Nothing Really Matters

When I had to complete training to be a domestic violence advocate there were lots of little examples of healthy and unhealthy interactions.  Some of the examples were obvious and some of them were a little subversive, making you question any interaction that you've ever had.  The subversive ones, I should say, were usually paired with a "this example AND then this too."

One of the examples given was loading the dishwasher, which made me giggle because who argues over that? I realized that some people do and that's okay.  But the example was one of those that held a "and then this too" component.  Arguing over how to load the dishwasher is fine, per se but belittling the other person or becoming aggressive about it, is not fine.

This is the awkward part where a co-worker casually commented how she argues with her husband and son all the time about how it's done.  She continued with "It's not that hard really, how can they not figure it out? Are they dumb or just playing dumb?"

WHOA, red flag on the play ma'am.

Because I tend to automatically switch into smart ass mode in uncomfortable situations, I quickly stated something like "Well, clearly then you're the abuser" with an eye-roll and laugh.  The look of discomfort from the co-worker did not alleviate the awkwardness of the situation.

So, blundering on, I off-the-cuff mentioned that "I can't believe that's even an ISSUE.  As long as it gets done, who cares really?"  I was promptly given examples then of dishes needing rewashing or not fitting so they had to wait or be hand washed.  Again, I was all "I still don't get it, why is that a problem?  It's an inconvenience, yes but not a Problem.  Because if it is one, then you need bigger problems."

Finally, the instructor moved us onto another topic (really should have done that sooner, I guess)

But it made me think of examples of myself blowing a gasket over something like that.  I couldn't really think of one.  Certainly there are things that are annoying or irritating but not usually something that makes me lose it.  Perhaps that's just me, how I'm wired. I rarely fall into the "normal" category.

Really, though, is it worth it to argue over something little like that?  Does it really matter?  Are lives going to be lost because the cap isn't on the toothpaste or he doesn't empty the garbage or we run out of milk?  Are these offenses really something that we're going to look back on and think "That time is the time when things went off the rails." 

Probably not.  I just think we should save our arguments for the big things.  And really, few things are the big things. Money, family, life/death decisions: those are the big things.  Not dishes in the sink or socks on the floor, or forgotten garbage bins.

Nothing really matters *that* much to argue about, I think.  Time is short.