These Moments are Fleeting

As described in previous posts, family can be stressful.  Yesterday was Easter and with seven children, most of them teenagers now, it gets a little crazy.

The littles, who will be twelve in May, still wanted to do an egg hunt.  We were a little surprised but assumed they were going to do it with Sweet Baby, thus "justifying" doing a little kid thing.  But no, they were totally into it.

Then the baby fell asleep.  To be fair, he's two and it was nap time.  And we were all a little jealous.

Because reasons, Kevin and I have become the grandparents in these adventures.  We helped the adults kids hide the eggs and helped coach the kids in their search.  Well, I helped, Kevin smack-talked, which the boys adore.  The highlight was when Kevin called  C2 - the 14 year old - "Bruh" and he burst out laughing, saying "Dude, did you just say...bruh?" in complete disbelief.  Anyone who has teenaged sons knows what an accomplishment eliciting laughter can be.

We had to hide them in more difficult places this year; up high and in places nearly out of their reach.  One was tied onto a tree branch, one was balanced on a stump in a watery ditch.  Oh, and Nephew usually hides a bug in one of them so paranoia was high upon opening the plastic eggs.  If you know me IRL, you'll see the photos on the facebook.

After the hunt, we returned inside and the kids went through their candy while we enviously watched.  Family Feud was on and it was interesting to hear the kids play along. They understood some of the racier jokes yet one of the Boy Littles were frustrated that contestants making the "X" sign wasn't how you high-five and "Nobody high fives like that"   Girl Little is actually pretty good at the game and it was fun to have them old enough to participate in things like that.

Once everyone settled down, Girl Little sat next to me and before I knew it, her head was on my lap and she was snoozing.  Like with the teenaged boy, these moments are so rare now.  I carefully took a snap with my cell phone to keep the moment forever.

We know the clock is winding down with the parents but it didn't fully occur to me that the clock is also ticking with the kids.  Soon they are not going to want to hunt for eggs or snuggle while waiting for dinner.

So five minutes peace with a sleeping kid and making a sarcastic teen laugh. These moments are fleeting.

Don't Call Your Mother

In case you're wondering about what life with aging parents might look like...

Kevin received a phone call stating the title of this bloggitty about a month ago.  He phones his mom every morning to literally make sure that everyone made it through the night.  But his dad phoned him and said the above.

Like most things these days, it takes a deep breath and eye-roll before being able to respond like a reasonable adult.  "Why not? What's wrong?"

"Well, her phone won't ring."

Kevin tried to get more information but asking his dad questions is not unlike asking a five-year-old a question.  You're going to get details you don't need. This is a good visualization:


Then Kevin phones me and immediately apologizes.  "Can you go next door and see what's happening?"  This is one of those moments when I wished I drank.

I walk over there and I have to leave Lucy inside because they take care of my brother-in-laws dog whom I dislike and is mean to Lucy.  So just entering the house is a thing.  I mention that they live in a Park Model Home, so it's 400 square feet.  Perfect size for two elderly people, a small dog and an ill-behaved boxer.  Anyway...

Oh, and imagine either sports, COPS, or CNN being on blast while you're there.  And that Kevin's dad not-whistles all.the.time (not whistling = randomly blowing air out of your mouth, making a shushing sound)

Then it's the five minute thing to figure out what is happening.  There are a few things: Kevin's dad will joke because reasons instead of just telling us what is happening.  Kevin's mom isn't a good reporter and will make something up if she can't remember or doesn't want to tell us.  So I've learned to just start from scratch with anything.  Make no assumptions!

Oh and it's been doing this for two days.  Kevin checks in every day, usually twice.  Two days and they don't tell us. We live next door.  They see us come home from work every day.  I get home at 3:00.  Two days!!

I sat down and dialed her phone with my phone. "Oh, we did that. It doesn't work."  Deep sigh, "Yes I know but I need to see what it does and hear what message I receive."  It's like they think I don't believe them and I kinda don't but we'll move on.

Indeed it doesn't ring and it just says that the customer isn't available.  I go through the settings to make sure that she didn't put it in airplane mode or whatever.  She's been known to shut stuff off then steadfastly deny it. 

Then I check my app to make sure that the phone is still active. (more on that in a minute)  Finally I turn it off and turn it back on.  It works.

So, now I'm magic.  I fix all the things.

Two weeks go by and Kevin's dad phones during dinner.  Kevin was literally, physically IN THEIR HOUSE twenty minutes ago.  "Your mothers phone isn't working again."

Kevin disconnects and tells me. 
"OFFS!" I exclaim. 
Our patience is so worn at this point. 

We trudge over there and again the phone won't ring.  BUT, this time the battery is also dead.  So we have to deduce which came first: the non-ringing, the dead battery?  It's a chicken/egg thing.

Oh, and she doesn't have a cord for it, because wait for it, the dogs chewed it.
Now there's the discussion of how they need to make sure the phone is charged in case she falls, Kevin's dad is gone, whatever. This is completely new information to her.  AUUUUGGGGHHHH.

We restarted the phone and it worked again.  Now we explain how we need to know this as soon as possible so she's not without a phone and so I can address it before I leave from work, in case I need to stop at the phone store for, oh you know, a phone charger.  This time it has been two days.

Now this is the other part: They also use our internet.  We momentarily tried to use Kevin's brother's but it didn't work because of course it doesn't.

After THREE DAYS of not having internet, they finally phoned me to come see what the problem was.  "Well, we didn't want to bother you..."  "We don't now what's wrong."

Now, all she does at this point of her life is watch CNN and play with her tablet so this is kind of a big deal.  But, they didn't initially tell me that it had been three days.

I do all the stuff I know to reconnect.  Finally, I had to call Verizon to see what has happened.  Well, I thought I had taken the suspension off her account when we discovered she couldn't use the other house's internet but I made a mistake and it was disconnected.  Five minutes later and it was back up and running.

I mention to them that it's been three days.  "Oh, no! It hasn't been that long!"  Yes, it has because Verizon probably doesn't have time to lie to me.  And it's both of them, they're complicit.  So we've had to coach Kevin's dad to tell us when something isn't right because Kevin's mom will literally lie about it. 

I used to say that it's like raising teenagers but this is more like four-year-olds who have actual cookie crumbs on their mouths and blame the dog for the cookies being gone.

So, there you go, in case you're wondering what it's like raising elderly parents.

Silent Films

One of the last parts of the photo project for my mom has taken a long time for me to finish.  She had a few reels of 8 mm film that we weren't sure what was on them. They were from my dad and maybe from my grandma, my mother thought.

I took them to the local camera shop (yeah, I know right, there is still such a thing) who sent them off to be put onto a dvd.  According to the interwebs, the wally world and other chain stores will do it too but I had trust issues with that idea.

Heartbreakingly, one roll couldn't be processed because the chemical used to develop the film has been banned due to toxicity.  Whatever is on that roll is lost to history.  Instead, it is on my bookshelf until maybe technology makes development possible.

It took almost three weeks and now those films are now on one dvd.  Technology is amazing but it is expensive; over $100 for less than 30 minutes of footage.  And, there's no audio.  I was pretty disappointed about that.

I uploaded it to the youtube so it's stored forever somewhere.  Then put a link on the facebook for the brothers, nieces, and cousins.  It's one of those things that maybe something will be important to someone else someday.

The videos are all pre-my existence so we're guessing mid-1960's.  It started with grainy video of a parade in my dad's hometown.  I think maybe two of the people on horseback is my great aunt and uncle. It also looks like it's across the street from where my mom worked as a waitress before she was married.

Then it switches to video of my eldest brother as a baby, in one of those now illegal bouncy/rolly seats.  He's maybe six months old. I so wish there was audio.

My dad worked for the Washington State Department of Transportation for awhile.  One of the jobs he did was bridge inspection.  There is video of the underneath of Deception Pass bridge.  You can see that my dad was on the girders from the vantage point and he made sure to video the water rushing underneath them.  Then it segues into the Swinomish Slough bridge in the early 60's.  I can't tell if it's an inspection or not.  It's interesting only in seeing the cars drive by.

There is about a thirty-second segment of my brothers playing in the yard while my mom mowed.  They're about three and eight, maybe.  They look so happy; I remember mostly surly teenage boys because of the age difference.  That my mom was mowing while my dad was doing other things is a perfect encapsulation of their relationship.

The next reel is the home movies equivalent of vacation slides, from a fishing boat going to Alaska.  This happened while my mom was pregnant with me, I believe. (another shining example of my dad's commitment to family)  It's footage starting at the Ballard Locks and the ship name is Sea Comber. Then
LOTS of footage that was probably interesting to him but is boring af now, especially with no audio.

It finishes with another vignette of my brothers swimming on our old dock.  The dock looks just like it did when I was a child.  My brothers are older in this part so I'm guessing it was probably filmed the summer I was a baby, so 1969.

The discovery of this was interesting but a little disappointing.  I don't know what I expected but I kind of hoped it was more. I think it was a situation where the unknown was much more interesting than the reality.

So as to not end this on a bummer note, double-check with grandparents, aunts & uncles, etc. for these kind of gems.  While I was disappointed, there could have been something significant there that would have continued languishing unknown and undiscovered in a drawer.

Enough

They Make Paint Everyday

I love watching home reno shows.  My favorites are Fixer Upper, Property Brothers, and Main Cabin Masters.  Flip or Flop Atlanta and Nashville are contenders as well. However, I can't even with the househunter shows.

I'm not a fan of  the Tiny House movement, even though our house is smaller than most.  When I look at those tiny homes, all I can think of is that it is great if nothing ever goes wrong; because no one ever ages or gets sick or injured.

But here's some things that flip my switch (see what I did there?)

I'm not a cooker so kitchens are not important to me.  I can understand the want for the chef's kitchen but I think living space is more important.  So many times I see kitchens that are just fine but these people are all "Eeew, gross."

And really, everything is cyclical.  What is cool now isn't going to be cool in a few years.  So I'm always a little skeptical when people say the kitchen needs updating.  I mean sometimes just a coat of paint and new appliances will do the trick.

"Room for my shoes"  Cue: eyeroll.  This supersedes "I need my glamour closet" by fractions. You need bigger problems if that is a priority.

I don't understand the "Kids need a playroom."  When I was growing up that was called my bedroom.

I laugh every time I see people moving out to the country because they want a big yard.  Rarely do they look like folks who can handle a riding lawn mower, trimming trees, and other tasks that are required by large yards.  I just think to myself: budget for a landscaper.

Now let's talk about a phrase I could live the remainder of my life hearing again: Open Concept.  Anyone who doesn't have it and want it needs to listen to me, because Imagine:
watching television while someone is in the kitchen banging pots, washing dishes, etc.
Or when you make a particular pungent meal that now permeates the entire house.
Or being able to see that you didn't do the dishes from most vantages in your house.
Imagine having your phone conversation being heard through the majority of your home.
Or as someone on one of those shows pointed out: "I can't be naked in my own home because you can see everywhere."  You laugh but now think of all the times you left something in the dryer that you needed when you are getting dressed.

I agree that open concept looks nice and can be appealing. Our small cottage home is low key open concept with the kitchen and living room so this is how I know of which I speak. But open concept can mean no privacy also.

Garage conversion.  I will clutch my pearls when I see people turn the garage into something else.  We're back to the "You aren't going to be young forever" idea. And where is their storage going to be?

Now to the title of this bloggity post.  I want to yell at people who see a house or a room and state "Oh, it's...blue."  OFFS, they make paint every day. 

I know that the design of the show (again, see what I did there?) is to find folks the perfect home but in reality, there isn't the perfect home. Every house is going to take work to make it into a home. 

To me most of the fun is that work.  We've only been in this house twelve years and it looks very different than when we began.  That's the fun of it.

And guess what this summer's project is?  PAINTING.  So point me to this post when I'm complaining.

Passive Resistance

It's difficult to feel like there is anything one can effectively do in this political climate right now.  The Parkland Teens have been Ah-MAZING and brave and they give me hope for the future.

I mentioned during the Christmas shopping post that I considered relocating the biographies of He Who Shan't Be Named to the trash bin aisle but just turned the covers inward instead.  Well, I've been methodically doing the same with a certain tabloid-publication-that-only-old ladies-buy-that-is-located-at the-checkout-stands.  I without fail, even if people are standing there, will flip it so the covers face inward.  It's a tiny thing but it makes me happy.

This morning I was waiting in the grocery store checkout and I scanned for that tabloid.  I didn't see it so I figured I was just on an aisle that didn't have it.  Then I noticed something:

The lovely Pacific Northwest is pot friendly so the presence of the magazine isn't a big deal. It's what it is on top of.  I LOVE whoever did this and they have given me inspiration.

Social media can be dicey these days.  I have close friends and family with very differing opinions so we have strayed away from making political posts out of respect.  But it's getting more difficult to do because that same respect isn't accorded to me and I'm getting pretty tired of being bashed.  Instead I will like all the "liberal" posts so I know they probably pop up on people's feeds.  They can block me or whatever, I don't care.  At this point, I don't know that I need friends who are standing behind what is going on right now.

So, I post on the facebook silly memes and puppy photos.  I use the insta for photography only. But my twitter has become semi-political, using retweets mostly.  I try to offset that with nonsense like Allison Winn Scotch's White House cabinet comprised solely of dogs. 

I signed up for Resistbot.  It sends texts to remind you to contact your legislators, either state or federal and helps you with topics.  It auto generates emails to said legislators.  I've received responses from my congresspeople so it does appear to work.

I sign petitions from MoveOn, Everytown, Human Rights Campaign, etc.  It is a little thing but it feels like you're doing something.  I will warn you: it blows up your email a little bit so a clever person (not me) might create a blind email box just for these. 

I've called Congress but that is a little intimidating and not for everyone. But once you're done, it feels pretty cool.  You just called CONGRESS.  The trick is to find a script online and then you don't have to worry about what you're going to say.  Believe it or not, FAXING is also a thing. You can fax Congress!

These are passive ways to resist that I mention because Marching isn't for everyone (but I fear we may be forced to) so this might help a little. 

What really kicked my ass was a tweet from a few months ago.  If this doesn't motivate and possible scare a person just a little...

Happy St Patricks Day!

Your Language is Offensive

One would think that because I've worked in Social Services and Early Childhood Ed most of my life that I wouldn't curse.  Oh, but I do.  I'm very skilled but unfortunately, it is not something one can put on a resume.

But in some settings I'm pretty creative.  "Sonofabiscuiteatingdog" was one that I've said since high school.  I have no idea of it's origin.  With my brain, anything is possible.

A thousand years ago I knew a child who used to say "Shootdarnit" and I find myself saying that a lot.  Almost without fail, Kevin will reply: "HEY! Language!"  which always makes me laugh.

Also a long time ago, I had a friend who was Christian but often dropped the gawdammit.  In Kevin's family that one is verboten.  Of all the curses, that is like the top one. I've infrequently heard the eff bomb dropped so it's probably #2 on the list but absolutely no gawdammit. 

The most popular one in my family? Yeah, the above.  It was quite a learning curve for me in the beginning.  So it was replaced with "God Bless America." 

My former husband was called Bonehead because I couldn't say prick to my mom. So there's that.

When we hang with our Canadian friends, all bets are off. It takes me about three days to re-acclimate to being American again.  They use "eff" like punctuation.  It's just not a big deal to them.  If it slips through, I usually apologize and say "My Canadian is showing."

"Go to Hell" is also not allowed, in either family now that I think of it.  The current situation in our government has forced me to be really creative.  "Die in a fiery plane crash" is often my go-to.  I've also wished them a "Very uncomfortable chair in Hell." 

Nephew says "Die in a fire" when he's super pissed at something, which is very rare.  I'm somewhere between wincing and laughing with that one.  Although "die in a fiery plane crash" is on par with it.

Kevin says "Mother Bear!" instead of mother-effer when I'm around and it makes me laugh every time.  Every once in a while he slips though and it's something I very much enjoy because dude never looses his cool. 

Two Kevin favorites:  we broke down in a SUPER CHRISTIAN town years ago.  (Blue laws still on the books, Footloose kind of SUPER CHRISTIAN town.) Kevin was under our trailer trying to fix something and he was cursing a lot ON A SUNDAY.  Finally, I ripped out of the truck and whispered/yelled "You are going to get ARRESTED!"

He dropped "C...sucker" once and I was laughing so hard I actually got out of the truck and walked away.  There's just something about Mr. Diplomacy busting out the big boy words that takes me out.

Finally, one phrase I've never heard anywhere but from Kevin is "Fight, Eff, or hold the light."  He picked it up from a family member who is a Vietnam Vet so I'm guessing there's a story there. When Kevin is getting frustrated with anyone being indecisive, (me, it's usually me)  he'll say it. It's like a warning shot.

In these stressful days, the need to curse is cathartic.  Unfortunately, we're not always able to so creativity is required. 

International Women's Day

Offset the Horribleness

I, as others, are in a Everything Is Terrible headspace right now so I'm making a list of only things I love to offset said horribleness...

Things I love right now:

Johnnyswim  I listen to them at work and they're perfect.  I found them by following Joanna Gaines on Instagram.  They sing the opening song of Fixer Upper. Very chill music, not jazz and not country but a funky mix.

Main Cabin Masters...HGTV and DYI channels are soothing when you're home sick.  I enjoy watching this one because they remind me of our friends and I now really, really, really want a cabin in Maine.

Starbucks App...my obsession continues.

Flower seeds...I have flower seeds waiting for me to plant when it stops snowing.  I love the anticipation of planting them and hoping that a few of them actually grow.

The Pop Rocks channel on SIRIUS/XM.  Rock from 1990's - 2000's.  A little timewarp whiplash but I know all the words to the songs.

Socks from Goodwill...Now that isn't as gross as it sounds. The Goodwill near my work sells new socks and I bought a few pairs that are super cozy.  I don't know the brand name though and now they're not in the store anymore.

Ross Mathews Podcast and now Ross Mathews on Celebrity Big Brother

Semiahmoo Resort...Kevin and I were supposed to go on a roadtrip and we ended up here instead.  It is so unbelievably lovely.  It's not inexpensive so it was really a treat for us.  If you follow me on the Insta, then you've seen the photos.

The Parkland Teens (and all the protesting teens nationwide)...they are an inspiration and give me faith that the future is bright and not apocalyptic.

So, now go make your list. Focus on the happy, if you can.

On This Day...

Happy Valentines Day

It's not a made-up holiday.  Love is love is love.  Celebrate those you love today.

On This Day...

I refuse to accept the view that mankind is so tragically bound to the starless midnight of racism and war that the bright daybreak of peace and brotherhood can never become a reality... I believe that unarmed truth and unconditional love will have the final word.

Martin Luther King, Jr.

Looking Back Forward

I had high hopes for 2018 and then it had me run into two former boyfriends in twenty-four hours.  Two more and I'll have revisited my entire romantic history.  *thanks, universe* <----muttered gritted="" p="" teeth.="" through="">
I mean it's not awful, it could have been worse.  There was no/little baggage with these guys but still.

Both times I was scrubby because the universe has a sense of humor.  The first time it was raining outside and because I hate coats, I was not at my best appearance-wise.  Although comparatively the last time he saw me was at his father's funeral so I guess I have that going for me? *wincing*

The second time I was with Kevin, which is always a hoot.  This is the one guy that Kevin very jokingly says "And you slept with him!"  Way to make it weird, Kev.  

These interactions came on the heels of a new "friend" on the facebook that I made during the holidays.  It was a guy I knew when I was dating/married the first time.  We never dated but he was the only one who said "What are you doing with this guy?" before I married the first time.

He posted a photo that just kicked my ass.  It was a photo of his car (that he had when we knew each other) parked in front of a shop that I spent a lot of time at (owned by the family of the best man in my first wedding) looking at the store he used to work at, and overlooked by my former husband's family business.  It was a weird encapsulation of my history in one photo.

It was a very Sliding Doors moment. A glimpse of what life not only looked like then but a glimpse of an alternate future.  You're giving me whiplash, universe.

(he's a former FBI guy so Hi! if you image search your photos)

Why I Hate White Elephants...

One of my least favorite things in the entire universe is white elephant exchanges.  Invariably, and I mean every.single.time, I get the crap present.  I knew this but never said anything about it to anyone until Kevin mentioned it during the holidays.  I didn’t realize that he noticed but he did.

His work did a gift exchange at their party.  The difference being is that the owner bought all the gifts and they were not cheap gifts.  As we watched, there were a few things that we nudged each other and nodded approvingly.  There were others that I was like “Umm, no. don’t choose a present that is that shape.”  Those were the kitchen appliances, like mixers and toasters. 

Kevin ended up choosing an expensive multi-tool, a definite boy thing.  He was mildly excited about it but not over the moon. It’s not really something he will carry with him and use frequently. He has some of my gift exchange karma, I think.

Now, fast forward to my work party.  I’m in a room with twenty people, many of whom I don’t know.  I’ve worked here for just over ninety-days at this point.  This gift exchange was $10 gift cards so not a bad idea, really.  Until it was.

I bought a Fred Meyer/Kroger card because a) I forgot about it and 2) I went with practicality. 

Yeah, I totally chose my own card.  They were all in all the same envelopes so you couldn’t tell which was which.  I played it cool, figured that I guess it’s a win.  Then the boss stole it from me so I had to choose again. 

A coffee card…hooray! Except it was for a town fifteen minutes away.  (see? Bad karma)  Then someone stole it. (I know!)  I chose another gift card and it was for Itunes.   Sigh.  I’m not an Apple person, I hate their products, actually.  But I thought “Shiny side: I can give it to one of the kids for their stocking.” 

Then someone else who also had bad exchange karma and he caught my eye.  Silently we agreed to trade cards after it was all said and done.  Hooray!  We both worked it out.

It was a $10 gift card for wally world.  Not great and my first thought was like the Itunes card: I’ll just use it on the kids.  But then I didn’t.  Fast forward one month and I’m shopping for a mattress topper.  I spent a little more than I planned because I had a ten dollar gift card.

I swear to sweet little eight pound baby jesus this is true:  It didn’t work.  I know!

Now I mentioned in a previous post that my mother-in-law wanted to do a gift exchange at Christmas for the adults.  We were against it because there is a person in the family who is sensitive pants and ugh, just no. 

We agreed that the gifts should be $15-20 and to buy one boy gift and one girl gift.  I purposefully and thoughtfully chose gifts that people could use.  Something useful and not something off the sale rack.  Something I wouldn't mind getting myself.

Then my sister in law decided to look up games on the interwebs just to make it more awkward, I guess.  We all were given a gift then had to roll a die to see if we passed gifts left or right or kept our gift.  We did two rounds of this with eleven adults.  It was awkward and weird and we all hated it. (and totally effed the boy girl thing, by the way)

Yeah, I totally ended up with a gift I bought.  It was a gardening set so it wasn’t awful but it also wasn’t something I was excited about or needed.  Kevin got a Ten-in-One game set that we’ll never use. 

I returned the gardening set and spent the cash at the dollar store and second hand store.  I guess it was a win, other than just being annoyed.  the game set is just going to sit in a cupboard until I get frustrated looking at it and send it to Goodwill.

So, can we just not with the gift exchanges?  Someone is always unhappy, people are usually uncomfortable, and it rarely comes out fairly.  

Let's just give each other candy and move on with our lives.  No one hates candy, right?  I mean I'd literally rather have a white chocolate elephant shaped candy than endure a gift exchange.  Can someone make this happen before next Christmas?

This Year...

Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story. 

Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. 


Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism. 


Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass. 


Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself. 


You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. 


Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul. 


With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy. 


Max Ehrmann, Desiderata, Copyright 1952.

It's the New Year's Meme!

It’s tradition! The New Years Meme!

1. What did you do in 2017 that you’d never done before?

*thinking*  I'm sure there's something...

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?



I believe that I mostly did. I just can't even this year. 

My resolutions for 2018:

To be determined at a later date. Like, 2019.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?



Nope, no new babies this year. 

4. Did anyone close to you die?



Yes, a good friend at the end of 2016 and his father just a few months ago. An aunt we weren't close to.  It feels like I'm forgetting someone and isn't that awful?

5. What countries did you visit?



"Oh Canada, our home and native land.."
(This is not my favorite question...Let's try: What trips did you take?  Well, none but we went on a few fun roadtrips!)

6. What would you like to have in 2018 that you lacked in 2017?

Peace and contentment

7. What dates from 2017 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

The day I unexpectedly lost my job in March. I'm still not recovered from that experience and don't know that I ever will be.  The day of Kevin's procedure now with some time passed I can see the humor of it and not the initial worry.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?



Putting one foot in front of another each day. Not running away to Canada.

9. What was your biggest failure?

I'm grateful that I can't think of one but this year as a whole felt like failure.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

Not this year!  I'm on a two-year spree!  Go, me!

11. What was the best thing you bought?
Although upset at the time because it was unplanned, my new-to-me Durango.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

Anyone who has made it through this no good, awful, terrible year.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?



He Who Shan't Be Named and the people who support him.

14. Where did most of your money go?

Sigh...bills....life...

15. What did you get really excited about?
Dude, I got nothing.  I mean, I started a new job but i wasn't over-the-moon about it.

16. What song will always remind you of 2017?

In Case You Didn't Know   This is the ringtone Kevin has set for me.  Almost thirty years in and this song is still relevant.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:


– happier or sadder? Meh

– thinner or fatter? Same-ish

– richer or poorer? Meh

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?



Read...where did all my reading skills/time go?  I suspect the interwebs.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?



Worry.

20. How did you spend Christmas?



Eve - at my parents with an excited four-year-old who has discovered the joy of Tag!

Day - Next door, immersed in children's excitement and food

21. Did you fall in love in 2017?

Every day.

22. What was your favorite TV program?



I'm rewatching the entire E.R. series and have fallen in love again.  Same with West Wing.

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?



"No. I'm not a hater. It's a waste of time" is my standard answer but this year He Who Shan't Be Named is on the list.

24. What was the best book you read?

*scanning bookshelves*  I read a series by Nora Roberts that I wasn't wild about and put in the donate box.  See question #18...

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?


The combination of Shazam and Amazon Prime Music. For example, I just downloaded Greatest Love Story by Lanco after hearing it on the Canadian country radio station.  Oh, wait. No. The Dear Evan Hansen soundtrack.  But if we're being honest, it's still Hamilton.

26. What did you want and get?

A job, even though it didn't turn out to be what I wanted.  Focusing on gratitude here because I'm lucky on that front and need to shush.

27. What did you want and not get?

I didn't go to Vegas this year and I was more disappointed than I thought I would be.  It's not that it's *Vegas*, it's time away and time spent with friends.

28. What was your favorite film of this year?

Batman Lego Movie, because I'm six.

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I had birthday cake for breakfast, worked in the morning because new job (booo), went to lunch with Kevin then bought Christmas decorations I didn't need on clearance at Michaels.  I watched Doctor Who for the remainder of the day and had taco Tuesday for dinner.  This is my last year in the forties.

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

Peace and contentment, I'm saying it again because it's so rarely out of my grasp and I don't like it.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2017?

I'm going to quote an old coworker "I'd like to get as close as possible to wearing pajamas to work yet still look appropriately dressed."

32. What kept you sane?



 Kevin. Lucy. Mochas.Television.

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

It's a tie this year: Patton Oswalt because he's amazing and Wil Wheaton because he is also amazing.

34. What political issue stirred you the most?



the whole gawdamned gawdawful thing.

35. Who did you miss?



My former co-workers.

36. Who was the best new person you met?



I am rebuilding a friendship with one of my high-school best friends after being separated for years by distance/life.

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2017:

Everything I think of sounds trite or from a Dr. Seuss book.Let's go with this: Things are rarely what they seem, plan accordingly.

Me at the End of 2017                                                                      Me at 12:01 am 2018

 

In Prep for Christmas Eve

Adventures in Shopping

This year despite best intentions, I was really late with Christmas shopping.  Like, started and finished yesterday late.  There are a variety of factors attributing to this but mostly I refer to the previous post mentioning how difficult 2017 has been.

But, let's talk about how the day went.  Firstly, I knew I wanted to start at Wally World first.  This required getting up like a regular workday on my day off and being in the store at 7:45 am.  This is actually a little later than I'd planned but we've all met me.  I exist in my own time zone.

Oh, and I employed my focus technique of wearing my headphones while I shop. This is a serious game-changer for me.  I have always been Suzy commando shopper but the headphones really help keep me focused with a big task like Christmas shopping.  Thank you occupational therapist friend who mentioned this last year!  Musical selection you ask?  Hamilton, of course.

Surprisingly, it was not the seventh circle of hell that I assumed it would be.  In fact, it was pretty quiet.  Like the only person in the twenty items or less quiet.  It was a Christmas miracle.

A few details about the Wally World experience:
the book selection is dismal.  I wanted to get a romance novel (more on that later) but the range went from brand new hardcover Danielle Steel to dollar store bodice-rippers.  I did notice two books about He Who Shan't Be Named.  After considering if any laws would be broken by moving those books to, say, the trash can aisle, I opted to just turn them around so the backs were facing out.  It's Christmas, after all.

They were already consolidating holiday decorations and putting stuff away and that made me a little sad.

I bought brand-name tape and it has CHANGED MY LIFE.  I will never again buy inexpensive/store brand tape in my life.  That extra dollar is totally worth it.

The girl Little is obsessed with wolves.  Quick, tell me where to get wolf stuff right now and I will be your best friend because it's nearly impossible. 

I went to a craft store with the initials HL (against my own personal/political reasons) because I remembered seeing something in their Western decor aisle quite a while ago.  The store didn't open until 9:00, which is astounding to me being three days before Christmas.  So, I went to Starbucks and got a mocha then returned and waited because grownup.

And they didn't have anything.  A wolf coat hanger that screws into the wall and that's it.  UGH.  they had sloth and fox stuffies but not wolf ones. Sloth stuffies. Seriously.  There was a framed wolf picture that I dithered on because it was one of those cheesy state fair prize ones that change as you move your head.  I decided no and went to go grocery shopping.

ONE MORE THING. there was teen-aged boy sitting in the lobby of the store and he wore a t-shirt with "Straight Outta the Closet" with the rainbow flag in the background printed on it.  I told him "I like your shirt dude" and he looked completely surprised that I would say such a thing and said a cheery thanks.  Have I gotten that old?

I finished grocery shopping in a record amount of time, after Kevin confirmed that yes, we are doing a white elephant exchange with his family.  (internal and possibly external screaming)

the two bigs are into skateboarding so I went to this hole-in-the-wall skateboard shop to get gift cards.  I am astounded at how much anything skate boarding costs.  $25 for a cheap t-shirt and I don't even know which ones are cool.  The young man helped me out but I kept with the gift card idea and added some decals that they said were cool.  I so don't speak that language and boy did I feel old.

The boy littles asked for Zumiez clothing.  I knew I probably wasn't going to make that happen but was going to go to the mall (I know! a MALL) just in case.  During a conversation with Kevin, he actually volunteered to go with me that evening.  Hooray!

I decided to go home until as I was nearly out of town, I remembered that I didn't get stamps. sonofabiscuiteatingdog.  So I headed out to the tiny post office where I have a mail box.  It was far out of my way kinda but it was worth not having to stand outside waiting at a major post office. 

Which then sort of put me in the vicinity of the humane society where I wanted to drop-off a bagful of toys for the doggies.  This is risky because I've become one of those Bring Home all the Doggies person.  But I was distracted because I met Roman.  I recognized his voice first and he is just as adorable, as one would assume.  Here is the Roman story, if you don't know it:
http://www.king5.com/article/news/local/boys-viral-video-helps-deaf-dog-find-a-home/492107293

Now, for real, I was heading home. I'm literally seven minutes from home.  I have groceries and a ton of presents in the truck .  But: wolf.   It randomly popped in my head that when Kevin and I went to the killing store (Cabellas) I saw a bunch of wolf stuff.  That specific store, however, is almost an hour away so big, fat nope.  I searched on the interwebs for the nearest sporting good store and they had some wolf stuffies. 

Back into town I go.  I bought the very last wolf stuffie in the store.  I think it might be the same as one she already has but I can't care.  But that cheesy wolf picture was still bouncing around in my brain.  Sigh.  I went even further away from my house into the next town again to buy it.  The cashier felt that girl little would love it and why would a cashier steer me wrong?

Finally I headed home with only some stocking stuffers to pick up and a trip to the mall in my future. And so.much.wrapping.  Fast forward twenty-four hours and still not done. 

But here's the best part.  Last summer I told the story of my nephew finally coming out.  He is a completely different kid now; open and happy. It's really something to see the change in him.  This is the kid that we wondered what his drag queen name would be at his four-year-old birthday party.  On his list was fingernail polish, specifically yellow.  He also wanted skinny jeans because of course and he was the one who likes romance novels.   I bought him many colors of polish, purple hair coloring, and skinny jeans.  It was an absolute pleasure shopping for him this year and so much easier than speaking skate board. I never thought I'd see the day this would happen. 

Overall, I think I enjoyed shopping more this year than any other in the recent past.  There was something about doing it all in one day (mostly).  The general attitude of folks were happy and pleasant that early in the morning and so close to the holiday.  I'm considering doing it again next year, just hopefully not cutting it so close.  Although that added to the adventuresome spirit of it.

I hope this finds you cozy at home and enjoying the holiday in whichever way you choose to spend it.

Low Key Positivity

I just need 2017 to be over with.  I know, I know, everyone's saying that but I super mean it.  This has just been such a rough year.  I Can't Even with it anymore. Me, who is usually positive in a sarcastic way, am barely able to muster positivity.  Instinct is to list just how this year has sucked but I'm trying not to feed that monster.  

Here's how I'm trying to counteract the bleak:

Kevin and i have been trying to do one fun, just us, thing each weekend.  It's a simple as going for a drive or to the hardware store or to dinner.

When I return home from work, I change my clothes and take an hour to just watch television or play a game or write. (or all of that usually, because hello, it's me)   After that, then I do the grown-up things like chores, dinner, or whatever.

My new job requires a lunch break and I a) don't like that and 2) aren't used to it. I phone Kevin for a few minutes then I try to do something interesting in twenty minutes.  Go for a short drive, take instagram photos, go to the Goodwill.  Something little and fun.

Even though I hate them beyond all measure, I'm eating a banana a day. It's my one purposeful healthy eating habit that I'm working on right now.  Effing bananas.

I'm trying to stay off of the twitter.  While I like having my news in real time, it also sucks me into the negative abyss that is the government shit show right now.  I'm trying to only retweet positive stuff into the universe and follow low-key people that do the same. 

Although not evidenced here, I've been writing more.  Something I started a few years ago languished and I took it a different direction.  It's occupying my brain, sometimes to the exclusion of other things and I've forgotten how that happens.

I usually only go to Starbucks if we are Vegas or if it's just more convenient. (Where I live, there is a coffee stand on every other corner plus Starbucks.)  When I didn't get to go to Vegas this year as planned (I KNOW!) I decided that I would go to Starbucks that week like I would have if in Vegas (because I'm a thirteen year girl with strange coping skills)   But now I'm lightly addicted to using the app to earn more drinks. 

At my job, I email a group of people on the regular.  I've started finding funny little photos, memes or whatever to embed into the emails.  So far I've amassed two Ryan Goslings, a handful of Scooby Doo's, a Bob the Builder, Dr. Seuess, and a Monica Geller and a Hello Kitty gifs, among others.

Sometimes when we're feeling powerless, all we can do is rage-clean (it's a thing, look it up) and make tiny efforts to get through it.