05 December 2020

You Don't Really Need It

Tagging onto Angela's comment on the previous "People's Choice Awards" post to tell more about the IRS travails; here is the status of that.  NO.  That is the status.

As a reminder, here is the reference:

 How the IRS website says that Kevin doesn't exist and the only way to prove it is to send a form with his actual drivers license to them?  I mean, what could possibly go wrong there?  Oh, and there is literally a section that says "Do you REALLY need a new card?  Really?"

Or further back: how I couldn't activate his debit card because my alphabet brain has the wrong social number for him on record.  The bank needs the original card to change it.  The original card that I can't find anywhere and apparently can never be replaced again.

If you search "How to replace a social security card" it sounds so easy.  Click here, complete this form, easy peasy. LIARS.

Firstly, it actually says this:


I created an account for him, I went through the process.  It sent me a text link to upload his license. And it didn't work.  Okay, then enter in your financial info.  This is where I get a little squinty.  It's connected to Equifax.  This seems...not cool.  But I digress.

I enter his financial information.  And....NO.

Enter it again.  He has a nickname so maybe it is his nickname and not his legal name.  Nope.

AND...I'm locked out of his account.

I don't think they're sorry, actually

In the meanwhile, I can look at all his information, I can change it.  I can see what is "saved" and when he can retire.  I can see all.the.things.  But can I get a silly little piece of paper? NO.

Not to be daunted, because Hello, Hi, it's me.  I phoned someone.  An actual human.  GASP. They do exist.  You have to wait nearly ten minutes on hold but there are actual humans who answer the phone. Eventually.

AND...he sounded like my dad.  A Korean war vet, whom I'm sure had a cigarette, coffee with whiskey, and a Western movie playing in the background.  Maybe a cat.

This is what you do, he says, You ignore the website.  It doesn't work.


Oh, and at this point Kevin is standing with me because he had to give his information to the gentleman.  Commence Kevin spinning dafaq out. This is going so well, really. So WELL.

The gentleman had me go to a different website and this where you print the paper application. Paper.

AND THEN, you MAIL it to the local office.  With, like, stamps and stuff.

Here's the kicker though: you have to include your ORIGINAL identification.  In this case, a driver's license.  Really, what could possibly go wrong there?  This process has been so efficient and reliable up until this point.  PIECE OF CAKE.

Now, this is where I say that we both have what they call enhanced licenses.  This is like having a mini-passport.  We can cross into Canada and skip TSA with these.  To complicate it even more, Kevin has a Commercial Drivers License for work.  He cannot be without it. 

So, this is where I stopped.  I'm not sending his ID in the mail and waiting 7-10 days for the government to process this, during the holidays, during the pandemic, during this current administration.

I did, however, try again just now and...locked myself out of his account again.

I will continue to search for his card in my desk.  I am positive that it is somewhere absolutely stupid.  Like in our tax returns or stuck to the back of something or in the address book.  I will find it.  

Or I will wait until 2022 to replace it.  Because the government actually tells me I don't need it.  Until I do.

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