We haven't had a Raising Parents episode in a while. They had been on a steady path for a minute. Then they weren't. So what had happened was….
The mother-in-law thought it was a good idea to go outside at 10:30 pm on the 4th of July without her walker and her oxygen and unassisted. She fell, no surprise.
We got a call from my father-in-law just before 11:00 pm and we both rushed over there. Kevin was a few steps ahead of me so I lost sight of him. I went into the house and....no one was there. I walked back to the bedroom and the door was closed and everything was quiet. Of course, I go to the dark place that she fell while going to bed and this was all over.
Then I realized that couldn't be, turned around to go find Kevin and he yells. They were carrying her, clearly dazed, back into the house. This is when I learn that she fell outside. OUTSIDE. I was momentarily stunned into inaction.
Once settled, she did the infuriating "I'm fine, go home". Kevin asked her why she'd gone outside and she explained that she took the dog out because the dog didn't like fireworks and didn't go potty earlier.
This is when I notice her walker right in front of her chair, at about the same time that Kevin did. The obvious question was asked and her response was "I didn't need it" then sensing impending doom, she adjusted her statement to "I forgot. I just stood up and went outside." This is all a lie because there is no "I just stood up". It is physically impossible.
This is where I lost my cool a little bit and rose my voice "That is incredibly RECKLESS," She kind of waved me off and my temper rose a little more. "That is incredibly RECKLESS." She continued to try to justify and Kevin intervened. She continued and I admit I lost my temper a little bit.
"You had to WAKE US UP. It's 11 o'clock at night and you WENT OUTSIDE. OUTSIDE where you don't belong and WITHOUT YOUR WALKER. Then you're saying it's not a big deal and we just need to go home. YOU ARE MAKING IT VERY DIFFICULT TO BE KIND TO YOU RIGHT NOW."
THEN she tried the "We don't want to bother you and that's why we didn't call right away." WUT. WHAT THE EVERY LIVING WHAT. Kevin intervened again so she returned to the "Just go home" and Kevin explained emphatically that we can't just go home. He mentioned that she had bumped her head. This is where I alerted and said "She what....?" He asked me to look.
A BASEBALL SIZED goose-egg kind of bruise on her forehead. With scrapes. I hurried to get ice and improvised with frozen peas. Then I sat at the table because I had to center and think this through. My impulse was calling the ambulance but it was the 4th of JULY. Everyone was calling the ambulance at that point.
Instead, I asked for my f-i-l's phone to call the doctor. He fussed that I wouldn't be able to reach anyone and we didn't need to. Kevin rose his voice this time and said "Give her the phone, she is calling the doctor. The other option is calling the ambulance." I phoned her doctor office, got the service who took the info, then her doctor called back less than five minutes later and was absolutely lovely.
I explained what happened and paused for the "She did WHAT" and because the parents couldn't hear the conversation I responded "I KNOW RIGHT" I could hear that she was reviewing her chart and she paused. "She is on blood thinners" she stated/asked. I confirmed it and her tone changed. "She has to get checked out. Don't wait."
We disconnected and I just plainly stated "She said to call the ambulance." The m-i-l begins to fuss because she is embarrassed and doesn't want the attention. Kevin squelches it right away.
I dialed 911 and the person was cheery for working on a holiday known for 911 calls. Her demeanor also changed when I explained why we needed the ambulance. She said they would be there but it was busy. Almost a half-hour later and they arrived. They were from the next town south so our fire department aid vehicle must have been very busy.
The paramedics assessed her and confirmed that she needed to go to the hospital. They did offer that we could take her instead of them, in an effort to triage their own calls. We made the decision that Kevin would take her and they helped get her out of her chair, into a wheelchair then into the van. The ambulance could follow us until they had to turn off to return to their station or get another call.
My father-in-law stayed home with the dog, which I'm still very surprised about. Kevin and I had a debate if I should stay because this is the year that Lucy has decided that she doesn't like fireworks. I realized that he not only needed support, I am the one with all her information. I grabbed my bag, soothed Lucy the best I could, then we left.
We arrived then I went to the front desk, as instructed, and asked for assistance. Right when we got her into the room, I could hear a trauma code being called. Suddenly there were five people in the room to assess her. I had a little rush of adrenaline and realization that this is suddenly very real.
So, this is a heads up for anyone who is raising parents: you have to not care about upsetting them. She always fusses when I say she has vascular dementia. When I listed it, she fussed. The ER triage nurse just kind of laughed and looked at me when I eye-rolled, "That's normal" she replies. They were asking if she hurt anywhere else and she did the "I'm fine" thing. I interjected "She lies. She wants you to think she's tough." The nurse kind of giggles again "We hear that a lot too."
They asked us to step away for a minute and did a quick assessment then told us that they were going to do a CAT Scan. They wheeled her back to find a room but there wasn't one available. They parked her - and us - next to the nurses station. As frustrating as that was, we had to recognize that this means not only the ER is full but the hospital is busy as well. This also means that while they're worried, they're no longer WORRIED.
This is where she starts in with the "You just go home. Dad will come get me in the morning." I thought Kevin was going to lose it, I really did. He explained again that he can't just "go home" that we were waiting for the CAT scan. She tried to insist and he did lose it, a little bit. "MOTHER, if the CAT scan is bad that means you're going to SEATTLE for surgery. You still want me to go home?" Then about five minutes later she kind of tried again.
So this is where I mention that I'm on my annual summer binge of Grey's Anatomy. I'm at the point where one of the characters had a memory issue that caused her to forget every few minutes. This popped in my head and I looked at the clock.
Sure enough, about fifteen minutes later she asked me what we were waiting for. (Kevin had walked away to go to the bathroom) I explained again and we did the whole "I'm fine, you can go home" "No we can't" carousel.
The tech came and took her for her scan. We just sat there and stared at the wall. Kevin expressed frustration with her "She just doesn't get it." Then he explained that she had told him to call his brother. Kevin said he did and he didn't answer. Then the mom flipped into the automatic defending of him "He must be talking to someone" Kevin reminded her that it was 11:00 at night when he phoned. Kevin finished the story and I just said "He didn't answer the phone?" and he shook his head. I leaned toward him and whispered "Seriously. Eff that guy."
Kevin explained that the brother had recently broken his cell phone and was using his work phone, which sometimes doesn't work. While that offers a little need for grace, this is not the first time - or even the third time - that he hasn't answered the phone in this kind of situation. Also, we don't have the luxury to just not have a phone but let's not unpack that right now.
The tech brought her back and said it wouldn't be a long wait for the results. The mom was clearly tired now and quiet. Then again, she asked what we were waiting for. I looked at the clock and it was about twenty minutes from the last time she asked.
Kevin walked away to phone his dad with an update. I noticed that the m-i-l was rubbing her leg. I asked her what was wrong and she said that her leg hurt. She pulled up her pants and there was a bruise developing about the size of my hand on her calf, below the knee. She has Peripheral Arterial Disease and Neuropathy. She can't have an injury to her leg. Because she hadn't complained and was able to transfer to a chair, they hadn't checked her. I can be both frustrated and understanding in this situation. She presented as fine so they took her at her word.
The doctor arrived to tell us that the CAT scan was clear but we weren't out of the woods. She definitely had a concussion and still had to be monitored. Her bruise would get significantly worse before it got better. Then he explained that we could go home. I was relieved and also a little disappointed. It would have given everyone a break to have her stay. But we understand that not only was the hospital busy due to the holiday, the pandemic is still a thing. Also, the consequence of a hospital stay would have been perfect in making our point of the whole situation.
Then I mentioned that her leg was bothering her and her health history. He examined her leg and she winced. Now we're waiting for an x-ray. He was gone about five minutes and she asked Kevin again what we were waiting for. I looked at the clock and it was about fifteen minutes that had passed.
They took her for an x-ray and about five minutes after that, the doctor returned. Nothing broken but very bruised. He explained that it also needed monitoring and she needed bed rest.
It's now past 2 o'clock am and we're heading home. Kevin was so tired that I was a little concerned about him driving but he had to see this through. We got her home and settled, not without a little drama. As she settled into her chair, she had an adrenaline dump and began to shake. I honestly thought we were calling the ambulance again.
She calmed and settled down so we began to give instructions to my f-i-l. She had to stay in her chair, she had to keep her leg elevated, she had to be monitored for consciousness and responsiveness. Kevin mentioned that they said for her to take ibuprofen for the bruising. The m-i-l literally whined that they don't have ibuprofen. Kevin just turned and looked at me. Wordlessly, I just backed out the door and went home to get ours.
Upon my return, Kevin was having the whole "You have to be monitored, this isn't over" conversation again. We left and he just quietly said "They so don't have this."
When we went to bed it was 3:00 am and I was wide awake. After a debate of whether or not he was going to work in two hours that he lost, Kevin went to sleep almost immediately. I watched television for a few minutes then forced myself to go to sleep. Kevin woke up at 5:00, called his guys to coordinate the work day, then went right back to sleep.
Then his phone rang again and it was the brother. I heard "What's going on?" as he walked out of the room. Kevin said that he explained what happened and the brother CANNOT just not be available. To his credit, he apologized and Kevin said they would talk about it later. Kevin went back to bed and was asleep in seconds.
We both slept in late in the morning. Kevin got up first, cleaned up then checked on the parents. They were fine but still a little flip about the whole situation. Kevin said he just left and came home, tired of arguing with them.
I explained that I had a project that needed attention and I would be working. I suggested that he just go out into his shop and relax, take a break from the parents and just do whatever he wanted. Remarkably, he agreed without fuss.
He checked with the parents later in the day and he said his mom admitted that she had "learned her lesson." Surprisingly, Kevin just replied "I hope so but I don't believe you." Because we know that this is happening again. There is just no way that it's not. We've heard this before.
Today he went back to work and it's my job to check in throughout the day. The 48-hour window is complete at 11:00 tonight. I think we dodged a very big bullet and I can't believe that we did. We both thought that this was it.
Kevin mentioned that the most frustrating thing is that this is a glimpse of the future; in the way that there is no Getting Better. This is our life now. I remembered feeling that way when my dad was terminal and acting up. There wasn't nothing to be done but wait. Wait for the bad thing to happen.
So, that's what we're doing now: Just waiting.
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