High Stakes Matching Game - A Raising Parents story

 When last we joined the Raising Parents show, we left off with a medicine delivery drama less than 24-hours post-op for our protagonist.

We have had a time-jump of two weeks. We know this because our protagonist is now again one day post-op from the second surgery.

I was laying on the couch, more listening to the television than watching it when Kevin phoned. I'd already been to the post-op appointment but was just prior to the migraine part of the day.  Looking back (vision pun ftw), I think this may have attributed to said migraine.

He had just made his every morning telephone "Is everyone alive" call and the parents needed help.  Cringing the whole time, he asked if I would phone them sometime to see what was happening.  Yes, of course, I say while heavily sighing.

We disconnect and I phone my mother-in-law.  I am unsure if I've mentioned that my father-in-law is near impossible to have a conversation with on the phone? One-on-one he's okay but not so much on the phone.  So we always call the m-i-l; which depending on the time of day is sometimes also nearly impossible.

Reminding everyone that when last we spoke about this, one company had "mysteriously" sent four prescriptions to the parents instead of Pill Pack sending all of the prescriptions like usual.  After phone calls, it was determined that this issue would be corrected in April.  They would have to make-do for one month, using both Pill Pack and these not-included four pills.  We are not thinking about how we got here anymore.

Also, I had taken those four prescriptions home with me because I didn't want them accessible AND  I was hoping we could just send them back.  So they are in my desk.

The m-i-l explains that the Pill Pack was incomplete this month, as we expected it would be but hoped it wouldn't.  She is flustered about this and I explained that she still has all her pills for March AND that this situation was temporary.  We only have to deal with this for one month.  I would bring over the four "missing" prescriptions and they could figure it out.

Of course they're in "no hurry" for me to do this but this isn't the kind of thing that being delayed helps in any way.  I put on shoes and a hoodie, masked up, sunglasses on, and walked over there.

I put the pills on the table and asked if they still had a pill container.  Oh yes, they have many, they said.

I reply "Okay, then put those pills in the container AND use the Pill Packs then you're good-to-go.  Does this make sense?" I ask this, because like teenagers, you have to make them answer you.  Yes, they both said.

Then suddenly my f-i-l stands and starts rifling through the cupboard where the meds are stored.  He starts setting out the meds and checking off things on the main med list from Pill Pack.  I said "Okay, so you've got this."  My m-i-l says "I think so" and my f-i-l doesn't answer me.  (this is not unusual since the stroke so no offense, just annoyance)  

This is where I said something that probably could have been not said. "Because part of being independent is being able to manage this."  

Now, some context:  for the past six months they have been INSISTENT that they're fine and independent and can do everything themselves.  Then the power goes out and they require help.  Or there is a meds mix-up or an insurance change, or just little day-to-day life things happen.  Or they end up in the hospital.  You know, little things.

We always say that we're there to help and happy to do so. Often though, we are met with resistance and sometimes attitude.  Unfortunately, we can only go so far with the "Fine, do it yourselves" thing because the consequences can be huge.  This was the reason for that statement and the situation where consequences can be huge.

I made my f-i-l acknowledge me before I left and he indicated that he was doing it.

A while later, my m-i-l phones and says that they need help after all. Okay, fine, it's good that they asked.  I told them that I wasn't going to work on it that day because the migraine had hit.  No hurry, she says, they're fine for now.  I let Kevin know that they had asked but that I couldn't work on it just then. Kevin says "It's fine for now, you can wait until the weekend."

I waited until the weekend because as whined discussed before, this second recovery was not an easy one.  And if I'm being honest, I wasn't up to this task but part of being the helper is doing it even when you're not feeling like doing it.

I let Kevin know I was headed next door and he just sighed.  There is zero chance of no drama.  

Upon being asked if they got it all figured out, my f-i-l says Yes, he thinks so.  Out of the corner of my eye, I see my m-i-l look like No, They Don't.  So I asked again "because I don't mind checking."  And like what happens sometimes now, my f-i-l got his back up and became defensive.  He knows this doesn't work with me so I called his bluff and said "Great, I'll head back home but you let me know if you want help."

Back over to our house I go.  I checked in with Kevin and reiterated the above interaction, to which he grumbled and said he was going to go over there.  I demurred and asked him to just wait.  Then I went back inside and laid down.

I knew that he would and he did, Kevin went over to check with the parents.  One: because you don't sass his wife when she's trying to help and two: this is kind of a big deal.  Timing was perfect, as my f-i-l had gone to the brothers and Kevin was able to speak with just his mom.

His mom admitted that they indeed did not have it figured out but because @#%$ pride, my f-i-l wouldn't ask for help.  Cue Kevin losing his mind on his mom.  I mean, this isn't forgetting a grocery order or not paying a bill.  This is her meds and if we remember some four years back, my f-i-l took her meds by accident and gave himself a massive stroke.  So, this is kind of A Thing.

While they were talking, my f-i-l came back inside and Kevin proceeded to read him the riot act about being flippant and defiant when people are trying to help them.  Then he came back home, unloaded all of his feelings then reluctantly asked me to help, again.

Back over I go, with Kevin in tow now, to see what needs to happen.  They both admitted they needed help and was apologetic-adjacent for not asking before.  

I asked them to show me what they had and I swear I'm not making this up.

They had a giant two-week pill box, FULL of pills. FULL.  Now color me confused because...where are the Pill Packs?  (the six pills that are already pre-packaged)  

He.Took.Them.All.Out.of.the.Packets and put them in the pill box.  ALL.  ALL OF THEM.  I mean...I can't...I don't...WUT.

So, indeed, they do NOT have this.

I didn't ask what possessed him to take the pills out of the Pill Pack.  I just couldn't. I just had to flip into combat mode and work the problem.

This is what I did:

Original Pill Pack

List and photos of  pills from the original Pill Pack

Ah, I forgot: the pink card. The pink card is GOSPEL, 

PINK CARD MUST BE HONORED. ALL HAIL THE PINK CARD

My f-i-l was nervous and defensive about my process.  Because while he wasn't sure that he had it figured out, he also was not enjoying me taking everything apart and re-doing it.  He kept emphasizing, shall we say, the importance of the PINK CARD because that is exactly how her meds are dispensed.  I tried, twice, to explain that the Pill Pack tells me the exact same thing but alas, no.

I thought I had taken a photo of the next step but I didn't. Because: AUUUGGGHHH.

I took two of the above photos then printed them. I took those, all the pills and the Pink Card then played a matching game. Like a child's game with very adult consequences.

I made sure that every single pill PLUS her four supplements AND one other prescription that isn't included in the Pill Pack because reasons, and sorted them into every single compartment of that pill organizer.

But wait, that made it sound like it was easy.  It EXTRA WASN'T.

I did it next door so I could ask questions if I ran into issues.  Hahahaha, I said "if".

I mean, I really could not have made it more simple. I really could have just started it and left it to them to finish.  But I think the mom felt more comfortable watching me do it.  And, let's just mention now that she sat through most of it at my SIDE.

Here's where the If part comes into play.  There is one medicine that looks nearly exactly the same as another.  Because we have two sets of medicine...one from the Pill Pack and one from the other company.  (also they have shoe box full of "extra" and we're not talking about that right now)  For reasons unknown, he chose to use the pills from the "extra" bottle.  So, this meant that she was either getting a double-dose of blood pressure medicine or her sedative.  You know, no big deal mixing up those two pills. Either way she's going to sleep, the difference being permanently or not.

Handy tip for those of you raising parents (or have it in your future) you can google prescription meds. It gives you photos, descriptions, and alternative names.  I had to keep referring to that as I went along because some of the days had that pill, some didn't, and some had two.  Also, so much praise to Pill Pack for providing a list on each individual packet AND a master list with descriptions and photos.

Meanwhile, Kevin is beyond anxious and kept checking in.  He kept reiterating how uncomfortable he was with this process.  Not judging me but because the consequences are so high.  I reassured him that I had figured it out, that the mom had sat next to me the entire time (sigh) and that they could make sure that I had it correct.  His mom also assured him that she felt I had it correct.

This again opened the door to the "You need help" conversation and this time he had solid ground.  He finished up with "Because this is not something I'm comfortable with my wife having to do for you."  Because, again, big consequences and can you even imagine if something went wrong.  

Although I did mention that this is hopefully just a temporary issue.  This should only be a one month issue.  This also meant that I was doing this again in about two weeks.  I did not say that this relatively simple task had been hugely overly complicated by the muddled thought process of my f-i-l.

Finally, I was finished.  I put everything away and left the pill pack on the table.  "You can check it to make sure but you should be set." Then I went home and laid down again.  

I was actually napping when Kevin came into the house with a bit of frenetic energy.  He marched straight to the refrigerator and began looking on the shelves.  Spotting whatever he was looking for, he sighed in relief and said "Okay, good." then shut the door.

He was looking for the alcohol I bought in 2020 to either celebrate or drown the elections results, then the impeachment, then the other impeachment and am now I'm holding onto it until I see Cheeto Hitler in prison jumpsuit that matches his hair and skin.  

Throughout the rest of the day and weekend, Kevin kept checking on them and was truly anxious about this situation.  Unfortunately, I had already flipped into I Can't Think About This Anymore.

Fast forward to Monday.  Kevin phoned me after the daily check-in call.  "Dad is calling Medicare to see why this happened"  Deep breath then I replied "He's just going to ruin someone's day.  It happened because they gave information to the wrong company.  Also, it's done. There's nothing to be done."

Well, color me wrong.  After I don't know how many phone calls, he convinced Pill Pack to send them one months of meds and he would pay for it out of pocket.  Surprisingly, it was only around $100.  I say "around" because he was vague about the price.  Kevin made the point that he would have gladly paid any amount for it.

Making this about me for a minute: I was frustrated that I didn't think of that at the time.  However, I would have guessed that it would have been significantly more expensive. Also, I have to remind myself that I was days post-op of the second surgery and not my best self.

AND this is an example of where we get frustrated because one moment they can't do this stuff and the next moment they can.  But we're sitting with gratitude right now.  (I keep telling myself that)  Now we know if we run into this again.  But hopefully this will never happen again.  We all know something else will happen though. 

And I've invented a high stakes matching game for adults, if anyone is interested.