Piece of Crap Birthday Present

I did get Kevin a birthday present, but not without drama.

It took me so long to decide what to buy that I actually left work on his birthday to go buy it. He's wanted a new weed-whacker for a few years. I went to Home Depot and bought what I thought was a good one. Although I knew we'd probably need to bring it back because I know f&*k-all about weed-whackers. It's the thought that counts after all.

Again, I had to fib about his present as he arrived home just after I did. "Your dad said something was dropped off today, did you order something?" with slight irritation in my voice.
(well done me) "No" Kevin says "You know it was them" referring the parents.

Hidden in plain sight in the tool shed that we'd just spent a few hours cleaning last weekend was his weed-whacker. "It's from me, actually."

He opened it up and so far, so good. It had the components that he wanted. He began to put it together when he notices that the trigger is broken. *insert bad words here*

We made plans to go return it the following evening after Forced Family Fun. Kevin and I went over to the parents to tell them that I had bought him a total crap birthday present.

Dinner ran late on Friday and we hurried to Home Depot to return the present. We had thirty minutes until closing. Upon walking into the Returns department, Kevin points and exclaims "You did give me a total crap birthday present!"

Sitting in a bin was not one, but two broken weed-whackers that were exactly the same as the one I'd given him. The cashier admitted that they were crap and advised us to buy the other brand. It took forever to return it because the manager was Doogie Howser and in no hurry whatsoever. "My God, he's a puppy!" I exclaimed to the cashier. "He's going to need a nap and snack after walking all that way!" The cashier's eyes got big and then she broke out laughing. "I'm going to remember that." she said.

Finally, we went and checked them out. The only one that he wanted was $75 more. His mother had given him a check for $50 so he could "upgrade" his purchase so this was no big deal. He actually had the new one in his hand when he notices that it doesn't have a feature that he MUST HAVE. We look and it's an option for $30 more. Of course it is.

He considers and wonders and considers. Finally, I just said "How about we look at Sears?"

We looked at his watch and he had ten minutes to get there before they closed. We spent a minute considering whether or not that's a good idea when we practically ran out of the store. The Sears is at the mall, nearly five minutes away.

He drove and we were stuck in traffic (okay, okay, my shortcut wasn't a good idea after all)
It's now 8:55 pm.

I planned ahead: "You pull up and run in, I'll park the truck" And he did.

By the time I got the truck parked, they locked the doors. I couldn't get in. I just giggled because I had the money. They had to let me in. But I glanced at the doors and I realized that they weren't fully locked. I pulled on the handle and it gave, so I shook it and it popped open!!

One of the cashiers turned as I was walking past and looked at me like WTF but I just smiled cheerily and kept walking.

Kevin was talking to a young girl cashier when I approached. He was just about to give up when she called over to another cashier. "I'll be right there!" we heard him call back.

Click. The first set of lights went out and we began giggling.

The other cashier came over and was super-friendly and helpful. "Well, don't buy this one because it's JUUUUNNNKKKK."

Now we hear the announcement overhead: "Sears is now closed. Please bring your purchases to the store or return tomorrow." We giggled again and Kevin offered to come back the next day.
Super Cool Cashier Guy was all "Don't worry about it."

Kevin's all ready to buy the Craftsman one when he realizes it doesn't have the feature he wanted either. The cashier explained that it was basically dead technology and none of the new ones would have that feature. Kevin persevered "Can I buy one from the catalog?"
The poor cashier rephrased the answer like three times before Kevin finally gave up.

I told him later "It was as if you were That Guy that didn't want to give up his 8-Track."

As we were paying, the second set of lights went off. These people are serious. The Store is Closed.

$100 more than the original purchase later and we're walking out the door. But not really because now we're locked in. Insert "Career Opportunities" movie references here. The cashier took us out the proper door which was on the other side of the store, making jokes the entire time.

Kudos to this guy. It was Friday night, sunny and he had every reason to tell us to piss off but he was great about the whole thing.

This is just another example of how Kevin and I shouldn't be allowed to run our own lives. $200 in less than ten minutes, $100 over the original budget and After the store closed.