28 January 2023

Carpet Will Fix This

 I am exhausted.  Not the tired from a long week, or the tired from doing something fun, or from being ill, or even from lack of sleep.  I am just exhausted.  My brain can't process anymore information, my body is unwilling to move any more than what is necessary.

When last we left the parents, the m-i-l was hospitalized for acute kidney failure, diverticulosis.  In Critical Care. With hopes of going home in two days.

Indeed, she did not go home in two days.  That night she had a heart episode featuring high blood pressure, chest pain and shortness of breath.  The on call doctor ran all the tests and whisked her off to Critical Care. No one knew about this until I logged into the medical records at 5:30 the next morning.  Then I had to phone Kevin to let him know; not my favorite phone call.

At that point, they also discovered that she was developing pneumonia, which is of no surprise to anyone.  

They ruled out a heart attack. They ruled out panic attack. They ruled out Broken Heart Syndrome (which she also has)  They determined that it was her body's reaction to the whole thing plus the re-distribution of her eleventy medicines. (they were being converted to liquid) We are now back to wait and see.  

Now today, Saturday, we find both parents home and my f-i-l briefly hospitalized.  Yeah, some whiplash there, huh?

On Thursday, the hospital discharged the  m-i-l because she was deemed at greater risk in the hospital for secondary infections than she would be at home.  (yes, even though they refused in-home health care)   So, we shrugged and moved on.  We know she's going to end up back at the hospital again so we're just along for the ride.

The parents returned home late in the afternoon and got settled in back into the house.  Kevin came home a little early to check on them and that's when the circus music began to play.

Having been away from her house for seven days, the m-i-l returned home with fresh eyes.  She found herself horrified at the state of the house.  Horrified.

She wasn't blaming her spouse for not taking care of it in her absence or acknowledging the fact that we have been saying for a very long time that they needed help. Nor was she complaining about taking care of the b-i-l's large dog, which requires a crate and pillow. (in a 12 ft. by 12 ft. room at largest) and pees when it gets excited.

Nope, it was the carpet.  The carpet was the cause of the dirty.  It was old, it showed dirt and stains, and it Had To Be what was making her sick.  All the reasons why she was in the hospital were momentarily lost to her focus on the carpet.

It has to be said that she's not totally wrong.  But it is so far off target of the cause of their overall issues that it's dumbfounding.

But, I think this is something she feels like she can control.  She thinks that if they get new carpet, the house will be clean, and they will then magically be able to care for their house.  Unlike before. The carpet will change everything.

Now, to clarify: we're not being judgey. This is not simple clutter.  I mean mold in the sink and in the dish dryer, filthy carpets and floor, dirty bathroom and yes, lots of dust and clutter too.  Plus a big dog on the weekdays and their little elderly dog.  

If you're wondering "Well, there are four adults that live with/near them. Why isn't anyone taking care of it?"  We've tried in the past during hospitalizations: I would clean it for them so that was one less worry.  Then I got so frustrated with them that Kevin said to just stop. (also, the sister-in-law never helps unless specifically asked)  We even paid our niece to clean and they told her to stop because there "wasn't enough for her to do".

So I was tasked with going to get carpet samples and then "we" would work on the rest of it.  Alas, this is the only help they are accepting.

2:43 the next morning, Kevin's phone rings.  I actually thought "Which one is dead?" upon waking.  This is where we are now.

This time it's Kevin's dad.  He's sick and can't get out of bed and is unresponsive.  We dress and rush over there.  Kevin's mom reiterates that he's been sick, throwing up, and that there was blood.  I hear Kevin try to get a response from his dad and gets a mumble/mutter. I hear Kevin say that he agreed to it and I phoned the ambulance.

While we wait, Kevin tries to get more information from the mom. PLUS we're trying to get her into her recliner, put on her oxygen, and calm down.  Unknown to me, Kevin called his brother and gave him ZERO OPTION to come help.

The aid car arrives and about five other support vehicles.  I'm trying to remember what his health history is and keep leaving things out; like a PACEMAKER.  I now have a list on my phone for when this happens again.  I can do the mothers by rote and now I have to memorize his.

The f-i-l is slowly becoming more responsive as they take his vitals and try to figure out what should be done.  Eventually, he INSISTS on seeing his medicine.  LIke, rose his voice insists.  I have the written list in my hand but he wants to see his actual pill box.

Hey, remember about six years ago when he gave himself a stroke when he took the m-i-l's meds and didn't tell anyone.  I am having flashback of this.  I share this information with the paramedics as well.

They decided to take him to the hospital and we are playing paper-rock-scissors who goes to the hospital and who stays with the mother.  Kevin and I follow the ambulance and the siblings stay with the mother. 

By the time he is admitted into the hospital, he says he feels fine. Nothing is wrong.  This is where I remember that this happened LAST TIME.  She had a hospital stay, returned home, then he ended up in the E.R. shortly thereafter. So that's something to add to the list

The E.R. doctor was so good with him.  She didn't take his bullsh*t at all.  She listened as we reported what we knew and tried to reconcile it with what he was saying.  Kevin even went as far as to call his mother so the doctor could hear the conversation.  The mother said he was throwing up blood and it was a mess. He said he was coughing and there was a little blood.

They ran all the tests, took an EKG and xray.  Nothing.  Everything is fine.

EXCEPT, he would fall asleep and the monitor kept alerting.  Well, it turns out that he has severe sleep apnea.  Did he know this? YES.  Did he have a CPAP machine?  Yes but no.  He  gave it to the b-i-l because he wasn't using it and THE BROTHER DIDN'T WANT TO PAY FOR HIS OWN MACHINE.  Now the f-i-l can't get a new one because medicare already paid for one.

I KNOW RIGHT

So, add that issue to all of the lists.

Finally, the doctor says that she has no idea what had happened but she was assured that his tests all came back fine.  We did eventually learn that my f-i-l had taken his morning series of meds TWICE that day. While there was nothing super dangerous, it could maybe might have contributed to him being sick.

It was also posited that it could be exhaustion and an adrenaline dump from the mother's hospital stay.  THEN they did one last test: dehydration.  He was dehydrated. %@#*#

So, the hospital discharged him and we returned home. Kevin tucked them back into their house and was just "What do we do?"  The answer is the same as always: nothing.  There is nothing we can do.

There was a meeting of sorts between the boys and them the next day.  They were told very clearly that we - as a family - cannot keep doing this.  These past two hospitalizations were self-inflicted.  They agreed and said they would talk about it

Meanwhile, I did go get carpet samples and accidentally had a therapy session with the sales woman because she asked why I was shopping for carpet for my parents.  I owe her flowers.

They have since agreed to have my sister-in-law's sister come clean their house weekly.  We will help pay for it.  Her sister is A LOT but she's the kind of person who is good with the elderly.  I have little hope of this being a long  term thing but it's a step.

THEN.  AND THEN.  My f-i-l phoned me last night.  He was super cheery and soliticious, which is unlike him.  "He" was thinking and the parents thought that it's time to get help with the meds and the food.  He asked if I would help figuring that out.  Of course, I answered cheerily while trying not to flail my whole body across the kitchen.

I will work on getting that set up on Monday.  I am skeptical of this as well.  It's going to take the nurse doing something differently or one of them being in a mood and they will decide that it isn't going to work. I'm just steeling myself for that now.

But it's something. It's a step.  Maybe I'll be wrong.

In the meanwhile, I have to go order carpet now.


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