In Terms of Falling

My brother-in-law is a complicated man. We make each other nuts 75% of the time but after more than twenty years we are definitely siblings.

The wonderful thing about him is he is at his best when we are at our worst. He has a similar talent like Kevin for making me laugh at the worst moments.

Last week I couldn't manage going up the outside stairs. It was frustrating and a little embarrassing.  The night of my doctor appointment Kevin asked his brother to help me up the stairs.

First some details:
I am five foot three. Kevin is six feet tall.  His brother is two inches taller. I put an arm around each of them and I hopped up each stair while they boosted me.

This went well until physics kicked in. We reached the landing but the boys kept going toward the door.  The problem being that my feet couldn't reach the ground anymore.  I started laughing and couldn't say "Stop!" Finally as I started to slide off my brother they realized what happened and stopped.  "Man up." he says, right before stopping.

Once in the house the brother was sharing his experience with a broken ankle, what to think about,  how to do stuff. Brotherly advice.
He is a recovering alcoholic, sober twenty years. We were talking about what to do if I began to fall.  "Just remember: if you fall: don't spill the drink." It was the perfect image for me (child of alcoholics) to illustrate how to fling my body if I fall. I think of it if I stumble and laugh.

What would we do without brothers?

Losing Time

One thing that I'm not enjoying about having all this time on my hands is that I have all this time on my hands.  I actually lose time.  There is always this afternoon or tomorrow to do something.

Like this space, which has been sorely neglected.  I always think that I'm going to just sit down "next" to bust out a few posts.

I do keep myself on some sort of a schedule.  I get up about the same time and I make sure that I do chores and eat.  I guess I just need to schedule a little more specifically.  I do try to set one goal a day.  Today's was bake a chocolate cake, for instance.

Isn't that always the way though?  Like on vacations, people plan on getting all the stuff that you put off until "later" finished. But then time gets filled with other things and the later stuff is still there.

 I am on perpetual vacation right now.  I'm not hating it.  I'm not bored.  I'm just distracted by the inertia of it all.  I'm choosing to think it's a good thing and happening for a reason.

I'm Walking Here!

My De Niro impression sucks so play along with me, mkay?

Today was the day, poppets

Today, Way, way, WAY ahead of schedule I walked with a cane. A lot. Outside and stuff, even.

I found that I was wrestling with the walker yesterday. I was either scooching along like post-hospitalization or stumbling away from it and needing to reach back for it.

I showed Kevin last night that I could go all "Look! No Hands!!" He was cautious but excited.

This morning he brought me his mother's cane (she doesn't use it. We're not *that* horrible) A few steps later and I'm all Check Me Out.

In two weeks I start physical therapy and I hope this new skill bode well for that unpleasantness.

The boys built a ramp today too. I'm free to come & go now. Although I promised Kevin I wouldn't do it alone until I was more steady.  A promise I've already broken. Hey, I had to surprise him with his birthday gift!

So do a little happy dance with me, won't you?  Cha cha cha!!!

Bionics

Here for your viewing displeasure is my latest portrait.

I know, right!?!

Today was a challenging day as I adjusted to the boot and had to learn how to walk again. With only 25% of my weight.

So short & sweet post tonight.

Close But No Quite

The appointment went well today. I'm exhausted and will post pictures and details tomorrow.

I'm not walking yet but I'm literally, actually, taking baby steps.

Once again, Kevin made me laugh right out loud in an uncomfortable moment. That is the highlight of my day.

The doctor was testing my foot for range of motion, feeling, and blood flow. He asked me if I was having any pain and I said "No, and I'm not flirting, but it feels good."

In his best Ross Geller voice Kevin exclaims "I'm sitting Right Here! Oh my God!"

We'll talk tomorrow poppets. I am worn out tonight. Your thoughts etc. worked and I'm grateful.

Sixteen Hours

In sixteen hours I will learn if I will walk again. That sounds so melodramatic but it's true. They could very well say "Not yet." And I will be crushed and frustrated.

I'm choosing to believe that I Will get to walk tomorrow though. I have to. Mind & body connection is important and I think it helps. I have been willing the bones to mesh, the body not to reject the bionic parts, and the nerves & muscles to rejuvenate. I think it's working.

But I'm nervous.

What do I always say? Hope for the best, plan for the worst.

Worst case scenario: more days in the recliner and wheelchair. It could be worse.

Best case scenario: Showers. Driving. Normalcy.

Either way, I'll be fine.

Tick tock

Two Days

Well, a day and a half actually.

Please, Universe That Pushed Me Down, let me stand up again on Monday.

He Who Shan't Be Named

Channing Tatum's name is not to be said in our house. Mostly because I *might* have mentioned that he is OMFG attractive once.

Tonight Kevin brought home the newest edition of Entertainment Weekly. He tossed it on the counter and announced that he was going to just put it in the trash.

He didn't but he did do this:

FOUR

Only four days left until I'm walking again.

Send a thought, say a prayer, light a candle or whatever you feel right that my wish comes true.

I'm ready.

In Five Days I Want To...

I have five days of confinement...or captivity, as I've been calling it...left.  Next Monday afternoon I will hopefully have a walking cast.

I'm equal parts nervous and excited.  I feel like I'm healing and everyone seems to think so but there's always that little doubt in the back of your head.  I try to shout it down most days. 

Instead I focus on what I want to do first.  What I want to do is a bit ridiculous: I want to clean my house.  It has been such a challenge to live with "good enough" for me.  I've learned to vacuum & mop from the wheelchair, how to balance on one foot while wiping countertops or doing laundry.  It's always "good enough" and that makes me crazy.

And yes, I recognize that I'm not supposed to be doing any of the above but if you know me in reals, you know that simply sitting around is not going to happen.

I want to be able to just stand up and go to the bathroom without transferring to a wheelchair or walker and it taking ten minutes. (used to be fifteen)  I want to be able to stand in my pantry and closet and reach whatever I need.

I want to shower.  Oh, how I want to shower.

I want to drive to the coffee stand and see my friends.  I know they're going to make me cry and that's okay.

See? It's the simple things I want to do. 

The one thing I don't mind not doing is Grocery Shopping.  I am relieved to have Kevin do this.  Although he does it at 7:00 am and calls me multiple times, I am still happy to have him do it.  I think I have a few more weeks before I can walk that much anyway so that's a relief.

So countdown with me, won't you poppets?  Five days.  Five days will be one more step (pun intended) to having my normal life back.

And a shower.

Tough As Nails

Over the last 36 days (yes, I'm counting. shut up.) Kevin and I have had many bonding moments.  Some of them absolutely horrible and some so heartbreakingly lovely that I almost can't deal.  I won't share either of those because some things belong only between a husband and wife.

That being said, we have been the Mutual Admiration Society up in here.  This whole adventure has made us each appreciate the other more and more.  It's not just the big moments but the little everyday things that get noticed in situations like these.

For this, I am appreciative of this challenging time.  This horrible thing has made us slow down and recognize each other and where twenty years together has brought us.

The other night Kevin was telling me how his coworkers had asked about me and how they've been teasing him about having to be a Mr Mom.  Kevin said that he told them that it has been a change but really, not that bad.  "Because my wife is tough as nails.  Tough as nails, I say."

Know that I have an old fashioned husband that doesn't give compliments easily but loves fiercely.  That simple statement reduce me to tears.  Yep, tough as nails unless her beloved says something sweet. 

Heart Shattering

Watch "Linda Perry - Letter To God" on YouTube

Photo of the Day

Girl Little has her very first kitty:

The One Where I Rant

Weight loss ads never don't annoy me. The current top two are Valerie Bertinelli equating her weight loss to curing her depression and codependency. Then, this is super catty, we all know if Janet Jackson turned sideways she has junk in the trunk. As She Should. But the ad has her in that ridiculous back & white outfit and stance.

I am still feeling duped and annoyed about the swiffer wet jet. Although the ads imply that you don't need a broom prior to using it and Not So Much.

Pain meds, while a blessing, have been giving me early morning earworms. Not annoying songs like usual but songs like "Elves" from the Bare Naked Ladies Christmas album and an early Donna Summers song.

Whew. Now I feel better.

And otherwise, everything else is fine. (:-D