The nostalgia box project is nearly completed. It went from nearly three big totes to one and two scrapbooks. As always with me, it's taken much longer than I had planned. Some of it was avoidance, some of it was work and other projects, and most of it was the time to go through every.single.piece.of.paper.
I also underestimated that the stuff being put into a scrapbook would cause it to expand. The binding is fixed and now it cannot be closed. I am vacillating between "Of course not" and "Effing Really?" We will take the win that I have from grade school to high school placed into the scrapbook. It's a little fixable as I didn't fill all the pages. I wouldn't be me if it went right the first time.
What treasures have I found? For as much that went into recycling, I did find some real treasures.
Report Cards. They were mostly as I remembered, no big surprises. Or wait, there was one: On the middle school P.E. card, my height and weight was listed so wtf. Also there were handwritten test scores and...wait for it..."shower credits." I mean...what? What is that and why is it a thing?
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Strangely, there were only three with this notation.
And two with "Not working to her potential"
And two with "Needs to be more careful and not make careless mistakes"
ALL of these could be autobiography titles for me. |
Then there's this note from my mom. This is a good synopsis of her:
My parents went somewhere for the weekend, I don't remember where or why. I love the keep the birds alive, take care of the house, and the afterthought of "oh and feed yourself."
I have a binder that I started to transfer notes into at one point. The intention was to group them with the first scrapbook but see: expansion issue. In the meanwhile, it is painstaking to unfold these intricately folded notes. Then read them and subsequently recover from embarrassment or laughter or astonishment.
During my junior year, I did a workstudy/student exchange (?) where I spent a few days at another high school. I think I was considering transferring? I just don't remember and I'm not calling my mom.
It was a larger, more "city" school than my small, redneck school. I liked that there were more opportunities available but I didn't like that it was just a sea of kids.
Anyway, I found a batch of notes that random kids wrote to me; like a pen-pal kind of thing. I was super curious to see if I knew anybody now that I didn't then. Only one; she is married to someone I dated in high school and does not like me AT ALL. Other than date her husband when I was sixteen, I've done nothing to her so...Shrug. I am tempted to message the note to him but I won't. Because I am a grown up. Kinda.
The second scrapbook is also completed. This one contains newspaper clippings, wedding invitations and programs, milestone anniversary announcements, and memorial cards & programs. There were two culls of "This is no longer important"; people who are no longer in our lives or marriages that have since failed, etc. There are both wedding invitations and funeral programs for some, sadly. If I have both, they're on the same page which is gut wrenching, if I'm being honest.
The best one is my sister's wedding invite and program. I remember that day like yesterday. She married a nice, but a little dim, guy. The real problem was she was gay and not ready to be out in small town America in the early 90s. I sent her a photo of the invite and program with the caption "Your sister keeps everything." with the shocked emoji and laughter emoji.
She answered with the requisite "OMG" and an explanation *wink wink* that hetero marriage is just too hard. I reply with "Yeah, THAT was the problem."
This project has brought some joy, lots of laughter, a goodly amount of cringing. Reaching out to friends by messaging copies of letters and notes and the ensuing conversations. I had a core group of friends but I also had friends that frankly, I couldn't remember. Like we were friends during that one weird semester when my friends and I didn't have lunch together. Then in true high school fashion, those temporary friendships fade.
I had a lot of being reminded that I did have good friends and did date two nice boys before Satan. I had some revelations of unhealthy situations. I did have the dreams again, although not bad ones this time. Weird ones. Like fishing - literal fishing - for black lab puppies. Clearly my alphabet brain trying to sort out all the information I've just rebooted.
This finally brings me to "Why save them?" and "This has taken SO LONG!" I kept persevering because it feels important to remember. I wouldn't have had these conversations with my friends or these revelations or shared memories, if I hadn't kept everything from 1980 forward.
Also, there was a quote that now OF COURSE I can't remember where I heard it: "When does a person truly die? When the last person who truly knew them dies." Do you need to lie down for a minute? because I did.
We speak your names. We remember. And mostly laugh.
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