If you've read here for a while or know me in real life, you know that I am not a cooker. Like, super not a cooker. It's never been a skill I've enjoyed so I've never cultivated it. I'm 100% better than when I was young, of course, and we eat pretty healthy for two people who eat like six-year-olds.
One of my "goals" this year of The End Times was to try to learn new meals. I've met that with mild success. I can make enchiladas, mexican casserole, and chicken parmesana without - to quote Kevin - "screwing it up". Before you get impressed, let me tell you the recipes are the Cooking for Dummies versions. I am winning no contests.
Along with that goal, I subscribed to a few emails to help achieve it. One of the most recent emails contained a slow cooker lasagna recipe. Hmmm, I thought. We like lasagna. Slow cooker works for August-so-not-using-the-oven-cooking. So I bought the ingredients in the next grocery order.
Three weeks later and today is the day. Apparently.
The thing with the slow cooker is that it requires Time Management. As discussed previously, I don't have that. Also, it requires stopping what I'm doing mid-day to think about dinner and I'm not down for that.
My best friend likes to ask me "What's for dinner?" which is one of my least favorite questions. They are also the cook in their family and they also don't enjoy that question so it's in solidarity. Also, Kevin asks it when he phones to tell me he's on his way home. For both of these people, the answer is usually unsurprisingly"I don't know." Unless it's Tuesday, then it's Tacos. Duh.
Anyway, off topic.
I had to work today in my actual office so I pre-planned to try to make the lasagna recipe today. (whew, that was passive voice all.over.the.place.)
NOTHING STRESSES ME OUT MORE than learning how to cook something new. NOTHING. Parent hospitalizations, burying Lucy's kills, Current Political Situation. Nothing. I hate it. Gah. I employed my Calm the Eff Down tactics and made myself just do it.
I brought up the recipe on my phone. I don't know why I didn't use my laptop. I just didn't. It would have been easier but here we are.
I put all the ingredients on the counter. I got out the slow cooker. Yes, I have one, calm down. It was a wedding gift, but I have one.
Took a deep breath and began to assemble ingredients. I spun out a little from Go, because I needed a mixing bowl and didn't have one.
Sorry, another side story: I had the PERFECT mixing bowl when I was married to Satan. I used it for everything. Popcorn, mixing, everything. And my impulsive/angry dumb ass Left It Behind. I have never found another one like it. So: no large mixing bowl. Again: I don't cook and I super don't bake.
Wait, I googled it. It was like this, sorta:
I made do with just a little bit of a mess. I hate messes so that added to the angst of this experiment.
And then: I realized that I didn't have enough mozzarella cheese. I would swear that I bought some but nope. Luckily....prepare to laugh...I had extra Mexican cheese. So, the final layer had Mexican -style shredded cheese. I am nothing but multicultural. What could possibly go wrong? Cheese is cheese. More cheese the merrier. Okay, I'll stop now.
All in all, it is an easy recipe. It's just not easy when I'm all up in my head trying to learn something new. It's now slow cooking on the counter and I am prepared to go buy burgers at the tavern if it's a miserable failure.
Oh, and I'm cutting it close for it being ready at "dinner time" because (see above) I can't manage my time well. AND Kevin just phoned to let me know that he might be home early; which NEVER HAPPENS EVER.
I will say that the oven-ready/no boil lasagna noodles are just disconcerting. It's like little plastic sheets. I had to suspend my disbelief that they were real and just go with it.
Now, we wait. We'll see how the "easy" slow cooker lasagna hybrid turns out. I have no predictions.
*singing the Jeopardy song*
The house smells good so I've got that going for me. I looked under the lid because we are at hour three out of 3.5-4.5 hours. It looks...soupy. I'm wondering if more noodles were needed but I FOLLOWED THE DAMN DIRECTIONS.
The directions also said that it would be ready in that time frame but the comments said it would be ready earlier so we're playing the cooked/overcooked lottery. This is a familiar game to me.
*More jeopardy song*
Kevin came home and asked the dreaded what's for dinner question. "I made lasagna" I answered but he was already distracted with the racecar and only replied a non-committal "Oh."
Finally it was dinner time. Kevin helped set the table, which is unusual and actually matches with the way things are going today. I set the pot on the table and sighed. "Let's see how this turned out."
Kevin looks at the pot skeptically. "Wait. Did you MAKE this?" "No" he continues, answering his own question before continuing "Yes? Did you...did you... make this?" he says incredulously. "You little badass" he says when I confirm that I did indeed make this. (he has an odd complimentary style, you get used to it)
Lifting the lid, it does still appear soupy. But it smells good. I begin to cut into it and it seems...okay. I dished up Kevin and myself and sat down. Unusually, Kev is waiting for me to take the first bite. "You promised burgers if it's not good." I'm not sure if he's rooting for success or failure at this point.
I took a bite and surprisingly, it was GOOD. Kevin took a bite and...
"OMG" he exclaims "This is really EFFING GOOD. You didn't f&%k it up! It's really good!"
He takes another bite and confirms his first opinion. "It's like my NEW FAVORITE THING. OMG."
Despite the Mexican style shredded cheese substitution and the confirmed fact that more noodles are needed than suggested in the recipe, this was a big success. WHEW.
To quote one of my friends: We Can Do Hard Things. Even if hard things are defined as making lasagna.
(if you're interested, this is the recipe: Slow Cooker Lasagna)
1 comment:
Okay, this was hilarious, and also I have absolutely clicked on the recipe.
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