Obituaries

I am the official obituary writer in the family. I've written three in the past four years. It's kind of a heartbreaking task yet it's kind of a heart-warming task too. It gives me the opportunity to think about that person and write loving, warm and fun stuff about them. It's kind of cathartic.

I have found that while I can write them, I can't read them aloud. I did it for MG when our aunt passed and had a tough time without the quaver in your voice that renders you sounding like Katherine Hepburn. After that, I just handed it to people.

I know I have a big obituary waiting to be written soon and while I've been writing it in my head, I've drug my feet actually putting the words down. It's for my dad and I haven't quite figured out what the stumbling block is. It's not that I'm worried about being sad. We're not close. But it does feel a little like a jinx doing it before he passes. Yikes.

I know I should do it before he passes, as I know there are a lot of duties that are going to become mine to accomplish. It would be nice to just add dates and push "print". I'm fine with that, at least I know ahead of time. But doing it ahead of time begs the question: do I share it before his passing? To whom? My brothers? Surely not my mom. To my dad?

A few years ago, a old-timer passed away out at the lake where we all grew up (me, my brothers & dad)
My dad specifically mentioned his obit and said he liked it. I kept it, knowing that someday I would need it for reference. I remember the line of "He hated the jet skis but loved watching the ducks on the lake." This makes me think he'd like to see it. But God Lord, what an awkward thing to ask!!

Keep in mind, my family is not affectionate or even very communicative when it comes to emotions. My parents are almost insulted if you get a sentimental card instead of a funny/insulting one. Yeah. Nice. So, it's not like I can flop down next to my dad's chair and announce "Hey, I finished your obituary! What do you think?" Yet, that almost seems like it should happen. The bummer thing about memorial services and obits is that the dead people don't get to enjoy them.

Also, it's been like a mental sifter in figuring out what's appropriate to write. This too can be cathartic, a little like therapy. I can do an angry version, throw it away and then do a sad version, throw it away and then do the actual obit.

So, that's my think for the day. I'll let you know what we decide and perhaps I'll post the final result.