What I Wanted to Say

I thought that redoing the hallway would be a good idea this week.  Yes, I'm six weeks post-op on one side of my head and four weeks post-op on the other side.  It should be fine, right.

Cut to me on a ladder this morning in tears, cursing profusely, and telling myself "You are the one that has to clean up the paint if you throw the brush."

No, I don't have high expectations. What are you talking about?

I put all the paint things away in a pout then went outside to wash the trucks instead.  I put my headphones on with my loud music and started. Kevin came out with a quizzical look and a "You aren't done already are you?"  Now I'm standing there fighting snot and tears while I explain that I can't see to paint along the ceiling.  My eyes can't focus and it makes my dizzy.  

Now he doesn't know what to do when his usually stoic wife is broken but he tries.  I posted this on my social media a while ago and it applies here:

I channeled my frustration into washing my SUV and our little truck.  I felt marginally better and Kevin tried again "So, like, what's not working?"  He's grasping for the end-game, the ability to say "Once you get new glasses, you'll be good to go."   While he might be/probably be right, he might not be.  

And this is where I say Again that this surgery wasn't as easy-peasy as everyone says that it is.

So, what's next.  Oh, the parents.  My m-i-l phoned me yesterday and asked me to come over. No reason, no preamble, No bring Kevin.  Hmmm.  I asked Kevin if he knew what was happening and he said no.  Super.

Firstly, my f-i-l fumbled an apology for being snarky during the High Stakes Sorting Game.  He didn't want ME to be mad.  I explained that I was over it that day and that it takes much more than that to make me mad.  

Then he segues into that the medicine is STILL not fixed. I tried nine different ways to understand how it's not fixed and I still don't understand.  So I'll be phoning all the places tomorrow to see what's happening now.

But we're not done.  

Secondly, my m-i-l has a GI tube and her "food" is delivered like clockwork every month.  They got a statement of benefits from the NEW insurance company, stating that they weren't paying for it.  Upon a closer glance, it's because the food place billed the new insurance too early.   There's another phone call for Monday morning and should be an easy fix.  

Here's another example of where they are completely spun out because there has been an error.  We were back in the We Never Should Have Switched Insurance and Now We Have to Pay mode.  Super. I told them that I would phone on Monday and fix it, not to worry.

STILL not done.  

Now the m-i-l says she has to say something.  She revisits that they think that I'm mad, or was mad.  I asked them to tell me why they would think that.  Any guess?  

Because my sibs-in-law (most likely the b-i-l) told them that I was mad and overwhelmed and didn't want to help them.

Again, I'm pretty stoic.  I don't lose my temper easily. Ooof. I saw red.  And she saw it cross my face.

As calmly as I can muster, I say "Did you hear anything from ME?  Or from my HUSBAND?  Because if you DIDN'T hear it from ME or MY HUSBAND, then ANYONE ELSE (wildly gesturing to the sibs house) can PIPE DOWN." 

What I wanted to say was "He can STFU on all the things for ever and ever."

They both said that neither of us had seemed mad or said we were mad.  They acknowledged that Kevin was stressed about the situation and I agreed.  "But that doesn't mean he's mad."  And, and AND even if I were mad, they would never know it BECAUSE WHEN YOU'RE THE HELPER you don't get to be moody.  Yes, I can be frustrated and all the things but they don't get to know that.  That's not how this works.  (and yes, of course, within reason)

I kind of let it lay after repeating that ANYONE WHO IS NOT ME OR KEVIN CAN PACK SAND with their opinions and went home.

Kevin was in the shop and I told him this whole thing.  He immediately knew that it was his brother talking out of turn.  He tried to point out that maybe the parents were exaggerating what he said and I squelched him on that right quick.  "He doesn't get a say in what I do or how I feel"  and Kevin agreed.  

What I wanted to say was "Tell him keep my name out of your mouth."

So, yeah. It's been a super awesome weekend.  

And I can't even say "Look how cool the hallway looks now" because it's not done.  You'll just have to wait.