15 July 2012

What If? A New Concept

 I think we've discussed this before: wondering what the hell someone is doing with their spouse/partner/boy-girlfriend and if there is anything we can do about it.

I liked this guy's take on it: Salon: Stop the wedding!  Instead of trying to figure out ways to change the person's mind, he asks "What if?"

"What if your friend had a need to be controlled and manipulated? What if his fiancée were meeting that need? Would it be wrong of her to meet that need?
What if he has a strong need to not make decisions and a strong need to avoid conflict?"
Isn't that fantastic? Everyone sees things through their own filter, it's human nature.  As an extremely independent person, it would have never Occurred to me that someone might not WANT to be independent. Might, in fact, enjoy being not in control.  To quote Phoebe Buffett "This is completely new information to me!!"

And really, why do we even care?  I mean, sure it's nice to see your friends happy and with people who we enjoy.  But all in all, it's their relationship and not ours. It's really none of our business.

Then he finishes it up with this Epic Mindblowing Concept that I love:
"Another way to look at your friend’s situation is to consider the possibility that he is getting ready for something but is not ready yet. Maybe his soul is getting ready. Say a fierce battle awaits the soul. We can be in a holding pattern. There is not much to do while waiting for the soul’s great challenge. So we amuse ourselves with pastimes. Maybe she is a pastime. Maybe he is waiting."

Doesn't that just give you a little light of hope for your friend in this situation?  And for me, although I thought I understood the concept, it showed me again that being married to Michael for that eighteen months prepared me for other things in my adult life. That seemingly waste of time served a purpose!

I just enjoyed reading and learning a whole new perspective about an issue we've all experienced and have had frustrations with.  I had to share.

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