30 June 2009

Is there someone else out there?

I found another good idea from the Wishcake Blog...she suggests to go back to the beginning of your blog and choose something from the first two months that seems like it represents what your blogging is about. As I frequently discuss and dissect my relationships, I thought this was a good one to repost.


from November 9, 2005 Post #2

A few weeks ago, I had lunch with an old friend. She's been in the same kinds of relationships as me: failed marriage, lost love, and now happily married. I'm beginning to think that it's not just coincidence that we're friends with similar pasts. I think it's just the way that all human relationships must be. Everyone has heard the term "starter marriage." It seems to apply to more people than less.

Anyway, she recently came nose-to-nose with her past and had a case of the ... not quite "what-if's"...but perhaps the "what-might-have-beens." She seemed to be fighting off the "Could this be real? Have I made a huge mistake?" as well. Always fun.

As the conversation progressed the subject & existence of the Perfect Man was raised. Is there such a thing? We both don't think so.

I'm more black & white: there's no such thing as perfect. It's simply not possible. She's more along the lines of "Near-perfection."

Essentially, we both believe you can't have it all in one person.

Her example: "He's great! He just gets me. We're soulmates" versus "He's okay but the physical chemistry is HOT!"

I happen to believe that you can't find ALL of the qualities you wish for in one person, be it just a friend or a lover. It seems not possible.

We also discussed that sometimes it seems when there is great physical chemistry, the personal side of the relationship is out of balance. We've all been there, I'm supposing, where it feels great but yet, it just doesn't work, there's no connection. A similar scenario is when you get away from the "hot" relationship and think "What the hell was I doing with That Guy!?!?!"

The other side is the Friend Zone. You're great friends, you love to hang out with him but the physical side just isn't there. This, by the way, only exists in Girl World. Boys are whores and they readily admit it. (:-D

But then there's The ONE.
Does everyone have one of those? I'm assuming so.
For me, well, he shall remain nameless to protect the somewhat innocent.
For my friend it's the guy who has recently reappeared.

But there's always the one that got away, the one that does seem perfect. Everyone, woman or man, has one of those.

Another part of the discussion included this:

It can be argued that we can't POSSIBLY be happily married if we hold another man in ... special regard? (that sounds so formal, hmmm) That we're just waiting for the next best thing - or old thing, be it as it may. But I don't think so.

I think people love each person differently and each person is different in that relationship.
I was a different person with my former husband and with my former boyfriends than I am now. Would those relationships be different with this current version of me? *shiver* Let's not go there. (:-D

So, on a different plane, Kevin and I had a very similar discussion but we used the word "settling." As in, everyone settles to a certain degree, for varying reasons, good and bad. It's not necessarily a poor reflection on either mate but more of a decision to cope. I am not the leggy brunette calendar girl who cooks and he's not the one who shall remain nameless.

Everyone has an ideal but ideals are rarely attainable so it boils down to more of a "Hey, you're cute, you think I'm great, I think you're great, let's get married and see what happens."

I guess I'm just putting this out into the universe for more pondering. I would be curious to hear anyone's thoughts. Is there such a thing as a soulmate? Does everyone settle to a certain degree?

1 comment:

knitbot said...

I feel like I got pretty damn close.