26 January 2014

One Pill Makes You Taller

I've been on nerve blockers for a year now.  I was very hesitant about going on them because I don't like medicine and I worry about dependency.  They were a game changer when it came to living a normal life however.  I was suddenly able to move about much more freely, sleep through the night, and have significantly less pain.
Still, I don't like taking them.  I've skipped doses from time to time and it's fine but I'm noticeably less comfortable.  I am taking the lowest possible does and only at night so the idea of being dependent upon them is considerably less than if I were taking them every day all day.  Luckily (?) they make me a special kind of stupid and that's why I take them at night then take a while to become fully awake in the mornings.

The other concern that I had was the the medicine would mask any ongoing problems.  I was told that if something went wrong, say a screw coming loose or a plate shifting that I would certainly know it, medicine or not.  But, that being said, I couldn't gauge how much discomfort I was having each day now that a significant period of time had passed.

As you've probably guessed, I went off of the meds.  I was instructed to alternate every other night and taper down from there. But you've met me and I'm a rip the bandaid off kind of person.  I simply stopped taking them.

I went two days and was happily surprised that I didn't become bedridden.  I felt okay, actually.  I have a little more movement and a little more awareness.  (my foot/leg is often kind of numb) so I thought "CAKE!"

Never, ever, think or worse say "Cake"  (as in "piece of cake".  You know that's a jinx right?)

Day four and I was all OMGOMGOMG Get me a saw.  The amount of disappointment I had was A LOT.  I don't want to be on this medicine, I don't enjoy the prospect of living the rest of my life feeling like this without it and OMG would someone hand me a chainsaw, please.

I toughed it out. I was determined not to ring the alarm bells until I passed Day Seven.  On Day Six, I went to the chiropractor as a "I'm going to cross this off the list of possible issues before I freak out".
Turns out I was in need of an adjustment.  I left, hoping that it would do the trick.

And it did, sort of. Kind of.  Now here I am on Day Nine and wondering what to do. I continue to feel a little better.  However, old symptoms have returned: numbness when sitting for long periods, not sleeping through the night, and a very unsexy limp.

Now, I'm doing the circular thinking that is unproductive at best.  Stay off of it and get used it?  No, that's silly to be miserable when something can be done.  Go back on it? No, the end goal is not to be on it at all.

The next step is to call the doctor and ask her opinion. Which, in hindsight, is probably what I should have done in the first place probably.  But here I am now.

The one thing I do like about the medicine is the sleeping through the night thing.  That is beautiful and I miss it.  It tends to slow the ADD down a bit and that's good too.  However, it does affect my memory a little bit and that is in the "Do Not Enjoy" category.

I need charts, graphs, and a laser pointer to figure this out.

1 comment:

Swistle said...

Just reading the summary, as a person who is not even you, it looks so simple: go back on the medicine, because it helps you live better in a number of ways and doesn't seem to be addictive in the bad sense (making you crave it, making you want to take it more often or in larger doses). It seems "addictive" only in the way a diabetic's medicine would be: it would feel really bad to go off of it, and make life worse. This medicine seems to just bring your life up to what normal life ought to be; it compensates for an issue, it doesn't make you high or anything.

But as I said, this is from (1) reading a summary and (2) not in fact being YOU. So what seems simple doesn't actual seem simple, even to me; I also understand the feeling of Really Not Wanting Permanent Medication.