Friday

My plan was to write this weekend and schedule posts so that I was once again part of the world and so I didn't have to worry about it over the holidays.

Then Friday happened.

I think everyone will recall for the rest of their lives where they were when they heard the news, much like the Kennedy assassination and 9/11.

I was on the freeway, headed to work.  I checked my phone and that was it.  All I could do is silently repeat our kids names, as if doing so would undo the loss. But by doing so, it felt like they were safe.

It just didn't feel right to post after Friday.  Everything felt frivolous and ridiculous.  So, I didn't.

I did, however, spend some time with the kids on Saturday. I hugged them hard, rubbed their backs, played with their hair, and snuggled.  I had to purposefully not think of twenty little souls as I did it but knew nonetheless that I was being extra affectionate because of them.

The kids seem blissfully unaware. I hope that they stay that way as they are on winter break now.  If only us grownups could be as well.