Dear Abby...

I always place my keys on the toolbox of my truck when I am unloading a shopping cart or doing something that requires me to put my keys down. Being wired the way I am, this has kept me from locking my keys in the truck numerous times.

I gave someone a ride one day and I unlocked the passenger door to move my carryall bag that I lug around. The person watched me do so and said, “You put your keys there? Now that’s someone who doesn’t trust themselves.”

I was momentarily stunned. “No” I replied slowly “It’s someone who doesn’t like locking her keys in her vehicle.”

Another example was during a group discussion. One of the women asked me in what religion I was raised. I told her that I wasn’t. Religion or God stuff wasn’t really allowed by my dad. However, as I was older I went to churches that were First Christian Reformed in basis.

The keys person exclaims, “Oh, they’re the WORST.”

There was a moment of silence and I just cut my eyes to her and then looked away without a response.

Really? The worst? I can think of at least three religions that are the WORST.

((AND…just to soothe my own worries, I double-checked. While it is a CHURCH, the beliefs are exactly how I remember them. I can sum them up as “Everyone is a child of God and deserves a chance and not be judged.” As far as faiths go, they are kind of relaxed and groovy actually))

I can’t quite figure it out. Is she trying to be funny? Then she should really just stop.

Is she trying to be helpful? Way not, no.

This is a person who I have found constantly needs to assert her knowledge into things. Not in a busybody know-it-all kind of way though. It is more subtle than that. And it’s cumulative.

For example, someone asked me a question that I needed to ask her advice regarding the answer. By the time finished with a complete review of the reasons, whys & how’s, the person had hung up.

Another example: I was helping another person set up for a meeting. We had just begun and were discussing how it should go together as we worked. She interjects, explaining to us all the parts that we had already begun or had planned to do. My friend was direct and said, “We got it. We know.” I was a little jealous that she could be so direct. Usually, I am known for directness/bluntness but I do not know what happens around this person.

Sadly, I just ended up walking away. I lived by the adage of “If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.” My head was going to explode if I didn’t say something so I walked away. (Sorry, J!)

Also, I should have channeled Kevin. He has a way of saying “You know, this isn’t my first big job”. I’ll have to remember that for later.

I once described my feelings about her: “I already have a mother.”

(And if anyone thinks I am direct, they should meet my mother. My mother makes direct blush.) It feels like constant mothering and that everything needs to be a teachable moment.

The kicker is that this person is in a profession where she should know better. But then, perhaps that’s why she does it: it is habit. Also she didn’t do it to me for a long time and now, seemingly all of a sudden, it’s happening.

I do not know what it is about her that short-circuits my brain. I have even focused on it. One of the philosophers said that if something bothers you about a person, reflect within because it is probably a trait you possess. Yikes. Hit me with a rock NOW if I do that.

I am trying to figure it out. Ignoring it seems to make it worse, acknowledging it only thwarts it for a while. I am considering a conversation with her but I have a feeling it will turn into a counseling session and I’ll need anger management classes afterward. I’ve silently screamed SHUT UP SHUT UP FOR THE LOVE OF GOD SHUT UP in my head but that hasn’t worked either. Hahaha. Go figure.

So, I am putting this out into the universe and patiently awaiting an answer...or medication. Whichever comes first.