One of the posts that I read over the weekend kind of sparked my brain a little bit: “Interesting to see which of my friends/family/coworkers are actually right-thing-a-bird-flies-with and have been hiding it.”
Hmmm
Because I was genuinely surprised when two people on the bookface posted a RIP Terrible Person post and others commented. Honestly, I shouldn't be surprised. But I was. And disappointed.
After a specific day in November 2024, I went on an unfriending spree on the social media. Removed were:
- Anyone who was a proud red hat wearer.
- Friends I’ve had forever but now just exist in social media and that don't interact.
- The gentleman who kept commenting and ignoring boundaries on the bookface.
- Friends with Kevin or we had an interaction once but weren’t tangible in my life anymore.
- Old high school classmates that were friended for sentimentality only, back when this was all new.
Others I dithered about and waited.
One friend is super extra religious and posted a meme a while ago about the reason that young people are struggling is their lack of gawd in their lives. I hid her profile after that. Then later I peeked and it was a pray for our country and a RIP Terrible Person. Clicked the unfriend button so fast.
It’s been nearly a year since The Unfriending Spree and not one single person has reached out and that speaks volumes, to me. Oh wait, the gentleman who kept commenting against my wishes told Kevin to tell me hi the other day. Kevin said he contemplated saying something to him but just let it go. (it wasn't the time nor place) Otherwise, there hasn’t been a reaction and the lack thereof only confirms my decision.
I am an early adopter when it comes to technology. So I remember the bookface back when it was all farm fields...lol. Back when there weren't ads and cultivated content. When you had to be an actual person with an actual photo. When there were games you could play with your friends and bulletin boards like MySpace, and it was FUN. I keep hoping that someday it will be more of that than it's current iteration. I know that's futile though.
Instead, as a copying mechanism, I switched bookface to topics and pages instead of people/friends. But then it continues to worsen because *waving of arms* the world we live in right now. But I keep trying.
Instead I keep making my circle smaller. Hiding vs. unfriending, unless they post something egregious.
But the risk of that is missing things. While going through my friends list, I discovered someone got married and I missed it. Clearly we weren't close but we used to be and I'm happy for them. I have far-away friends that I keep in touch with via that site. Former coworkers. All of the cousins communicate via there.
It's the outliers and the liars that have ruined it. And sometimes it feels like that's all there is: outliers and liars.
For awhile, I just unfollowed people. It does save me some teeth-gritting but it’s of no consequence to the other person. They don't know I've hidden their profile and it feels like silence is acceptance. Also, what’s the point of being “friends” if they’re hidden.
Kevin has said repeatedly “I would love for someone to ask why I unfriended/unfollowed them. He has also said to me when it's a mutual “Unfriend them, I’ll tell them why if they ask”. He is more comfortable with confrontation than I am, and he's better at it. I tend to wait until I'm mad and then...yikes.
But I used to post Lucy photos and insta photos and family gatherings and I've tried really, really hard to post happy stuff. Now it just doesn't feel like the time to post those things. It feels disingenuous. "Hey the world's on fire and we may die any day but here's photos of the dog!" However, it could also be said that it's the Exact Time for silly photos of the dog.
When I do post other things, it's for a target audience. My LGTBQ+ and POC friends, family, and coworkers. People like me who feel at sea with all the hatred and ignorance and fear swirling around. I fact-check, I vaguepost things that are subtle and difficult to argue about. "Baby bunnies are cute! Stop spray painting baby bunnies!" kind of things. How do you come out as pro- spray painting baby bunnies?
Then, yesterday happened. Because I don't learn.
I posted on the bookface and got a little pushback. I did get a handful of likes from the folks that I mentioned above. That's why I post; because I would like others to not feel as CRAZY as I do after seeing people post mournfully about an entirely awful human being.
Then Monday night, one of the "friends" - that I thought I had unfriended - commented that I should be ashamed of myself. I actually kind of disbelievingly giggled. Dude, you can't pick me out of a lineup and the only reason you know me is you're a friend of a friend but DO GO ON. But what I really said was "Then unfriend and move on, sir." And he did!! One less, my gawd.
Also, he was upset at the comments attached to the original post...not MY post...so that's like whatever. And it's one of those, if I wanted to, could answer "How do you not agree with the post?" and they can't answer without looking like an ass. ("If you want respect in death, you must give it in life.")
The red hat wearer friend, that I've dithered about because reasons, posted that they was disappointed in "the argument I was making". I thought about it for a long time then answered "Me too, every day." They will probably pick up on the nuance of these are things we shouldn't have to argue about, like ever. But here we are.
BUT WAIT, there's more and this one...
A person who is NOT a friend and with a very distinctive last name reacted inappropriately and not accidentally with laughter at one post and also at a comment I made. I searched his name and sure enough, the young son of a friend who I unfriended in November. This friend holds strident opposite beliefs and much like the terrible person, has the attitude that you are profoundly stupid if you disagree with him. AND AND AND this was the parent who was trying to decide (via social media) if their son should have social media a while ago. They decided not until he was 18 AND then this happens. Their son doesn't know me and his parent hasn't reached out in the past year. So, I blocked the son and I'm considering blocking them now.
Finally, the friend that I knew couldn't resist commenting finally commented and it wasn't bad, actually. I've decided they kind of gets a pass because they're on the spectrum and just can't do second step thinking at all. Any time they discuss these kinds of things in person, they fold. Also, I've noticed a pattern of if they doesn't like it or it scares them, then "it can't be true..." To which I think that's how we got here as a society. They also do the "not you guys..." They are genuinely upset if they think we're upset. This one is complicated with the unfriending policy. This friend phoned Kevin every day when his mom was dying. This friend brought us food at the racetrack and fed all of us. They send me silly dog videos and loves Lucy. They're a generally good person, who is one of those folks that got brainwashed. We have hope that someday they'll figure it out. Meanwhile, Kevin is going to ask them to just stop commenting on my posts.
As I explained to Kevin when he asked why I bother, I feel like posting some things is needed. People who aren't like me need people like me to speak up
Finally, there was a trend of "Unfriend me if..." and I participated in that. Like with the November unfriending spree, I will wait to see if anyone notices. I think one will and Will Ask. To which, I will say that I did as they asked and that was a consequence. I thought about texting them first but thought "I don't have to announce my departure."
This world right now. I’m quiet quitting the bookface and insta. I'm making my circle small. Perfect world is if you don’t exist in my day-to-day, you don’t exist on my social media. Meanwhile:
Stop spray painting baby bunnies.
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