I'm The Captain Now

Kevin just phoned from work, which isn't unusual.  He checks in during the day to make sure the parents are still alive, that I'm awake, nothing is on fire, or just because. 

Today he explained that he had an issue with Carter, his youngest employee.  (the one with the std)  Quick reminder: he is the manager of a multi-million dollar excavation site.

I stopped what I was doing to listen.  I don't usually but I sensed this was going to be a good story and would need my full concentration.

Imagine a big construction site, if you will.  Big machinery, big trucks, people on the ground, lots of activity.

Kevin had gotten two calls from operators stating that there was a personal truck in the road, partially blocking everything.  (personal truck = regular truck, instead of Dump Truck, etc.)  

Kevin phoned Carter to go see what was happening and to render assistance to the driver, if need be.  Carter, the puppy.

After a few minutes, he calls Kevin.  "Well, umm, I am supposed to tell the d*ckhead that he can't move, his truck has overheated."

WUT.  We'll pretend that's what Kevin said instead of what he really said, which included big boy words.

"I'll be right over there." he tells Carter.  "Let me handle it now."

Kevin takes HIS LOADER over to the truck and parks in front of it. Not intimidating At All.

Not his loader, just an example. The tires are taller than he is

In a way only Kevin can manage, he walks to the driver and says "Hi, I am the d*ckhead you requested to talk to."

The guy, of course, sputters and gets nervous because now he has a six-foot pissed off man with heavy equipment at his disposal talking to him and not Carter the puppy.  He tried to explain that he was broken down.  

Kevin interrupts "I understand that. I sent one of my guys over to HELP you.  INSTEAD, you decided to call me a d*ckhead and I don't even KNOW YOU."

The dude tries to explain that he didn't really MEAN that Kevin was a d*ckhead and tried to explain further.   Kevin is having none of it.  

I swear this is true: then the guy looked at Carter the puppy and said "Dude, you weren't supposed to tell him what I said. That was between you and me."

This is where Kevin went all Captain Phillips on him "You're talking to ME now."

Kevin explains that he has to move.  That his guys will tow him safely out of the way.  That not only is he blocking, he is UNSAFE.  "I am trying not to get you killed right now."  (I don't think the dude understood how many levels "not get you killed" existed in this conversation)

The guy argues that he "thought I had parked as safe as I can. I'm not in anyone's way."

This is where I want to be as quick as Kevin:

"Oh, really. You are? Then explain to me why I had two operators call me to say you were in an unsafe area.  Two operators who are required by Federal Law to have hours of training ANNUALLY to make sure that people LIKE YOU are safe and not killed by them. I can assume that you do Not have that training, is that correct?"

Dude stammers that no, he didn't.  He requested two more minutes to try to start his vehicle then he would "allow" it to be towed.  

"I will give you three minutes and if you're not moved, one of my guys will hook to you and drag you out of the way, whether or not you want to."

Dude agreed BUT THEN turned to Carter the puppy and said "Again, dude, that was supposed to be between me and you."

Kevin tapped the door, "Hey, you're talking to me. Not him. Don't talk to him."

Then he had to get off of the phone so I didn't get to hear the end.  All I got to say was "I am sorry that I missed that.  Video or it didn't happen, if you move him."

I'm assuming that the dude suddenly magically managed to move his truck out of harm's way. If not, I can guarantee that Kevin will instruct his guys to move him into a safe, yet probably terribly inconvenient to the driver, area.