April Fool's Saturday Edition

 There are seven days left in this month and then there better be some sort of shift to get me out of this challenging alternate universe.

Yesterday was fine, mostly.  Three trips into town but fine. (what an interesting way to celebrate Earth Day, lolsigh)   The day before I had to go into my actual office and left the most important piece of what I needed at home.  So that was one of the three trips into town yesterday.

Kevin had to work today, we're in the six-days-a-week season, ugh.  He left at 5:30 like always.  At 6:15, Lucy woke me up insisting that she had to go outside. It's a good thing that we don't have neighbors because I just got up out of bed, walked out onto the deck, and undid her gate then went back to bed.

She came back in later, after I had fallen asleep trying to convince myself to just get up and start the day.

Then she wanted back out but I told her no, got up and showered then we left to get coffee/treats.  This is one of those days where my brain won't turn on all the way.  I was going to take her for walkies but I just didn't want to so I came back home.

Instead I started my chores, which included starting Rosie/Geoff Peterson to work.  Then I got stuck in If You Give A Mouse A Cookie and ended up reorganizing the cleaners and towels under the primary bath sink.  Meanwhile, Rosie had stopped under the dining table so I retrieved her.  I took out the filter to empty it and there was grass...like a lot of grass.  

While it could be assumed with the way things have gone, that she had gone outside.  No, she found dog sick.  ACK.  Upon a panicked yet reluctant search I found that thankfully it was mostly grass and it was on the wood floor by the door.  Two things: thank the universe it was just dog sick and not poo and now I don't remember what the second was because the alphabet brain just decided that there didn't need to be a second thing.

Now I've disassembled Rosie/Geoff on the kitchen counter and cleaning all the stuff.  It was not as bad as it could have been, for real though.  But this was not on my list today.  Or any day, frankly.

In this time, the fabricator who is working on the racecar has arrived. He is not chatty so I can just leave him to his own devices, thankfully.  And Kevin came home about ten minutes later anyway.

I realized I was hungry while cleaning Rosie, which is weird but whatever. I grabbed a banana.  Yep, both hard and soft and I immediately spit it into the trash.  Now I'm not hungry anymore, I guess.  I returned to finish cleaning Rosie; just in time for Kevin to need me to run into town.  So Lucy and I went, no worries.  We're both always down for a car ride.

As we pulled back into the driveway, one of Kevin's friends had arrived. This is totally fine, I like him.  It's just that we went to high school together.  And he slept with one of my best friends at the time.  She said he was great but she didn't want to date a "farm boy", which irritated me at the time because he was a super nice guy.  And he still is.  But every time I first see him, I think "He had sex with my friend." which is at least three kinds of inappropriate.  And I don't think he remembers how he knows me, just to make it weirder.

Then as I'm writing this, Kevin comes into the house in a bit of a panic.  He needed a needle and alcohol and his glasses.  He has a larger-than-a-sliver piece of metal embedded in his thumb.  Because of course he does.  He worked on it and "thinks" he has "most" of it removed.  If I have to add "trip to urgent care" onto my April Fools Month bingo card, I will not be surprised.

Meanwhile, the mechanic wants my truck this weekend instead of in three weeks. This is good and bad.  We have to figure out how to deliver it without towing.  I started it the other day and the Check Engine light didn't come on so that's a good thing.  It's a high traffic weekend where I live so not optimum to maybe have to stop for car troubles.  

One of our friends from the coffee stand is on maternity leave.  She sent me a friend request the other day and now my friend suggestions includes a beloved former boyfriend's wife.  Thanks social media for that little bit of wistful weirdness.

I sure hope that this this post will be the last on this topic. Who knew that the Raising Parents posts could be one-upped?

A Fry Will Not Defeat Me

 I've mentioned that Kevin eats very little anymore.  Not only does food not taste good anymore, he "eats to survive" to quote him.  He's just never hungry.

The other night I told him that I was going to make salmon patties and rice.  This is a meal that's not high on his list but he likes it.  I haven't made it for quite a while because see above statement.  

It's a simple recipe, I can make it in my sleep.  I started the rice and that was cooking. I mixed the patty ingredients and let them sit a minute. (no, not food poisoning)  Then I began to cook the patties on the stove.  

For some reason, they wouldn't stick together.  I don't know if I wasn't paying attention or what had happened.  They just wouldn't.  So I turned down the heat and thought that if I could get one side to stick together, then maybe this is salvageable.  Instead, it just stuck...ADHERED...to the pan.  

I tried a few times then finally said "Unless you want salmon crumble, I have to make something else."

Kevin, without a beat, says "I don't like anything that has the word crumble in it."

Fish sticks and fries, it is then.  Can't possible screw that up.  Threw it into the oven and set the timer. I live and die by timers.

The timer dinged and I went to flip the fish over.  A few of them STUCK TO THE TRAY.  I mean, c'mon.

I persevered with the fish then shook the try of fries around so they would cook evenly.  A fry fell to the bottom of the oven, next to the element, and began to lazily smoke.

Now this is where I say that I'm home alone most of my life.  That's not a judgement, it just is.  Twelve hours a day I am alone.  We know this when I said loudly: "FUCK ME"

I heard the tiniest of snort of a giggle from Kevin.  Then the hostage negotiator mode flipped on.  "Do you...need help?"  

"NO", I said in a pout "I need someone else to cook for the rest of my life or PIZZA DELIVERY."

Then I unintelligibly muttered under my breath.  

"What?"  he asked nonchalantly, like this happens all the time. (it totally does)

"The fry is on fire."  I answer, with resignation.

"Are you scared?" he asks.  

"No, PISSED.  Annoyed? YES."  

"We can just go get burgers.  Maybe it's a tavern night." he offers.

"No, because now I have to win."

It's Been Twenty Days of Foolishness.

 It has been such a weird month.  Then there was yesterday; it was a bit much.

I just texted Kevin "Phone me when you get a minute. NOT an emergency." and he phones then asks if something is wrong.  Lolsigh.

A listicle, just for that conversation:

• Kevin's dad dumped something into the ditch across our road, our guess is it's fast food). Lucy has had an upset stomach off and on for weeks.  I think we figured out why. 
• Our insurance sent us a check to pay for half the eye surgery.  We didn't expect it at all, especially since I phoned last week to double-double-check that I didn't forget to do something.
• We received an Amazon package that wasn't ours. I checked the address and the name and it isn't any of our neighbors; in fact the address isn't even an address here.  Google Maps just shows trees across the street on street view.  (Amazon had to travel about 1/8th of a mile, past four other houses to deliver it to us?)
• I phoned Amazon WHICH IS NO EASY FEAT, MYDOG. They apologized for the inconvenience and said I could keep or give away whatever it was.  WUT.  I am now the proud owner of pink DJ headphones. They said not to worry about the other person's order, they would figure it out.  I'm feeling a little guilty but they're pretty nice headphones.

PAUSE

My f-i-l just phoned because their television won't work.  This is the second of these phone calls in three days.  I can't tell if it's operator error or if the television is indeed having issues.  I just know that unplugging it fixes it; which tells me they've hit all the buttons and the television just sits there and says "I got nothing, man."    Meanwhile, it's the remotes fault, according to them.  

We are not talking about the inch of dust on everything and the lilies on the table that I am super extra allergic to.  We are talking about that she sent me home with bras and tights. She ordered them and they don't fit her and can't be returned.  I reluctantly brought the bag home and looked. The yoga pants were in the original packaging.  One bra had clearly been worn and washed, a lot.  The others...probably also.  

AND THEN THERE WERE PANTIES.  No judgement but they are twice the size of what I wear.  And, and, and, it must be said: Who wants to wear their m-i-l's panties?  Not me.  I am not telling Kevin about this, he doesn't need that in his head.

Now, while writing this, my cousin messaged me to have my mom call her mom.  No other details and no answer to my question.  This is right on par with how this month is going. (if I have a guess, my uncle may have passed.  He's 97 years old and has been in ill health. They live states away and have recently moved to assisted living)  

That was just yesterday.

Earlier this week...it's WEDNESDAY...

Zenni made the issue with my glasses right.  There was an issue with the lenses AND it turns out that my prescription will not be an easy one for them to fulfill.  BECAUSE OF COURSE NOT.  A while ago, my original eye doctor said that at one point my prescription would be too wide of a swing for distance, midrange, and reading encompassed in one lens.  It appears that we're there.  Because Zenni is  mass-produced glasses, they can't tailor like a local place could do. HOWEVER, the glasses I ordered locally has a very similar issue so....sigh. For the eleventieth time: this surgery has not been easy-peasy.

However, I won't address this issue until August, when the six-month anniversary of the surgeries has passed.  Then I'll have to retest for a prescription update and/or order glasses with only distance and mid-range and return to having reading glasses.

My thumb did indeed infect, which is shocking to no one.  DOG WATER.  (which is going to be my band name)  Typing is uncomfortable right now but I guess it's probably causing me to hold my hand correctly.

But look! Two or three days later and the art was still on the beach!  So I CAREFULLY added to it:

Okay, whew, Update: My cousin said that my aunt (her mom) was in a MOOD so she was hoping my mom - who is also prone to MOODS - could defuse the situation.  Then my mom phoned back to tell me that the aunt was fine.  So...yeah, that tracks.    I don't know my cousin well but we're Very Similar with Very Similar mothers.  This lead to a messenger thread about breaking generational norms.  

AND THEN my non-family members stopped by to show a friend the racecar.  Kevin wasn't quite home yet so I entertained them on our deck until he got here then backed slowly into our house.  This also got me off the phone with my mother so that was a win and a loss.

I am on Day Two of the Filing Project. I bought a file frame but it was too large for this old desk. Upon ordering, I had considered width of the frame and didn't think about length. Kevin resized it last night and it's still too long.  Meanwhile, because the alphabet brain doesn't plan, there are stacks of files behind me on the floor. 

Now he's fixed it but I couldn't stand the clutter so the files are back in the drawer.  I'll figure it out tomorrow.

NOW IT'S TOMORROW

The filing is 75% finished.  Would you believe that the file hanger is too narrow now?  Yes, you probably would.  The files sit diagonally and I give up.  I don't get into them enough to be concerned about it right now.

The company that rhymes with horizon service has been out all afternoon.  Have they notified the customers via social media? That would be no.  Can you chat with them? Also, no.  Can you passive-aggressively tweet them and get an autobot response? YES.

We found out the issue via a local, independent news page and the comments were crowd-sourcing information and helpful ideas.  (Facebook Messenger makes calls and video calls, btw if you're an old, like me)

I keep forgetting to mention that the handle unlock has broken on the vacuum. This also affects it's ability to vacuum.  Rosie/Geoff Peterson has been doing double-duty for about a week.  Do I have a vehicle to take it to the shop? Not an easy one.  My options are cram it in the little truck and not take Lucy with me or lift it almost above my head to put it in the backseat of the big truck.  Otherwise, I'll have to have Kevin strap it down in the truck bed of the little truck and go on a day when it's not raining; which is hilarious on many levels.

Oh, I almost forgot.  Lucy got stuck in a tree during walkies yesterday and I had to climb on the roots and lift her down.  She was chasing a squirrel, went around the tree, and was up in it before I hardly could register what was happening.

I'm telling you, it just keeps getting weirder.

Art Is Pain

I have to tell this story; because this is just so quintessentially ME that I can't not share.  And it fits so nicely with April Fool's Month.

As I've mentioned eleventy times, Lucy and I take walkies almost every single day.  If my workload is light, (who am I kidding? it's always light) then we can venture out further than the regular trails we take.

I had a meeting this afternoon so we went out to the Bay this morning because I needed water and ocean air. When I'm at the beach, I am always hunting for rocks or driftwood or shells.  Lately, I've also been adding to the art that is found on this particular beach.  

There is the ongoing driftwood sculpture that changes with each tide or storm:

There has also been little rock sculptures here and at another state park we've gone to:

Photo nipped from the interwebs

So, today while Lucy was hunting, I stopped and sat on a log to try to make these little towers.  I was a little successful but because I'm not very dextrous, or patient, and I have an impatient Lucy tugging on me, I have to keep my sculptures small.

And now I'm bleeding.  When I went to reach a rock, I scraped my thumb on either the log or something in the sand.  To no one's surprise, I am not prepared for this.  I am about a half-mile from the truck and the only water I have is ocean water.  So much nope.  Instead, I let it bleed a little to hopefully "rinse" it and then let it clot but as soon as I moved, it just started bleeding again.

I finished my towers because of who I am as a person, letting the blood drip on the sand.  I scuffed it away with my sneaker and saw that I had dripped blood on a rock.  So that rock came home with me as to avoid a CSI episode on the beach.  (or make wildlife ill, if that's a thing) 

Only I, alphabet-brained me, can sustain an injury building with smooth, small rocks. 

Then I put my hand in my hoodie - knowing I would have to wash it immediately but the other option is to leave a blood trail and that's disturbing - and we returned to the truck.   There isn't easily accessible running water (and no soap) at the park so my option was dog water (a water bottle for Lucy) and hand sanitizer.  I rinsed my hand with the dog water then dumped sanitizer on the cut, fully expecting to curse loudly.  Nothing at first so obviously I have to replace that sanitizer and then a little bit of sting happened.  I wrapped it in a to-go napkin from the glovebox and headed home.  We arrived with fifteen minutes to spare to clean and bandage my thumb before the meeting. No pressure at all.

It appears that I somehow sliced the skin between my thumbnail and cuticle. There's no sliver so I really don't know how it was cut.  I washed it a lot, dumped peroxide on it because that would hurt less than alcohol, put on antibiotic salve then bandaged it.  A bit of overkill probably but losing my thumb to a beach injury would fit in nicely with the month/decade.

Now the meeting is over and I'm going to have a consolation crunchy-topped cupcake.

But look, it could be said it was worth it.  Art is Pain, they say.

And I just switched the laundry and OF COURSE there is shredded to-go napkin all over the wet clothes.  

April Fools Month...Week Two

 So...I had a bloody nose today.  That's just...neat.   

I was on the phone with Kevin and felt a gush.  I sniffled and grabbed a tissue but it wasn't to be stopped that easily.  Now I'm juggling the phone, a bloody nose, and tissues while trying to get to the sink without dripping blood everywhere.  While I'm not prone to bloody noses, they're also not unusual so not to worry.  I'm sure it's weather related.

Currently Islands in the Stream is playing and I cannot fully convey my dislike of this song.  It played every hour on every channel on the radio when it was new PLUS performed on television AND it was sung in choir when I was in high school.

Because I am stuck in what we call Radio Hell.  No matter the channel I try, the music is just Meh.  Right now it's on The Blend, which is soft rock from the 70's to 90's.  I go from "Oh, I had forgotten that like this song" to "Am I roller-skating in the 70's right now?"

*Now I'm really going to show my age.  They're playing the break-up song from Family Ties.  I don't care that it's been almost 40 years...whew, that song gut punches*

Kevin just let me know that Sunday is Easter and that we're apparently having the parents over for dinner. ("apparently" = because it wasn't our idea) There are so many issues with this, I can't even.  Mostly: I don't think my m-i-l can make it over here anymore, even with a walker.  Followed up with: Kevin had plans all weekend.

And I'm not getting started on, but will acknowledge, that the family is being split up for a holiday. Again.

I made cupcakes this morning because I thought that might help this ennui.  Chocolate with chocolate frosting. I overfilled the muffin tins and now I have chocolate muffins, kind of.  They're crunchy on top. Because of course they are.

Kevin ordered something from the amazon and it was delivered next to the garage door.  I have to make a sign that says "THIS IS NOT A HOUSE."  It's not even attached to our house!

The other package was "undeliverable" and is at the post office. The post office that is in my old work city, opposite of where I need to go tomorrow.  It is the size of a stack of quarters so I'm not understanding why it's undeliverable  AND it's the same as the other package, just from a different seller.  Now I am waiting for the UPS guy whom we love. But the way the day has gone, it will be a substitute driver.  (update: it totally was)  More to the point of UPS specifically, I can't put on my headphones because then I won't hear them.

What else...Oh, one of the advocates who is usually steady and capable pulled some nonsense today so that was weird.  I emailed job partner about it and they didn't respond until I was done for the day AND I had already responded AND they wanted to escalate it. I had already gone through all the emotions and had just moved on. But now I have to go back and adult.

*Now it's Elton John and Kiki Dee....where are my roller skates?*

April Fools Week. Wait, Month

So, how's your life going?  Well? Awful?  Somewhere in between?  I retweeted a post the other day that said:

Because I am feeling that in my bones right now.  It's been two weeks now, actually since I began this post.  Looking around at what's happening last week and where do I begin? Okay, last, last Sunday.  We'll begin at the beginning.

The sibs-in-law made lasagna for everyone. Not cooking on Sunday is always appreciated.  And...food poisoning.  About two hours after dinner, Kevin asked "So...how's your stomach?"  To which I replied "Oh good, I'm glad you asked. I thought it was just me."  We were both sick, Kevin was good enough to go to work the next morning, I was not.

Work was one of those do-things-twice weeks that just make me grit my teeth.  Then I forgot it was Spring Break the following week and I wasn't prepared; so that was a little (self-applied) pressure.  Then it created the whole "Hey, I'm out next week, plan accordingly" craziness that is the resulting panic from my coworkers. 

New glasses.  They arrived on Thursday afternoon and .... they're wrong.  After singing the praises of the website, the glasses are wrong.  HOWEVER, there are variables to be considered: was there an error?  Is it just an adjustment period? Was there something physically changed with the new eyes?

I planted them on my head and tried to make them work.  Nope.  I tried to define what exactly was wrong and it took a little bit to figure it out because my eyes are essentially brand new right now.  I believe that the lower part of my lenses are ALL the reading prescription, instead of just a small portion.  SIGH.  This has just gone SO WELL.  (*sad sarcasm*)

Well, I planned on getting new lenses in the old reading glasses so I went to do that.  TWO WEEKS OUT.  I did it anyway then came home and ordered a new, cheap pair of glasses to see which arrive first and hoping that the prescription isn't the problem. (I don't think it is, that's how I feel okay with my over-reactive, perhaps probably impulsive, decision)

Then, I had one of those Fridays that was full of errands, including taking Lucy to the vet.  We finished at the vet then was on the way to drop off a test when...my truck check engine light came on.  It was drivable but I could feel that it wasn't right.  I dropped off my test then scurried home, parked it, and got into the old truck to try to salvage the rest of my day.

Instead, I had errands to do over the weekend.  A second trip into town plus wrong glasses, plus a broken vehicle was more than my brain could take.

But this is really what the topic of this post turned out to be :

Back to the broken vehicle. I have two other trucks to drive so it's not the End of the World.  (in case you're all Wow, Surely, you have all the vehicles. One truck is the one that was totaled and repaired which also has 600,000 miles on it and the other is Kevin's big diesel which is fun to drive but A LOT for me)

Kevin put his foot down and said We have to get a new vehicle.  To every other normal human, the reaction would be Yea!  Then there's me.  I hate car payments, I hate car salesmen, I am terrified of getting a new car and having it breakdown.  But here we are.

Also, Kevin rarely makes declarations like that so it's big when it happens. Usually he's "Whatever you want."  Until I'm being a child then he draws the line. Fair enough.  Okay, so I can do this.

I really loved the Nissan I rented in Vegas. But we need 4-wheel or AWD.  Their SUV's are okay.  They're also EVERYWHERE and it feels like they're all black.  Our mechanic recommended Subaru and EVERYONE who doesn't have a Nissan here in the PNW, has a Subaru.  I acknowledge that it's childish but I just can't with the being normal thing.

So, then MATH.  We can get a new Subaru for less than an used Nissan.  I kind of resigned myself to that but I want a sporty one, not the mom of two kids and runs marathons one.  Sporty, of course, increases the pricetag.

NEXT, MECHANICS.  Kevin asked one of his former crew who now owns his own mechanic shop what we should buy.  Neither of those were on the list.  Seriously. Seriously.  Actually, he said Subaru is fine, they just have Known Issues.  Easily fixable but issues all the same.   

NOW WHAT; He said that Honda or Toyota is the way to go, which we knew, but so expensive.  He explained that its a Pay for it At First instead of Every Once in a While as the car ages.   

FINE, I will look for a Toyota that is a price that won't make me cry every time I look at it or our bank account. I'm not a fan of the Honda body styles. (#sorrynotsorry)

BUT we still have to fix my truck in order to sell or trade it.  The mechanic is a month out so it is parked will be yard art for a month.  Sigh.  Yesterday I took everything out of it and cleaned it up, preparing myself to part with it.

THEN the mechanic who is fixing it told Kevin "DON'T BUY NEW RIGHT NOW"  He insists on fixing mine and having us wait until new car prices aren't the same amount as a new kidney.  I had resigned my fate to a car payment then not.  Hooray?

Kevin was worried that I would be disappointed and I was all NOPE.  Relief.  This creates space to figure out what I want and time to figure out/cope with the idea of car payments.  Also, hopefully, the prices will go down but I'm skeptical of that. Because: capitalism.

He took me out to dinner Sunday night as a date night/consolation prize.  As we walked back out to our truck, I pointed out a Toyota truck that I really like.  Kevin said "Oh, I would be jealous if you got one of these...."  So, we're probably getting a truck.  Not to make him jealous but so we both are happy. Sigh.  

#firstworldproblems #privilege

P.S.  Zenni was great about the glasses issue. I'm waiting for their feedback as to if the prescription is wrong.  However, my new lenses came early for the other glasses and the prescription is good.  There's a massive adjustment because New Eyes but I was relieved that I could see.