06 August 2011


I am not a hugger.  I'm not necessarily an affectionate person.  Well, let's say that I choose my people slowly and wisely.  The littles, of course, I show lots of affection.  Kevin, clearly.  I hug my nephew.  Sometimes my nieces.

But that's pretty much it.

I wasn't raised in an affectionate family.  We don't hug, we don't touch, we don't cry.  We don't.

At Kevin's birthday party, my mom was getting ready to leave.  She hugged other members of the family, or Kev's family I should clarify.  Kevin came and stood close to me while I watched it happened.  He even whispered "She's hugging everyone.  But you."

As if she heard, she turned and announced "I don't hug you."  It wasn't said with regret, or sadness, or even surprise.  It wasn't intended to be mean.  It was just a declarative statement.  I thought Kevin was going to have to sit down.  She did hug me and yes, it was awkward.

Usually if I touch you, it's because I'm innately trying to determine the physical distance between you and me to compensate for poor vision. With that, I have tried, by a simple touch, to be more affectionate.  As I try though, I have a fight or flight instinct when someone gestures for a hug.  It's rarely comforting to me.  I usually am "talking myself off the ledge" when it happens. 

I understand it may hurt peoples feelings that I'm not a hugger.  I understand.  It's not like I turn and run.  I try to keep it light while bobbing & weaving to avoid it.  I am just not that person.

So, friends in real life, I am sure you're aware: I'm not a hugger.  I apologize for flinching if you try.  Just think of me as a feral child.

How about a fist bump instead?


Swistle said...

I am a bit of a flincher myself. This has been a bit weird for my mom, I think, since she's a hugger and likes back rubs and food rubs.

creative kerfuffle said...

growing up my family wasn't affectionate at all and now i'm just the opposite. i am a hugger. my kids, the hubs, my friends, some family. i don't always hug everybody, but some people i do. my mom tries the hug thing now, but i avoid it. my bff texas is a ginormous hugger, like she will freakin' bear hug you. i love it. hugging is a good feeling. but, i get that not everyone is a hugger. i would force myself on you and hug you anyway if we ever met in person : ) just sayin!