even says this prosecution was BS." with a link to an article.

I was immediately angry.  I felt like I was clear that I didn't want the discussion to continue. I said that it's my page and that this was my boundary.  And he stepped over that in order to show me he was right.

After thinking about it and considering just taking the post down, I decided to ignore the comment. Let others decide for themselves but I wasn't going to give this any more oxygen. 

Also, I didn't take it down because sixteen people reacted favorably to it and I didn't want to disrespect that support either. (yes, that's not a big number but still. And not everyone will react yet still like the post)

BUT, I was curious about the link and it was itching my brain. AND I honestly do try to read opposing opinions if they're from a credible source. Once I was home I looked up the link. 

• It was behind a pay-wall.
• It was from a lifestyle magazine that isn't the New Yorker and isn't entertainment.
• The magazine isn't even featured on the Media Bias charts (so not considered a news source)
• The person cited wasn't staff on a network. He's not even a pundit.  He's an "analyst" that is occasionally used. To be fair: he IS a lawyer with experience.
• He is regularly referred to on the other "news" sites and their affiliates

The end result is the link was absolutely cherry-picked just to prove me wrong.  There were no other corroborating articles from anyone else.

Now, if you've read this far, thanks.  This is my point:

It's not about the disagreement about the post. It's not about politics. It's not even about social media.

It's about I stated an opinion in a funny and benign way.  Additionally, I posted a -what I felt was clear - request "to respectfully stop commenting"  

Someone felt comfortable enough to try to correct me in my own space then further ignore the boundary placed. To me, that is the biggest problem.  The "Stand aside, little lady, and I will show you how you're wrong. Let me educate you".  Or take gender out of it completely: the comfortability and ease to just pee in someone's cheerios because they don't agree.  (that's coarse but it's such an illustrative way to describe what's happening)  This is a base reaction that needs to change. 

I'm GEN-X.  When I was a kid: politics religion and wage was considered beyond rude to discuss.  Then as an adult, the mindset was more open but still impassive.  Somewhere along the line it changed to Everything Should Be Discussed, which has its merits.  

It feels like The Thing that is missing is basic respect. Somewhere the art of "I don't agree, let's move on" turned into "I have the right to prove you wrong in every setting". There has to be a basic decorum where people think "Oh, I don't agree but whatever" and keep scrolling. People need to feel less entitled.

It is also said that "We have to be able to disagree and still live together". This is also true.  There is also accountability.  A person can say whatever they choose, AND there are still consequences.  We also have to be accountable to what level we react or interact. I chose to post and open myself up to comments.

Will I unfriend anyone or block/mute them?  No, it's not worth that drama.  If they continued, then yes.  Otherwise their comments will just fade into oblivion.  One day, maybe, basic manners and decorum will return.