Harder Yet Harder

 Okay, so.  Hey, Hi.  I'm on day six of post op for Surgery #2.  This is my first day being able to use a computer.

While the first surgery was easier yet harder, this one was harder yet harder.  Here's why:

1. This was more of an awake surgery.  Did not enjoy. Zero stars (but there's a story) (there's always a story)

2. This eye appears much more complicated, which is odd because it's the one that doesn't work well. 

3. Recovery is taking twice as long.

Beginning at the beginning:

Not eating all day is something I won't do again. My last food was 6:55 am. I hit 1:00 pm and was just UGH.  At 2:00 pm, I was deep cleaning the shower in the common folk bathroom - including washing the curtain - because I needed to do something.  As a distraction, my chores were done, I was 100% ready to leave for the surgery, I had cleaned my truck out of Lucy's belongings and hair, and I was cranky/spacey enough that I couldn't just sit and work.  I couldn't even nap because all my brain wanted to talk about was how I wasn't feeding it.  I mean, I actually searched "What can you eat/drink before surgery and when."  The results were you could have sips of water.  You can eat up to six hours previously, depending on the anesthetic.  By the time I had looked this up though, it was four hours prior to surgery.  Gah. Not helpful.

Anyway, Kevin gets home from work and we leave.  Bless his ADHD not-thinking-about-it brain, he asked if I wanted to stop at the coffee stand.  Lolsigh.

The surgery prep nurse was a different one this time.  She was nice enough but.  She pretended that she knew me from the previous surgery.  She did not.   She was a close talker, which feels weird considering the pandemic.  Overly friendly in an overbearing kind of way.  Not my favorite kind of person.  

After the well-check, I told her that I was a hard stick - meaning difficult to get a vein when placing an IV - and that using my hand was the best option.  She stuck me about five times and now I have a giant bruise on my hand.  Super.

She put the blood pressure cuff on my forearm because "It's more comfortable for girls who have bigger arms like us."  She is incredibly lucky that the sedative slowed my responses. W.t.a.F.  C'mon.  What good came out of saying that?  AND this is the first time that someone has ever done/said that.  So, Not Cool.  And yes, there IS a patient survey for the surgeries, I'm happy to report.

The wait between checking in and surgery was less this time so that's nice.  It turns out that it was an hour and a half between check in and surgery last time, Kevin did the math for me. Meanwhile, my usually low blood pressure was higher and that just made me all AUGH as well.

 They didn't make me as high as before because...  

...The anesthesiologist was kind of funny yet a little annoyed with me.  I asked her a question about the previous surgery and they told me that they had to keep adjusting the anesthesia because BIG SURPRISE: I kept moving.  Also, they were having difficulty keeping my eye staring straight ahead.  So they would knock me out so I would stop moving then lighten me up so they could have me correct my stare.    I know I thought it but I'm unsure if I actually said it: "Well, that's on you."  So, that's just funny.  Well, for me.

The actual surgery was a little ack because they kept me more awake so I was more of a participant.     Kind of like childbirth, the memory is fading now but ACK.  They taped my head down and I didn't remember that from before because they had already knocked me out.  Thank the universe for meditative breathing.  All in all, the surgery only took about fifteen minutes which makes the whole being there over two hours thing frustrating. (but understandable)

Kevin took us home after picking up Taco Time (fast food Mexican with sustainable practices) because Taco Tuesday.  We ate at home then I crashed on the couch for a few hours.  I had very little vision in my right eye when we went to sleep.  Just cloudy and painful.  I was still high and now tired so I didn't put any conscious thought into it.

I woke up a little after midnight and was absolutely starving.  I got up to get a snack and realized that I could see very little out of the new eye in the dark and not much better when I turned on a lamp.  It was just cloudy.  Unlike the other surgery, my eye was swollen - both eye and eye lids - and felt sticky.  I put in more drops, sat with a compress, had cookies and milk then went back to sleep.  Thank you leftover sedative because in the middle of the night is when you're most rational and problem-solvy.  Everyone knows that.  lolsigh.

Kevin went to work the next morning because there was no reason for him to stay with me. I didn't mention the feeling blind thing because I was mildly sure that it would improve.  Also, the parents are next door if something goes wrong. And again: I'm feral when I'm sick/hurt.  I slept for about two hours but I had to be at an 8:20 post-op appointment.  I don't know what I was thinking with early morning appointments but here we are.

The surgeon wasn't surprised that I had limited vision with the "new" eye which was both relieving and disappointing. The eye was still very dilated so that was part of the issue. I felt vindicated yet frustrated doing the vision testing because it wasn't working and that's why I did it in the first place.  I've never worried about that eye working well because it never has.  Now I did the thing and it's worse.    

 He reminded me that this surgery was different than the first.  I didn't ask how, I didn't need that information in my head.  He cautioned patience, which is not my strong suit. They put numbing drops in that eye so I actually felt better afterward, even though I still couldn't see.  Now I'm wearing sunglasses at 8:45 on a cloudy/rainy February morning in the PNW.  

I bought myself a treat at Starbucks then went home to go straight back to bed.  Lucy and I stayed in bed until after 1:00 pm, when I got up more because I thought I should than wanted to.  My vision was still fuzzy in the new eye and I still needed drops in the other one.  The numbing drops had worn off and now I'm bedraggled, swollen, and grumpy. 

Meanwhile, Kevin had entered into Hostage Negotiator Mode.  Checking in without being pushy, being positive without being condescending, all the while backing away slowly and leaving me to my own devices.

Screen time was/is a thing that week and the weekend.  My phone is already on Dark Mode so I could use it for a little while but any other form of computer was a big Nope.  That probably added to my surliness because computers are such a big part of our lives now.  Couldn't play a game on the tablet, couldn't write my BFF, couldn't (and didn't anyway) check in with work.  

So now Today: white still appears purple, especially first thing in the morning.  Rinse and repeat with the green urine and greasy hair for two days post-op. #sexyaf   Slowly, the glasses that I'm using are starting not to work as well.  My readers are now mostly useless.  It will still be weeks before I will have new glasses so I'm at the frustrating time of not having adequate vision with or without them.  I knew it was coming and it's mostly fine but still annoying.

Funny thing, because there's always something funny to be told:  Kevin put a sticky note on the bright-as-the sun refrigerator light to thwart the attempted murder on me every time I opened the door.  I told him that I was frustrated but laughing at the fact that I couldn't do it myself, it was like a Three Stooges episode.

I'm back to work, sorta kinda today. I'm working in two hour shifts until everything settles down.  I'm grateful for being able to work at home and that it's during a slow time.   I go back to the surgeon Wednesday morning, then not again for two weeks.  I think it's after that appointment is when I can finally get new glasses.  My insurance pays 75% so I have to decide what I'm going to do: a whole new pair of glasses? put lenses in the frames that I have and love already?  I will decide when the time arrives.

After all of that, then I will know if there is any sort of a game plan for the macular degeneration thing.  I don't believe there is, beyond perhaps more frequent exams.

As with the two previous posts:

Again, if you NEED vision correction surgery, then absolutely don't let my whining and crankiness deter you from getting it done.  Just know it's probably not as easy as it sounds.  If you're doing it for cosmetic reasons, then have a think on that.