14 April 2021

You Can't Have This Puppy

 We should never have disposable income.  Well, not never.  Sometimes.  Maybe.

It all started with our bedroom television.  It ended with two giant televisions.

Our bedroom television was a hand-me-down from when Kevin's parents moved up with us.  It's probably more than ten years old. It still works just fine for a bedroom television.  However, it was developing a shutting off problem, as in it wouldn't.  I would need to unplug it, let it reset, then plug it back in.  Or randomly it would have sound and no picture.  In television speak, it's the character that coughs in the beginning of the movie.  You know it's not going to be around long.

I mentioned the television a few weeks ago to Kevin.  I made a "joke" that when we bought a new one, he would prefer to buy a new television for the living room and move the living room into our bedroom.  He laughed, kind of demurred like "that's crazy" and nothing came of it.

Then our tax refund finally arrived after a month delay, our stimulation checks came after a two-week delay, Kevin's friend sold some racecar parts for us, and we just got notification that our deductible has been reimbursed from the accident.  Right now: we're feeling like Scrooge McDuck, swimming in money.


Yes, this is 100% First World Problems and Privilege.  This also comes after having a string of bad luck and years of struggle so this is a Humblebrag.


Sunday morning I mentioned it to Kevin again.  He was in between projects so he was all shruggy and "We can go into town if you want."  I was more looking for a "Let's go".  It's also been well-established that I don't buy big ticket items for myself.  It just makes me anxious.

Finally, after Nephew came over to look at our furnace (a whole other story), Kevin said what he usually says when he's getting frustrated with the lack of a decision.  It's super inappropriate, a saying handed down from an "uncle"  "Fight, F*&k, or Hold the Light."  It makes me laugh every time.

I looked online for options and because things like this end up being Group Decisions (don't get me started)  Nephew weighed in.  An offer was made by the b-i-l to take us to the costco and I was immediately all "NOPE".  Because then it's a Thing.  It's a "Why don't you get the bigger one?"  "Why don't you get the whatever-we-don't-need?" and "Let's go look at the .... while we're here."  No. So much NO.  Not only do I not want to spend time with him, he is a Gatherer.  We are Hunters.

Okay, pause again.

A gatherer is a shopper that likes to wander the store.  Go to multiple stores. Take their time.

A Hunter is someone who knows what they want, where it is, goes in and gets it and gets out.


Finally, I decide that I've dithered about this enough.  Just because I go doesn't mean I'm buying something.  (adorable)  It's 3:30 on a Sunday.

Also, I'm already spun out because I know I'm going to paint the bedroom this week. (shush, I am.  I AM!) and if I'm going to take everything apart, I should just paint first.  Kevin says that's silly and he will help, which IS silly.  Mr. Twelve Hour Days/Six Days a Week.

We went into the big box electronic store and walk back to the televisions.  They're all GIANT now.  Before we left the house, we had made a decision to get a 65-inch television, an upgrade from our 45-inch one.  We knew this was going to be a big impact on the living room but figured it would be fine.

Kevin actually froze.  Stared at the television and kept asking "Are you sure they're only 65 inch?"

I'm laughing because I knew this would happen.  It happened last time.  It sounds good until you're standing there.  Last time we bought a television, it took THREE TRIPS to the store and his dad dropped it.  Yeah, we should not buy televisions.

We talked to the salesperson and made a decision.  He tried a few times to upsell us and was met with a NO, in varying forms.  Including when he announces - after we decided - that the television we just chose is not available.  WTAF.  Probably should have let us know beforehand but whatever.  It was available at two other stores, one twenty minutes north of our house or the other twenty minutes south of where we were.  But if we buy the one they had in stock "It's only $200 more."  Dude, seriously.  I got a little sarcastic and said "We're not paying $200 more because you guys don't have stock. It should be reduced, instead. An inconvenience fee, if you will."  He did not agree.

More out of frustration than anything, we decided to go the store in the north because delivery wasn't available until the end of the month.  My other favorite thing: delayed delivery.

I'm a little pissy, as is Kevin, but whatever.  It's time, that's all that it's costing us. However, as we walked away to pay for it, I muttered "Why does bad things always happen to us?"  Kevin understood the sarcasm but the salesperson actually kind of stopped for a millisecond like OMG, did she just say that for real.  Made me laugh.

AND THEN as I'm paying for it, Kevin's chipped debit card wouldn't work.  I'm muttering in my head because this shouldn't be a thing, like at ALL.  Finally the salesperson casually mentions "Oh, the chip reader doesn't always work.  It will fail and then you can just slide the card." WUT.  Okay, next time let's START WITH THAT instead of shaving years off of my life with each swipe while worrying about it.

Finally, we turn to leave.  Kevin hesitates, again.  "Maybe we should look at the 55 inch televisions."  I said "No, because we paid for it AND the last time we bought a television, you wished you bought the bigger one."  He agreed and said "But it's just so BIG."  To which I said, loudly, "That's what she said."  He turned around and started walking out of the store.  

We got in the truck and Kevin pulled into the starbucks drive-through without a word.  He's become addicted to the pink or violet drinks lately.  And the store is closed.  Now he's the one who is saying "Why do bad things always happen to us?"   But because starbucks, there's another one down the road.

Then he launches into a monologue about the television not being in stock. "Hey, here's this great puppy.  It's the best puppy.  Well worth the money.  Oh you love this puppy? Well, too bad. It's not available. You can't have this puppy.  You CAN have this other puppy though. It's not as great but it's still a good puppy.  I know you don't like it as much but it's here.  Will it last as long as the other puppy? Probably not but it's still a good puppy.  It needs a warrantee because we don't know who made this particular puppy but it's still a good puppy."

This is all paraphrased because he was on a roll and I was LAUGHING.  I wish I had it on video.

Finally, we get to the other store.  Check in and get the new television.  This is where the clerk asks what we are driving.  Kevin says an SUV.  The clerk then pauses and says "Well, this television really shouldn't be laid on it's side."  Again, I say: WUT.

I watched Kevin cock his head and rub his jaw and I'm looking for an exit because he's about to lose it.  Instead, he quietly says "It would be good for someone to have said this BEFORE and I would have brought MY TRUCK."  "Oh, well, we have delivery service." the clerk offers.  I think I literally whispered "Oh.No."   Again, Kevin rolls with it.  "I'm here NOW.  It's paid for NOW. I drove thirty minutes out of my way because YOU didn't have it in stock at the other store."  The clerk must have had some sense of self-preservation because he changed tack to "Let's see what we can do with your vehicle."

Another clerk wheeled out the television and helped Kevin load it.  Kevin asked him "What is "It Can't Be Laid Down?"  I mean, like at all? Or for a few minutes? or what?"  This kid says "I'm not really sure, they just tell us don't if you can."  AND WALKED AWAY.  If the television wasn't already in the truck, I think Kevin would have left in on the sidewalk.

But we got it loaded, used the fold-down back seat to keep it mostly sorta upright.  Crisis diverted.

Now this is where Kevin gets buyers anxiety.  I worry about big purchases beforehand and he worries about it afterward.  He's worried it's too big, it's too much money, what are we going to do.  I'm all "It's going to be great." and distracted him with the thought of putting the little television in his garage. 

We got home, unloaded it and got it into the house.  The box took up the space between the existing television and Kevin's chair.  You could FEEL the anxiety coming off of Kevin.  Oh, and this is where I say that I said I didn't want it wall-mounted because I've worked so hard to make the living room nice and I don't want to take down actual art and put up a television.

Kevin went outside to get some tools and maybe have a little cry while I went into the bedroom to take apart the television.  By the time I finished that, he had the television unboxed and was looking at how it would fit on the stand. Yes, we should have measured beforehand.  Where is the fun in that? 

Years ago, we spent capital M money on a media stand because it would last "forever." And it wouldn't.  The television was too wide to sit on the stand.  Now we're back to thinking about mounting it on the wall and I'm still in Camp No Way.

Luckily for us, his brother has recently had a new shop built and has scrap wood.  A few minutes later, he comes back with a plank of concrete board siding.  Ummm....  He asks if I have anything to cover it. I actually laughed because seriously.  Futilely I went and looked in the cedar chest and my dresser. The best I have is a chenille scarf that I will never wear.  "That's all you have?" he asked without thinking.  He glanced up to see a raised eyebrow.  "That's all we have Right Now."  "Okay, it will work fine." he says. Smart man.

But then, this is where I say "I thought you were bringing actual wood.  I thought I could just stain it because I know how to do that now."  I mean, I know right?  How perfect is that?  He did not say no.

After a bit of struggle, we got the television installed.  Then Kevin went into the bedroom to finish the other television that I had abandoned.  I sat on the couch and went through the set up process, including syncing it with my phone and connecting it to the internet.  At one point, it said that it could do something clever - I don't remember what - and I exclaimed "You've got to be effing kidding me right now."  Kevin, hearing me, called out "What's wrong NOW?"  I had to explain that it was actually a Happy exclamation.

So now it's 7:00 pm and we have two giant televisions.  It's almost ridiculous.  We went from a 24-inch television in the bedroom to a 45-inch television and a 65-inch one in the living room.  I think it won't be so shocking after a few days.  We'll get used to it. Also, I realized last night how much my eyesight has faltered, when I realized how well I could see the larger television.  (duh) In the living room, right now, it feels a little bit like sitting in the front row at the movie theatre.  But a few adjustments and that will pass.  It doesn't matter, we're committed now.

OMG I just realized that if you convert my height to inches, the TELEVISION is taller than I am.  I need to go lay down for a minute...in front of the television. With my actual puppy.

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