04 June 2020

Rage Sighing

I've been quiet this week, because as I mentioned earlier The World is On Fire.  Like Swistle mentioned the other day, posting seems frivolous and unimportant.

Last night found me awake at 1:30 playing a game on my phone.  Then I slept hard until my alarm went off, followed shortly by Kevin needing me to do some marketing for the racecar.  So I was at the computer before I even showered or properly caffeinated, trying to sound professional.

I'm just now getting my coffee, but I'm showered.  I'm wearing long sleeves but also shorts.  Welcome to summer in the PNW.  I'm thinking about work but not committed yet. Obviously.  My point being is nothing is normal right now.  Like, extra not normal.

I've stayed away from social media.  I did not post a black image but paused my social media for two days.  I just don't have the energy for ignorance right now.  My rebel heart will bounce back eventually and be visible.  Right now, I'm doing stuff in the background, just not visibly.  It's important to know your limits.

Today though, man, after seeing multiple All Lives posts though, I'm feeling a little stabby.  It's just so disappointing when I see people that I love post stuff that isn't just what I disagree with but willfully ignorant. It's hard enough to love people sometimes.

Yesterday I had a conversation with a coworker whose children are mixed race.  She shared how they are struggling right now, especially in a predominately white area.  That not only broke my heart but also gave me a twinge of guilt.  I have black friends, I have mixed race family, I have Latina coworkers. I worked for the YWCA for years.  I am equipped for this and I have no right to be quiet.

So I tend to approach things with humor.  There was a question on a game show the other night: "Where is it inappropriate to tell a joke?"  I glanced at Kevin and he just raised an eyebrow at me.  He knows my answer.  Within reason, "nowhere" is my answer.  Some of my hardest, joyous laughs have been at funerals, in hospital rooms, and other "inappropriate" places.

I was telling Kevin the other night about a post that I saw on social media about yelling at a breast cancer survivor that "all cancers matter".  It made me laugh but also created a perspective that breaks down why saying A.L.M is wrong.  

Being the research nerd that I am, I consulted the university of google images and collected some images.  Then without comment, posted them on the facebook.  I know that some people (family) will hate it and that's okay.  If anyone posts negative, they will get one warning then comments will be deleted.  I did this on that horrible day in 2016 and will do it again.  

(if you look at my page on the fb, it says "Bleeding heart liberal snowflake social justice warrior. Also: racecar, puppies, coffee & sarcasm"  So no one should be surprised)

Because right now isn't the time to be quiet.  It is the time to do what's right for you though so you're Not Quiet might be something completely different.  That is Okay.  We all have our ways.  It just took me a minute.























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