Covid Christmas - A Three Act Play

 Opening Scene/last night/right before bedtime:

Most of our presents are wrapped and organized for the morning.  Organized in that most of them need to go next door for the kids.  My office looks like Hallmark and the UPS store projectile vomited all over it.  Boxes, wrapping paper, tape, ribbons, everything.  

My plan was to keep the majority of the house clean and just let my office by like a large-scale Monica's Closet.  Mostly that worked.  The flaw in the plan was that I work from home now.  I don't have a giant desk to wrap presents anymore.  Instead, I would take the present(s) out to the dining table, wrap them, and put them under the tree.  Rinse and repeat a gabillion times.

This worked well until I got tired and a little overwhelmed.  I left the gift cards for the kids to the very last.  I had bought bags and boxes of candy to hide them so the presents had weight and sound to them.  What I didn't factor was boxes.  I only had big boxes.  When I went to bed, they were lined up on my desk with sticky notes with the kids names.  Oh, and I had both over-bought and under-bought candy.  I couldn't evenly distribute the candy among the five bigger kids.  Sweet Baby Nephew already had his and so did They - our non-binary nephew.

I told Kevin that I didn't need to sleep in this morning. (this is called foreshadowing...) that I had to solve the box problem and wrap them, I wanted to vacuum the house, and straighten everything up before his parents came over for presents.  No problem, he told me.  The parents won't be moving around early.

Act Two:

He mostly let me sleep in, but not too late. I was in the shower when there was knocking on the door.  Always a good feeling.  Kevin doesn't hear the door because he has hearing loss so I'm leaning out of the shower, yelling his name over the water, and through the house. 

It was his dad, bringing over gifts for later. he assured Kevin that his mom was sleeping and it would be hours before they would come over.  I hurried and got myself ready, then figured out the wrapping issue for the kids.  Luckily I hoard decorative boxes so I emptied the candy into those then buried the gift cards in the boxes, wrapped the boxes and we're done.  Except now I have extra bags of candy.  I found the only two gift bags that I possess, put them in them, and voila.

We loaded the remaining presents into bags, put on boots and coats because it snowed overnight. (hooray!!)  Kevin opened the door for us to leave and....there stands the parents.  Because OF COURSE.  They had made their way from their house THROUGH THE SNOW to ours.  And without checking with us first.

Kevin froze, standing still in the doorway, while I lightly cursed under my breath much like the baby jesus intended.  He sprung into action and brought them into the house - because they're both exhausted now - and got them settled on the couch.  THEN he announces "We'll be back in a minute"  Now it's my time to freeze because umm, Kev? we're leaving your parents alone in the house?  Seems rude but okay.

We walked next door with our presents in time to see Niece, Nephew and They for a few minutes so that was nice timing.  Then we came back to begin our Christmas festivities.  I'm trying not to obsess that the office is a mess, that I was going to sanitize the bathroom for them, and that I hadn't even thought of snacks yet.  But I'm in it now.

Kevin and I got dried off, dried off Lucy and gave her extra treats because, oh yeah I didn't mention THEY BROUGHT THEIR DOG.  If we ever wondered about if Lucy would like a partner, the answer is an emphatic No Thank You.  She's not mean to other dogs but she did spend her time hiding behind Kevin in his chair:

I started to get stuff organized and thought about getting snacks when I turned to spot their dog POOPING ON THE CARPET.  It's a little dog, like five pounds and the poop was a big dog size.  AND she had already pooped in our walkway on the way over here.  

So now I'm trying not to react, trying not to get grossed out, and keeping an eye on Kevin, whose blood pressure was somewhere in the atmosphere at this point.  We tag teamed the clean up and tried to just pretend it never happened.  Meanwhile his dad kept repeated that he was going to take the dog home yet didn't move.  Finally, after clean-up was completed, he wanders back over to the house to put the dog away.  

He finally returns and now we were just starting to think about how to do presents when there was someone at the door. Because you know what? WHY NOT.  It was Kevin's brother and...wait for it...their brand new puppy.  We have now become an Everyone Loves Raymond very special Christmas episode.

So, pause:

Kevin's brother NEVER EVER comes to our house, let alone inside.  Now I have to flip into Be Pleasant, Be Inclusive mode.   I invited him to sit in my chair and I moved the dining chair next to Kevin, which was better anyway.  Nope, gotta make it weird: he sat behind everyone at the dining table "because of the dog".  I so, so, so wanted to say "What's the worst that can happen? It poops on the carpet?"  But I did not and I want a cookie.

And continue...

We start to distribute presents and Kevin can't read the labels so I jumped in and started dealing out presents like a card game.  Finally, everyone is ready and his mom just sits there, bewildered.  She has used every ounce of her energy and brain power to get to this moment and now she's over whelmed.   

Kevin started it off by opening the present that his brother gave him (we chose names) then things started rolling okay.  It turns out that my sister-in-law sent over a gift from them so the gifts would be balanced.  It's a coffee mug with Kevin's photo on it.  Two things to know: Kevin hates having his photo taken and this one is at a Mexican Restaurant, for his birthday, WEARING A SOMBRERO.  Epic.  

So, now the presents are all opened and everyone is just chatting amongst themselves for a minute.  Kevin, who can't exist in clutter is all "Whelp, let's clean this up."  which made me laugh and wince at the same time.    On "normal" Christmas, this is my f-i-l's favorite part.  But Kevin has assumed the mantle this year because 2021.  We separated all the plastic from the paper and rounded up everything in the mud room.  Kevin took the first batch out and I continued cleaning up.  I walked into the mud room to set boxes down and I hear a noise. A noise that sounded like water.

There is my f-i-l peeing in the common folk bathroom and he didn't close the door.  Just left it about halfway open.  Kevin returns and didn't notice so when he turned around, I did that spousal silent communication that you develop over the years to get him to look.  Again, he just freezes. Stares for one beat, his eyes widened then I could actually see him take a deep breath.  He just picked up boxes and went back outside. His dad followed shortly thereafter.

Now it's just my mother-in-law and me, which is fine.  I began to gather up their presents and get them organized so it was easy to carry them. Took the plastic and tags off, put the boxes away, etc.  She's clearly worn out and a little confused at this point.  

Then my f-i-l returns and announces "It's time to go home"  Umm, okay.  He continues to stand in our kitchen, repeats himself, then stands there.  My m-i-l told him to come sit down for a few minutes to visit but he just says "I'm all wet"  No explanation or follow up.  Just "I'm all wet"  (because snowing, I'm hoping/assuming)  She indicates that he just got tshirts, jeans, and a flannel shirt for gifts and he could change clothes.   I'm thinking "Sigh....now she's coherent..."  But he is steadfast, it's time to go home.

Kevin comes into the house and is all What's Happening?  His dad repeats "It's time to go home."  So Kevin flips into combat mode and we try to get everyone headed out the door.  HERDING KITTENS.  My gawd.  Where's my purse? Where's my coat?  Where's my cup?  How are we taking the presents home?

Finally, we get them out the door.  By the time we are halfway there (75 feet, maybe) I hear Kevin ask his mom "Can you make it?" and she says she doesn't think so.  He shifted his body to bear more of her weight and basically carries/shoves her the remainder of the way.  He got them both into their house, put the presents on the table, and I'm pretty sure they were still talking when he closed the door and walked away.  He had hit his Dealing With the Parents Limit.

ACT THREE:

We returned to our nice, quiet, cozy house and just took a deep breath.  Levin sat down and admired his presents. Then I could see he was getting a little antsy.  "Do you want to go out to your shop and play with your new toys?"  You could SEE the relief "If you don't mind..." as he's standing and gathering his stuff.  He had had his limit and I was actually looking forward to some peace myself.

I finished cleaning up and putting stuff away then decided I would go outside to enjoy the snow for a little bit.  Lucy and I walked around the neighborhood and I took photos while she hunted.  Then cold and wet, I came inside and began to write this.

Kevin phones about ten minutes later "The kids are outside, playing in the snow. Come out."

I booted and coated up again and headed out onto our deck and down into our yard, which now has about five inches of snow.  The kids were all playing in the lower property, trying to figure out how to sled without sleds. Flashbacks to about ten years ago when they were little and spent the whole day out sledding.

Then

Now

One of the boys asked me "How would you describe us as we were ten years ago?"  It's such a thoughtful and deep question that it took me a second to absorb it.  "Unstoppable" I told him, "You guys were out here playing so hard, in whatever way you could, with whatever you could."  He seemed to like that answer.

Slowly everyone made it back next door, except the two younger boys.  One complained that his hands were cold and he wanted to go inside.  His brother stopped, stripped off his gloves and gave them to him.  Cue to me getting misty-eyed watching this happen.  They're such good, kind boys, I told Kevin later.

Finally we all returned to warm houses.  I made myself a mocha and sat down to finish this.  

Now an hour later, we've had dinner delivered by the Nephew and have full bellies.  Kevin is dozing and watching television while Lucy sleeps in front of the fire.  I am in my office feeling mellow and cozy.  The m-i-l phoned to thank us for the "perfect, peaceful Christmas" and to apologize for their dog again.  Kevin had her on speaker phone just in time for a gunfight on Yellowstone to break out so we hurriedly finished the conversation. They too are cozy in their home with fully bellies.

For our second Covid Christmas, it was actually pleasant with dashes of crazy.  

I hope this finds you mellow and cozy as well, Happy Holidays